Momentary Pause and Updates!

Hi everyone.

So I gave birth to our little boy on Feb. 13, 2012 at 6:02 pm right in our own home. Things have been pretty hectic since then while I let my body recover and learn to breastfeed our son, and my husband keeps house and minds the dog and changes diapers.

I am still in the process of healing and reconfiguring my time around this little being, so when I do, I will write my birth story.

Stay tuned!

40 Weeks and Counting..

Hi, everyone.

Sorry I haven't been posting AT ALL.

See, I'm trying to figure out what direction I want to take this blog, then post regularly, but then I got busy, and tired, as I got more pregnant. When I started this blog, I had just started IIN, and this week, we graduated, woohoo; now on to Immersion!

So I'm 40 weeks and 5 days today-- officially overdue by hospital standards, but my midwife and doula are pretty chill about it. Everyone else isn't, though, which in turn makes me spazz out a little, get pretty anxious. I say though that when he's ready, he's ready, and I'm trying to stand by that. In the meantime, I am mostly staying home and trying to chill with baths and rest and ok, some Internet, and dreaming of plans post-baby! I'm actually wanting this top, and hoping to be able to get fitted post-natal at Finish Strong for proper sizing, etc with Brooks running shoes (in my opinion they're tops)!

My husband's big issue is circumcision; mine is breastfeeding, so I saw this recipe, but if you just want to buy 'em, I recommend this company. Our joint issue is PPD, where placentas come into the picture, and breastfeeding definitely helps, too, but above all, that your birth plan was met, so here's hoping for a water birth at home, with just my birth team!

My midwife is also super strict about sugar and carbs, so these oat drops may be something good to make.

Obsessing over not only kale chips, but CHOCOLATE kale chips. I first tried them from Kaia Foods, and my world hasn't been the same.

Recently, being a soon-to-be mom, I saw this series and connected strongly with it, as well as joined this holistic health coach's program.

So I feel I'm not doing much, but at the same time, there's lots going on! For now, we continue the waiting game...

My 26th Birthday Weekend

I'm sorta glad I went to school on my birthday. I was an hour late, but that's coz I talked to my Mom before I left home. I didn't think I'd feel like celebrating, but when I got inside the classroom, they all shouted "surprise!," leapt to their feet and sang for me. That was awesome. I got orchids from Mrs. T and massagers from Carmen (they need batteries). And cards, lots of them. It made my heart full. I told them that this meant more to me than when 500 of my classmates sang at yoga teacher training, and the kids said thank you. Of course at recess they were rough and were "treating me like a suspect," whatever that means, but that's how they are--impulsive and ebullient. I love them.

It should have been that I was going to stay home and shop with my Mom, but alas, that was not to be: her visa expired, so she petitioned hard to get a new one for this week. It is hopefully on its way to her now as I write, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed even as her gifts are all ready for her. I won't deny that not having her here for the 1st time was hard; it was: we practically have a tradition that she meets me wherever part of the world I am on my birthday, and as much as I grumble about it, it is grounding and gratifying. Alas, not this year, so I really didn't feel in the "birthday spirit." But at least I had my students this time. Seriously, you can't have a bad day with 6-8 year-olds depending on you and loving you unconditionally. Loads of people greeting me over the phone and Internet was nice, too. My Angkong (Chinese granddad) even sang to me over the phone; can you say AWESOME? And of course, my sweet fiance, J, who bought me cutesy sandals the weekend before, then had a few surprise gifts up his sleeve, then even though it was the middle of the week, took me out to a nice Indian restaurant for my birthday (though in hindsight, going in the middle of the week was more peaceful than going on a weekend--easier to get a table, too). All in all, a good birthday.

It kinda extended to the weekend, too-- I made fruit salad and smoothies on Saturday, and J made french toast out of stale baguette, then cooked some turkey bacon, too. I liked the turkey bacon; him, not so much. We took our time, watched a funny movie at home, then did some chores, and went out for a nice relaxed dinner after. Sunday, we had oatmeal (simpler than french toast!), did more chores like housekeeping and shoe sizing for gifts (J's birthday is next month), tried out a new snowcone place, then hung out with a friend at her mom's pool. And in the midst of all this, J and I found time to snuggle and cuddle and hug and kiss and laugh again, which was nice. Sometimes life gets in the way. We realize it shouldn't. It was a good weekend.

Now, my Mom's supposed to come in on Wednesday, and all our plans for last week are moved to this week. There's no turning back now; that's the plan, at least. Take 2; here's hoping it really works. If it does, I see shopping and nice restaurants in my future. Woohoo! Fingers crossed.

