Focus, let go, achieve.

Yesterday saw me in front of Apples Aberin-Sadhwani again, from last Thursday, along with the likes of Rhett Eala, Vivian Velez and Vicki Belo. It was her [Apples'] first time to practice Bikram yoga last Thursday, and I still remember first finding out I was to be in front of her, then feeling horrified, intimidated, envious, apprehensive, and generally uncomfortable. I usually feel this way with celebrities--I dunno, maybe 'coz they're on television, for goodness' sake, hence usually with perfect bodies, and gorgeously fake faces. And being in front of Apples, being her "guide for the day" as teacher F put it, didn't help any. But I breathed it away--or tried my best to(!), reminding myself to focus on my own practice, that she's human, after all. Well yesterday, she came to class again, and placed herself behind me *again*, telling me "because you're good, eh." Of course I demurred, but still, I was pleased by that compliment. Being a celebrity doesn't make them any less mortal, as it doesn't make us ordinary lay people any less special. And in realizing this, I've come to see they're not so different from you or me. I have to remember that.

As much as I had previously mentioned aparigraha, I would like to relate to this concept again, as well as on a checklist to check consumerism:

-do I have enough money [for it]?
-do I have enough room [for it]?
-do I truly want it?
-do I have time to care for it?
-will I really use it?

Bottom line I guess is, is it truly necessary? I relate this to my fetish with depilatory services. I have a *huge* fascination with hair, especially removing it (though I do not exactly relish removing my Mom's white hair, but that's not the point), and as I am mentally going over things I need to get done before leaving, God -willing, in April, I thought about hair removal--the parts where I have hair removed, and if doing so is truly necessary. And I know it's really vanity more than anything else. Time for aparigraha to come in.

Maybe it's nearing my time of the month, or whatever, but I have also been, just barely, resisting the urge to snap at our driver--for his lack of knowledge of the lay of the metropolis, his laziness, his heavy foot on the clutch, his smart-aleck replies, and so on. Still, having violent thoughts is still promoting violence. I need to let go, relax, practice ahimsa, for really: violence is needless and spawns more of it, so why continue the cycle?

Again, I have much to learn. Namaste.