A Slight Change in Plans

So the title says it all; there is a slight change. Nothing drastic, so keep calm (and carry on). The night my Mom was to take the flight from Manila to the US, she found out that her visa had expired, oh around a week ago. She tells me this over SMS and I kinda quietly freak out and go to the gym in a daze, and tell my aunt and Jess' parents. My aunt can't have her airfare refunded, so she found a cheaper hotel on short notice. Then my Mom scrambles for contacts in Manila, one being her diplomat-tenant who works at the Czech embassy. But US protocol is stricter than ever, barring family emergency (which, technically, this is): as of this morning, the earliest appointment she was able to get was for May 20--too late for anything this week. Then it'll take 4-5 business days to process. She is confident she'll be here by the 26th or 27th next week, though. I sure hope so, 'coz right after her call, I called Jess' parents and grandma, to move their reservation to next week (they agreed, for which I and my Mom are so very grateful). I emailed my aunt, and she moved her plane date (and canceled her hotel reservation as she will be staying with my Mom). I emailed my retail job, and they were so nice as to move my work day to this week instead of next week, so I can spend time with family and hopefully get married next week. I haven't heard from my principal, but hopefully I can take my chances.

Jess was very grumbly about the whole mad scramble, and I admit I almost lost it: I was depending on him to be my rock, and I told him that. So now we are trying to take it easy and avoid any unkind words. Jess' grandma said, "It could've been worse." And a colleague at work said "In the grand scheme of things, a week is nothing." True on both counts. But as the past 2 days have just left me all dazed and confused, I just want a resolution, the light at the end of the tunnel. So I ask for everyone's prayers: I hope this time around will work, 'coz yeah, it's got to. Lesson learned: make sure your visa is still valid before you leave! Here's hoping we get it this 2nd time around. May 28, 2010: keep your fingers crossed.

Catching Up

It's been a busy week for me and Jess. Over the weekend, we went to the farmer's market and saw baby goats(!) then went to a Japanese festival and an arts market: we saw sword and taiko drum demo's at the former, and had snow cones and a vegan burrito as well as saw anarchist books at the latter. We also went to a nice "Texan-Tuscan" restaurant called Stella Sola near us and had good food, crab carbonara being one of the dishes: phenomenal, if you can believe it! Oh, Jess also made rabbit stew today and it was good, though I cringed every time I would spit out a tiny bone. Oh, man: such are times when I think of becoming vegan again, though I recently bought some vegan books for brunch and baked goodies: I still like to think of veganism, and am still very open to it: in fact, I prefer to make vegan stuff. We've also been dipping our hand into growing herbs, and so far so good. We've got a tomato plant (but no tomatoes yet), rosemary, sage, basil, a pepper plant in our apartment, and oregano, dill, spinach and basil at the garden box below. In the future, I would still like to have chickens and goats to raise, maybe make my own kombucha and yogurt with Jess' help--grown your own, I strongly say.

We also went to city hall downtown today to apply for our marriage license, but it turns out that we applied for a marriage license too soon-- the period is 3-30 days, not 90! So we have to go back either end of April or beginning of May so that it's late enough for the license to still be valid for Jess' family's and my Mom's visit when we'll hopefully get it officiated (ie legally married May 21, 2010--my mom wanted my birthday but it was the middle of the week: this way, Jess' family can attend, and besides, I was told it might be safer to have it on another day besides a birthday), as well as bring the form we got from our marriage prep class. I was wrestling with it over the weekend: like this is real, and it's SERIOUS: as in not going out for dinner, or washing clothes, MARRIAGE, OK?! i.e. committing to spending the rest of your life (at least in theory and hopefully so) with one person, who is Jess! Am I ready? Do I want this? Can I do this? So I turned the tables and asked him (of course), and he said he still wants it. So I thought about it in turn, and yes, I think this is still what I want. I don't think no one will ever be ready for it, and if you are, you are either limiting it, or I don't know what! But some fear/trepidation is healthy, I think, as nothing is ever certain, least of all marriage-- sharing your life with someone else, and building dreams and a life together. So as long as you are willing to try and be committed, hopefully, this enterprise will work. I pray it will. I will try my best to trust in this (and trust is no small feat for me to do).

Apart from this, it's been work and work, with kickboxing classes at the gym in between to be fit and stress-free. By the way, the elementary school I work at in Houston, Garden Oaks Elementary, is back in the process for applying for a grant to be all-Montessori, so that's hopefully a good thing: after working at a Montessori classroom, I can't imagine going back to traditional setting, except maybe small groups for Special Ed, but even then. So with the potential grant, I hope I can apply for certification. I hope it works out!

As for this summer, I will probably stay in the US, for monetary reasons and just to relax before everything gets crazy. We're also planning to visit my Dad's side of the family in Toronto this summer for a wedding, so yeah. As much as I miss Europe, but I've already been to Asia this year, and that's a lot for my system as it is: I think it's best to stay sharp and stay in the same time zone for the coming school year, where hopefully I will still have a job!

I also got a copy of Food Inc (as well as signed their petition for better food in schools, woot!), and maybe Jess and I will watch it soon. I'm really excited to watch this Irish animated movie called "The Secret of Kells:" it's supposedly pretty good. I'm also lately into this mineral make-up called "Bare Escentuals." I ordered some and am really excited to try it. I dumped my old make-up as old stuff develop bacteria over time, so I said why not. I am also bidding on eBay as it can be cheaper, like Lululemon capris for working out: they are primarily a yoga company, but their fabric is so nice and flattering, and the colors are pretty too. I'm also looking into this brand of shoes advocating Barefoot technology without looking too extreme like Vibram Five Fingers, and they're called Vivo Barefoot by Terra Plana. And there's Skullcandy for music stuff, and maybe some Brooks and Moving Comfort/Her Room for physical activity, and maybe some Earth Shoes/Dansko/Simple Shoes in the future? Of course, there's always books/videos I am pining for on Amazon, as well as other things in other sites, but to each its own time, especially with my tiny salary! I sometimes lament to Jess that I like stuff too much, but hopefully that's normal, and hopefully I'm not too too much into getting stuff: I try to buy good stuff, but I try to limit it to what I really want, and for cheaper, if possible. That's what I actually told Jess in response to this video called "The Story of Stuff" of how it's an endless cycle of wanting something to working to get it then buying and repeat; I think it's fun to buy stuff and want things: I think it shows we're human: it helps the economy, too. However, I also do believe there is a limit, and if we can buy "reuse" by getting stuff from friends that they don't like but we do, or buying stuff from people (like on eBay) that they no longer like but we do, then it's kinda limiting the amount of excess stuff that's out there. There is that saying: "One man's trash is another man's treasure." I believe in that, and I believe that leads to a healthy economy of sorts.

As for wedding stuff, I still need to fix the invites, and the marriage license and am waiting on the dress here in Houston. But apart from that, we got the venue/food, the photographer/videographer; I have my birth certificate and baptismal certificate (yay!); we have definite ideas how to do our wedding favors, are working on the invites, the church's permission (especially as we're overseas and are a mixed-religion couple), and am still tweaking the flowers, as well as hair and make-up. As for jewelry, I'm hoping pearls will be ok with my Mom as Jess' abuela (maternal grandmom) is lending me her Panamanian mosquetas (pearl brooch and earrings). I've always wanted to wear pearls, and so what if pearls=tears: what if those tears are happy ones? So there. Hopefully I don't have to do doves too: poor doves, and hello potential bird poop on clothes! I'm still thinking about the bouquet: maybe I don't have to toss it (I would like not to), but Jess said I have to think of something as replacement as people are used to tradition: in place of the old, they need a new one.

So this is my news-tidbit/s thus far. I feel like the calm before the storm, though underneath it is a frenetic juggling act that bursts every now and then to make sure that we're still floating; I just hope that everything will be ok, and that it is so.

May this find you well.

Farewell 2009, Hello 2010

I hope this finds everyone well. I am still recovering from a bad cold that could've stemmed from allergies I could've caught in Austin. No worries, though. We got stuff done, anyway: just yesterday Jess had a haircut while I got me a facial, then we got new pillows from B3, got some produce from Whole Foods (including black-eyed peas for New Year's) as it's right across B3, then got my schedule from WEPCo, changed sheets at home, called it a day then had a late lunch of ceviche and crackers. We also took the trash out, and I plan to do laundry today: out with the old, in with the new, I think, extends even to this. I am so proud-grateful-glad J has been so patient thus far :) Let's hope it continues! As to what we'll do this New Year's Eve, we have no real plans, save eating some black-eyed peas tomorrow for New Year's Day tradition.

Aside from black-eyed peas from this side of the world, my family has traditions for New Year's too: peanuts and pineapple and grapes and tangerines and gold/silver chocolate coins (for money), totaling to 8 kinds of round-ish fruit/etc to be put on a round bowl/plate for the coming year. (8's the lucky Chinese number: it sounds like luck, just as pineapple sounds like luck coming in, once translated: J and I vetoed the pineapple as we already have a pomegranate that'll do, thank you very much) My mom also said no chicken on the first day of the year so our luck won't fly away: better fish or pork (and beef, I guess). I was also recommended a doctor in Manila who's into more holistic paths, hopefully, the path of the future :)

So what has 2009 given me? For starters, I eased off of Bikram yoga in March for a temporary leave that has turned indefinite, giving me more time to focus on commuting and also working at WEPCo. In April, my Dad underwent a quadruple stent surgery (oh no!) but J and I moved into a nice attic-space in the Heights with lots of room, a washer and dryer included (yay)! Of course and with the help of Yelp, I took it upon myself to learn more about our neighborhood, finding gems and friends in stores like Kaboom books, Hello Lucky, Antidote Coffee, Saturday farmer's markets like T'afia and Urban Harvest, Blue Line Bike Lab, Urban Jungle Self Defense and 19th St among others. July found me passing my driver's road test after the 2nd attempt and after many prayers and practice, ie not needing to take the bus anymore (unless I wanted to)! June-July also was our housewarming, and me getting into kickboxing and slowly getting some fitness back, as well as finding results in Natalia Rose's book, "The Raw Food Detox Diet;" thank God :) In September, amidst the catastrophe of Typhoon Ondoy, a volunteer spot turned into a job opening for me as a Montessori teaching assistant at Garden Oaks Elementary. Juggling two jobs just didn't give me enough time off, so I went down to pool/reserve for WEPCo in October, during which J and I also a took a pre-marriage class from Connecting Marriages. In November, my parents visited, and not only did we go to Austin for their first Thanksgiving, but we went to Peru (Machu Picchu, Lima and Cusco) before that! And before they left, J asked my Dad for my hand, to which my dad gave his blessing. In December, among the Christmas activities (gift-giving and eating), J, his parents, his sister and I all went to see Avatar in 3-D: not bad, actually. J and I've had our fair share of disagreements since then, more probably because of togetherness-pains and anxieties and insecurities and doubts (me), but we've made up and are hopefully better for it, learning to be more patient, and to be more accepting and let things happen if they do and make peace if they don't. This is where I am; I hope for more and better in 2010.

For manifestations, to start off, J and I are talking about getting married, so that's a big one, maybe with a ring and a question soon :) Hopefully too, and with my parents' help, we can get a house in the Heights, as well, and with a good price/location if we play our cards right :) As to more mundane matters, I would finally like to be able to bike on my own! ;) I am also hoping to see C soon, as well as go home in March and maybe Panama sometime and Germany/Russia in August; I would love to get a copy of J's Grandaunt Fanny's honey cake recipe one of these days, as well as make kombucha with J's help (and maybe more homemade creams etc in the future, too)! Then there's this rewards card, "Go Local Austin" I'm convincing J for me/us to get one the next time we swing by: the rewards look cool, and we're in Austin enough to use it, I think. And if we're not, it can certainly give us more reason to come by :) And more reason for me to go to Daily Juice: I want to try their smoothie "Cosmic Trigger" next :) I also want to get more Juara products: they are an Indonesian-based skincare line I've recently tried that reevaluated my whole thinking/treatment of my skin. My skin feels so much more relaxed and soft and supple. Asian botanicals for Asian skin: that seems to make sense. Of course, hopefully continue climbing and kickboxing, maybe even jiu jitsu in the future with more money, and maybe some swing dancing, too. I would also love to get back on track in getting certified to teach, especially ESL and Special Ed for traditional schooling, and definitely Montessori for Lower Elementary. Then get schooled in Holistic Nutrition from ACHS, maybe even a master's degree in Education from the University of Houston. There are other things I would like, like books, and cooking appliances (and a trampoline!), but for now, these are the big things, things I can accomplish in 5 years, hopefully. As to a more macro level, I hope more local products, markets and businesses will develop and flourish, as with more synergetic Eastern-Western medicine; more alternatives to coal and fossil fuel (connected to going local, too, like mass transit, and bikes, and electric cars) as those are on a steady decline, as well. I hope technology in these cases and such related will continue to grow and develop, as I believe this is the way of the future.

I hope this finds y'all happy, healthy and hearty :) Here's to a peaceful end to 2009, and great promise of 2010! I wish everyone love and blessings, peace and light. :)

And the Credding Bell Saga Continues...

So last weekend, J and I went to a workshop held by Connecting Marriages, under the umbrella Twogether Texas. It was an 8-hour class on a Saturday, one-time only, so that's fine. It waives the 3-day waiting period for a marriage license and saves you $60 off your marriage license. That's really icing on the cake: what we went for was its shedding light on the marriage process, and relationship stuff, and so on. What we walked away with was the certificate, but also a better idea on our dynamics, and how we can improve that; it also showed us we are not alone--in love, and in intercultural unions, to name but a few. No ring yet, but we're looking into that... someday, I guess, maybe?

Along this trend, I was reading this blog that got me into ordering the book, The Meaning of Wife. Because as much as there is talk about weddings and such, what about after, which is what matters, anyway (I think)? It might prove to be good reading. And with J's and my different religious views, I got this book, Celebrating Interfaith Marriages, because religion I think plays a big role in our lives, our psyches, how we view the world, whether we admit it or not. In light of our workshop, it'll affect not only our potential ceremony, but our whole union, so I'm going to see what this book has to convey. Maybe, maybe this really is all coming together; I hope it is.

My parents touched down on Houston this afternoon. We leave for Machu Picchu on Thursday. Ironing stuff out, can't wait: haven't seen my dad since March, my mom since May. And since then, my dad's been sick, so, I'm a bit anxious: they're getting older and that can't be helped; what more my grandparents? I just hope they're all ok. This is the worst thing about being away from home: it's being away from family and friends, not being there to see the little changes that add up over time. I just hope I don't miss out on too much, and that I can visit soon.

I finally went to the doctor about my cough/cold/flu/whatever, and I seem to have acute bronchitis. The doc said it can last 2 weeks (as I have it), or more. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

School is progressing. Office work gets frustrating sometimes, but c'est la vie. I'd prefer to spend all my time with my kids, but I guess this way with office work in the afternoon is more balanced. Sometimes, too, what to do with kids who don't take anything seriously, or who want to play all day? What about kids who get so mad they shut down? All kinds of questions: I just hope I find answers as I work with them more.

Almost-Credding Bells?

Well, J and I have been talking of "Step 2"*, and I look at this website for grounding advice and whatnot; I've also been looking at dresses lately that should still be affordably priced, 'coz who can't discount prices nowadays??? Plus most girls like dresses and like to look pretty, and I am one of those. I was looking at this dress. Now for shoes: I don't know what style, especially as I don't have the teensiest feet. Maybe this? I was thinking something else: the more we can save, the more money we can use towards other stuff like honeymoon, or furniture, or other shopping stuff, or photographers like this one, and so on. I love pictures, so it's a semi-big deal: they're memories, and those count. Pictures and maybe gifts for guests like from here? Plus we won free invites here; yay! Ok, so things are still up in the air, no ring in sight, but J told me, "have patience, mouse*." And I said "mraow." We are going to a pre-crarriage* class next Saturday, which is completely free (whee!), by the way, here. That way, we save on a potential license, and all that, so yay more savings. Since I was too sick this weekend to go look at shiny jewelry, much to my frustration (body 1, me 0) and I will be going on a trip later this month with my folks to Machu Picchu, I playfully told J, now you can look without me! And he said yes :) We tried Etsy, but we didn't find anything that really caught us. So eh, we'll see. And J said that it has to be perfect for me, nothing from a bucket out of Safeway, no sir. Aaaw <3

So this is where we are. May Fortune/Lady Luck/God smile on us. We'll see how this will all turn out.



*Step 1= serious committed dating/moving in
Step 1.5= engagement?
Step 2= marriage
Step 2.5= preggers?
Step 3= children
- My folks did not follow this process AT ALL, so want mine to be perfect, whee! (Who can blame them for wanting the best for their baby girl/only child, though)

*mouse= me
bee= J

*credding= wedding
crarriage= marriage
-I refuse to say the actual word as I am too shy

Time to get un-ill

Ugh. Sick as a dog. Getting better, hopefully, evidence being I'm typing right now, but yeah, my Mom says it's probably a head-cold: intense head pain (alternating between a band tightening around my head with a cap bearing down); chills alternating with feeling super hot; and aching joints. Not a lot of mucous, though. Oh well, I'm combating this with Dayquil first and Tylenol as needed. House-bound all the way, feh. J's mom said the first year she was teaching her doctor gave her this advice: keep your hands away from your mouth/eyes; wash hands as often as possible, or have hand sanitizer. Good advice; she reminded me it'll take a while to get enough immunities/antibodies to my kids' germs and whatnot, so yeah. I hope I get better soon.

Of Soup and School

Wow, it's only Tuesday and I already feel beat. A good thing I did (with J) today was vote at the local election for school trustee, mayor, and various propositions to be passed in state government, I guess. And as we parked, we saw the twinkling lights of downtown in the distance. Classic Houston moment: beauty amid lack of zoning laws.

But I digress. As a backgrounder, I work at a public school's Montessori program as a teaching assistant, but given the nature of Montessori classes, and the added plus of my pretty good rapport (touch wood!) with the teacher I assist (Ms. T), I am a teaching assistant acting more like a co-teacher, which is great experience. It started out that I was only to work in the classroom, but now I act as cafeteria co-marshall, then after a brief lunch, work in the office/administrative part of the school, making my work experience pretty well-rounded. Tiring? Yes. Informative? Most definitively. I think--and hope--that it'll pay off in the end. Heck, last week there was a district-wide mandated online testing requirement for teachers/salaried staff called ASPIRE, and even as I'm hourly, I was pulled to do it! It was mind-numbing to say the least, but I will say again that I (still) count my lucky stars. So all these experiences have been shaping me to hopefully be a better teacher: this week in particular found me especially stern with my class of kids. I love them, but they need to follow protocol! Man oh man, suffice it to say two kids had a curtailed recess period today. After being nice to them all morning, a stern Ms. S was a shock for them, and one of them in particular, who I've been especially encouraging with, rebuked me, saying "you're mean!" And I said, "I like you, but you have to make better choices; you know better!" to which he reluctantly nodded his head, even a tad ruefully. But I hated being stern and firm, to which end Ms. T patted my shoulder at the end of the day and said, "Be strong!" Indeed; the trials of a teacher continue. But as long as one of my 20 kids learns something, hopefully more than one; then it will all be worth it. I have hope yet.

In other news, I made soup last week.

You heard that right, I who doesn't cook, made soup--not the kind from a can, but since I like to do things all the way, I made soup from scratch. Soup made of fish and clams and shrimp and saffron, to name but a few ingredients.

Ok, so that's more like a stew than soup.

It all started when J and I went to Central Market with J's intention of getting some fish to make this little Asian islander happy. Well, yours truly had a sudden flash of brilliance: why not make a rustic bouillabaise of some sort? So we bought redfish, shrimp and clams, much to J's chagrin. To soothe his quiet alarm, I called my mom for guidance. Well, mothers know best, at least most of the time, and this time was no exception. Of course we Filipinos don't really use measurements, but rather do the "rough eyeing, taste-testing measurement." Voila, my mom's rough recipe. Note: this should only be done in 1 pan, making clean-up hopefully a bit easier!

1. Heat pan; cover pan with olive oil (maybe 1/4 c)
2. Saute 1 whole garlic (minced), 2 whole onions (chopped), and 3 chopped tomatoes.
3. Add fish one at a time: 1/5 lb. redfish, 1/5 lb. shrimp, 1/2 lb. clams*; brown.
4. Drench mixture in white wine (better half of a bottle; don't be stingy!), add 1 small can of tomato sauce* to mixture.
5. Add 2 bay leaves, 2 pcs. anise or equiv. 1/4 tsp., 1 Tbsp. saffron (I used 2 sachets); 1 pinch equiv. of 1/4 tsp. of sugar; add salt and pepper to taste.
5a. Optional: add red peppers (in can--small can), or 6-8 olives (black preferably), or chopped potatoes, or garbanzos/chickpeas, or all of the above for a heartier stew
6. Simmer, 30 minutes or a bit longer.
7. Serve and enjoy!

*tomato paste can also be substituted: just use equal parts water for tomato paste: stir and add into the pot!
*clams must be soaked overnight in ice and a bit of salt for the sand to be removed from the clams: they will spit, even when dead! Keep shrimp in shell, as well as clams, though DO clean clams beforehand to remove the sand; skin and chop the fish into pieces.

Serve stew with either garlic bread or garlic fried rice, latter's recipe below:

1. Steam rice.
2. Heat olive oil in pan
3. brown some garlic
4. dump steamed rice in (older, leftover plain rice is preferable)
5. add salt; stir-fry
6. Serve and eat!
*measurements are up to you: Filipino style!

This is most of it from my end: we had leftover soup from this recipe for tonight's dinner, as well as leftover pizza, and organic buttery popcorn for dessert, as well as coconut maple-pecan ice cream and blood orange sorbet, topped off with some red wine: trashy meets gourmet, hello! Next paycheck, I would like to buy some merchandise from this website.

Whee! Goodnight y'all! Enjoy the (hopefully) cooler weather! For those in the US, it's time to fall back; don't forget to get some rays to avoid getting SAD!

2009 Juli

I have become a legal Texas Driver since July 14 :) Which means I have been driving to work. Woot woot; go me!

Housewarming last Saturday: yay domesticity?

September and October I have no obligations, so that means more "us time", just me and J. Yay. <3

Looking for good education postgrad colleges in Texas. If anyone has ideas, please let me know.

So little money, so much to buy.

Still studying to be a teacher. Hopefully, hopefully.

Cardio kickboxing but frustrated as I don't seem to be losing weight, or I don't know, I hope I am.

I should eat less and exercise more. Even if J says I am beautiful. I don't think so, and wish I looked better.

So.

I hope it's J and me, more and more, better and better, together and for always.

Fuzzy mushy thoughts.

Goodnight.

6.29.09*

is my last day of work before a 2-day off. Sweet.

I want to make granola. and kombucha. and yogurt. 'Coz I think it can be done.

I am also thinking of reformatting this blog, to create a new username for uniformity.

I still need to learn to ride a bike, and get my driver's license, and get a new SS card. And possibly change my health insurance. And maybe join a gym, beCAUSE I might be getting visibly fat. I feel tired, so I get lazy...and it's a vicious cycle. I SHOULD exercise but...NO BUTS!

And there are steps....maybe, steps to ascend? <3 I can dream and hope.

And of course I've got to pay bills. Dammit. We cannot escape death, bills and taxes.

Things are good; I hope they can only get better. Life is good, not much to gripe about, but too busy either way.

Is this the new generation of yuppie-busy-blogging?

I try.

*Happy birthday, D. I should forget, but I haven't: I don't think I can. You were the first, after all. I wish you well from my wellness; goodbye.

Of Things in the Now and Later

J and I celebrate a year of being officially together, next week. Next week, holy cow. And with a deciding education test looming 2 weeks after that, I should've been studying, but no, I was looking at schm(w)edding sites like planning and rings and stuff, how it can be done with $2000, or why can't rings be simple bands, and even engagement ones to not have big shiny rocks? And something of contention between us (even if we haven't discussed "it!"): schm(w)edding favors.

Then there is moving. We have found a place, and J is moving there on Saturday and I on Monday. A place of our own, he likes to point out. And despite my fears, I told my parents, albeit through the postal service. I had to.

So here we are. A year pretty soon, and then hopefully more and more. Onward and upward, I pray and hope.

Life Got in the Way

I used to write and post little (and some not-so-little!) ditties and of-the-moments constantly. Granted, I still do, only less profound and more transitory, via the all-knowing, all-encompassing Facebook. But it's not the same.

Life got in the way, that's what.

There are just so many things that happen. So many sundry tasks I never took for granted as they were all done for me in a past life but now no longer. Now I sweep my floors and mop when I can, launder my dirty clothing, clean my bathroom and sinks and everything else. It must get done, and done by me. Other tasks too like finally getting my car fully functional via a plate so I can finally drive and not be driven around. Then there is work. Work to pay the bills, and to get food in my belly. Work so I can continue doing all things myself. Old work, and now newer, more stringent work. Celluloid downloads to get away from it all, in itself a race to be up to date on. And then love: in my boyfriend whom I love more than life, who occupies my thoughts and dreams and hopes and whom I wish I could spend forever with.

So I forget to write. I forget to write about Thanksgiving, my first break in ages, after working 3 jobs. And it was a wonderful time of waking up late and cuddling and snuggling, of eating my fill and maybe more. Christmas is already around the corner: already people are putting up decorations and radios are belting out holiday tunes.

Busy days indeed. This is life: this is my life.

Sometimes

...I feel I wear my heart on my sleeve too much.

...I give my boyfriend too much leeway and try to please him too much.

...I wish he'd tell me what's the score.

...I wish I could take stuff I said/did back.

...I wonder how single-hood compares to attached-hood and if I should revert.

...I overthink and panic.

STOP.

Dancing with the Universe

I have to share this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY or his site http://www.wherethehellismatt.com

Watch the video. Awe-inspiring, goosebumpy-ohmygod-tear-up WOW.

Incidentally took my 1st class at Fountainview, Taz teaching (haven't had her in a good long while). This in the face of sleeping at 6 am, no breakfast, 3rd class in a row, practicing in the front beside Claire, and wearing a bra-top and loud faux-Pucci shorts to offset my tiredness, which worked, I guess. Yey for Bishnu Ghosh day!

Sick day

Incidentally, maybe low feelings can bring one's health down, but I got really congested and runny nose last night, and so I slept with (alcohol-soaked) socks and a sweater. This morning I woke up with a heavy head (like a bowling ball!) and tight chest, slightly feverish. Everything hurts and I feel so tired. I am moving in slow motion, I swear. Tomorrow's interview 2 for a PR job I'm applying for, so I dunno how that'll go. It's outside of the loop, so I might seriously ask someone for a ride and pay them back with a good dinner, or something. And I teach afterwards in the evening (it's a whole day affair), so ack. I heard shady stuff about it, so we'll see if there'll even be interview 3. Gotta check bus sked, as well! Drinking a fortified herbal beverage now to strengthen my immune system and rev up my energy. I hope it works. Someone also mentioned epsom salts to maybe align my thyroid, salt, magnesium issues as I've been craving salt and electrolytes like anything. The fat and sugar and protein, maybe a side-effect, but hopefully it'll get fixed. Maybe I should do yoga, as well, after I teach, to push myself: I feel like doing that today. Get my mind focused. Or take a nap, that sounds good, too. Or both. Heck, why not.

I (kinda) figured it out

I shouldn't open my heart too much, but guard it. Maybe I like him too fast, too much. I don't know why, and he seems to like me, too, but I don't want to be devastated again. It's painful, and crushing.

Laundry. Feeling congested. Hopefully tomorrow (or later) is better. I teach the noon and 4:30: those are usually good energy classes. Then take 6:30? Maybe, maybe. Hopefully eating should be scaling down, too.

But yeah, gotta protect my heart. Never be too vulnerable. And do I need to talk to him later? Maybe I should hold out. It hurts too much to be so open. As much as it is beautiful and exhilarating, it hurts. I don't like getting hurt. Then again, there is that common sentiment that love is a roller coaster ride: full of highs and lows, thus it can't be love without these extremes. I dunno. I can be passionate, but it can be too intense, I guess: the lows too low. Maybe I should step away from this first, see if he misses me, see if he feels similarly, at least. 'Coz it'll hurt even more if he doesn't, and that, that I might not bear as easily, bounce back from as unscathed. I love him so much it's scary. Now to step back, and see his side, maybe. Burrow myself in work, in yoga, in reading, whatever else maybe. Maybe? Again, I dunno. Oh God the ache. Oh God the drama? Maybe I wanted it: maybe I told the universe I wanted something different for a change, but still good. But now, enough, make it good times again!

I should turn in soon. A good thing about being sad is I usually have much less desire to eat. That and not do anything else, though, so oh well. I have stuff to think about. Scratch that. I need sleep. Yes. And yoga.

Job interview #2. It's a ways out, past the loop, so hopefully they'll give me a good offer. I need all the luck and prayers, so storm heaven, please--regarding Jess, regarding employment. Incidentally, I got told off by my boss, that I should study to get better, that mistakes should no longer happen, yadayada. I resent that, but he is right, I just wish he said it better. But it is what it is. We shall see.

Eff it.

I am as miserable as a bird who got left behind for the winter migration. Or something. Moping like mad. All this over a missed phone call. I wanted to tell my boyfriend about my day so bad, but my Mom called ahead by about a minute and I very well couldn't hang up. So I called the minute I hung up, but got voice mail. No call back. I get desperate and miserable and a feeling of "d'oh!" permeates my being. Damn tear ducts decide to start working overtime this instant. What. the. hell. Anyway. How can it hurt so easily, so deeply, so quickly? Damn it all, I am not used to this. I don't like this: feeling too useless to do anything, not even enough to go out and get a drink. I feel like an effin' zombie. Why is it like this? I don't like being this vulnerable. I feel like I was at fault, but that doesn't seem right: it's not like I deliberately missed his call: I was speaking to my MOM. So I feel like taking a step back and not answering calls or any form of communication from him half to punish him (in a skewed way for not calling back--female logic), but also because I don't like getting this involved, this deep into and vulnerable to someone. At the same time I miss him so much it hurts. Fuck it. I hate this. Why, why, WHY.

Damn leaky ducts.

To the Universe

I am putting it out there. Yes, I am in a relationship--a real, honest-to-goodness one, after all this time. Seemingly on equal footing. And he treats me right. He has professed to the four-letter word, and I must confess the emotion is strong in me, as well. We shall see how it goes. It goes without saying I am hoping for the best.

I have a new apartment that is slowly but surely taking shape. I am liking the freedom.

And yes, I must tell my parents, soon.

This is Step One.