I'm Still Here!

Sorry for the long silence; the main reason for that is....drumroll.....I'm pregnant!

Right now I'm 15 weeks going on 16 this Sunday, and let me agree with most mothers when they say that there should a be a 3-month leave for the 1st trimester. SO TRUE! This pregnancy was actually a surprise, and just when was getting fit, drinking my green smoothies, getting into my nutrition program, I got LASIK, and noticed while I was recovering that I was...more tired than usual and craved more meat. We took one of those home pregnancy tests, and it had a plus, but I was dubious and in denial. J wisely suggested I go to the doctor, and yep, he confirmed that I was banged up, had a bun in the oven, PREGGO.

It honestly took me a while to deal with this, add to that bone-weary fatigue and a real sensitive nose and stomach, plus my family has a different birth vision than ours. Theirs is the hospital model, whereas I want a home birth and a midwife; and J even wants a birthing pool! Both sides think theirs is the safer choice, so what to do? Eventually, we have settled into a truce of sorts. They don't want to hear much about it, but J's parents are pretty receptive, and we will be looking at a back-up hospital, just in case. Also, in doing my research, I realized that there's not really a bunch of nutrition information for moms, and I think this is so crucial! Hmm, my target market after school, perhaps?!

In the midst of all this, I was sleeping, resting....and not doing much else(!), so I got waaaaaay behind in my studies. There was a test looming, and I was so scared I wouldn't do it: I was ready to call the school and ask to be put at a later class, but classmates told me that meant starting over! Starting over?! That put me in high study-gear, with room for not much else, including my favorite mind-clearer and stress-reliever, exercise! The test opened up last week, and we also did last-minute plans (hair and make-up, music, food tasting, etc) for our wedding renewal for J's side of the world, followed by a flurry of emails on our return home. Talk about busy, and may I say accomplished! I crammed the last two modules yesterday as I felt that was the only way to get everything done in time for the test, reassuring my methodical brain that I will go back to them later....and eating horribly in the process :( So I took the test....and passed with a 90/100! Lesson learned: don't fall behind! Limit Internet time! At J's suggestion, I took the rest of the day off, but not really: I did wedding welcome paper bags to be productive and creative, which was nice: stamping and heat-embossing: it's been too long since I last did those! I was too pooped to clean up, though, so I did that this morning. Now, I'm refreshed to do more!

So...studies, and wedding plans, and exercise, which has been in the back burner, yikes! Time to get moving again: my body will thank me! Yes, I have a little belly now, but must tone that with exercise! So much to do and think about, but as we are taught in marketing class at IIN, one step at a time.

Here are some snapshots of what I did last night for the lucky people staying at the Holiday Inn for the wedding weekend! We've got other things up our sleeves, too: stay tuned! 22 days to the wedding #3: the countdown has begun!

Not My Best Day

So I had LASIK last Friday, and til this Saturday, I can't work out. So that means more time for me to study, right? And am I studying? Nooooo. Today is Day 4, post-op for LASIK and I was supposed to go see my optometrist...note the verb "was." Problem is, when I tried to start my car, it.wouldn't.start. Plus when I entered my car, it was COOL. In the heat of summer. What in blazes is going on? Needless to say, I have not been a happy camper ever since, kinda sulking my way through the day after freaking out. A friend said I could call my car insurance's 24-hour whatever service, and my husband said I could call a cab to get to the doctor's or get my car jumpstarted to get to the mechanic, but that just all seems so STRESSFUL and uncertain. Good thing this all happened in our backyard/parking lot. Aaaargh.

And yesterday, I was obsessing over my online name that would go with my planned logos through a brilliant student designer: Therese Totten or Trissa Totten? I went from one to the other CONSTANTLY, the WHOLE day. I even looked at this name site to figure out what name was more me, and yet they're BOTH me. So I went with Therese: more formal, more known. I'll figure out Trissa later. And I registered that online address, just in case.

So with that yesterday and now my car not starting today, it has been a crappy, sulky week. The weather even agrees: it's been raining on and off since Sunday: good for the plants, crappy for my mood and industriousness. I usually eat at times likes these, and I admit I did, but I can do something else not as damaging to my waistline (but to my wallet instead, ulp): online shopping: but they were admittedly on my wishlist already, anyway, so there. I still couldn't work, so I figured on journaling, hence why I am here. Plus my flow hasn't dropped: I am way overdue: maybe because of all the stress? I dunno, but the fact that it's still waiting hasn't helped.

And let me tell you, those drops I have to use on my eyes? I have 3-4: Durezol (steroidal/anti-inflammatory), Zymaxid (antibiotic), and Optive/Optive Refresh (artificial tears). They ALL give me these weird bitter aftertastes at the back of my throat, not to mention a ton of eye gunk on my lashes and around my eyes! I was hoping to tell my doctor that today, but oh well. I just hope that these drops will be worth it, and I'm doing it all right, and my corneas will behave, and won't revert (like my cousin's did, yikes).

So what to do now? Continue being lazy and maybe pop a video in, or try and work coz that's what I'm home for, dammit? This writing/unloading exercise is making me feel a bit less bottled up/stressed, at least, so we'll see.

Still Kickin'

Hello, everyone!

It has been a while, hasn't it? Well, a lot has transpired, and as you all know, life can keep us from living full out, sometimes, ironic as that may seem. On February 14, I enrolled in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, a year-long course to be a holistic health coach. Since this is me, I also went ahead and enrolled in other programs to "beef up" my resume/"marketability." As the health coach classes progressed, I got less and less involved (and admittedly quite resentful) of my school job, so I quit, in time for LASIK surgery this past Friday. I am currently recovering (and should thus get off this computer soon!), but as of Saturday, my optometrist told me I have 20-20 vision, praise God! I hope my corneas stay behaved and don't revert. As for people saying it is painless, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. There is some pain and especially light-sensitivity the 1st 2 days. And as for working the day after? Don't do it: I recommend working (if you must) at the very earliest on the 2nd day after surgery, e.g. if you had LASIK Friday, work minimally on Sunday, and keep your eyes as protected and hydrated as possible.

So I'm studying a lot, including working on having a logo for my health coaching, as well as recovering from LASIK, and planning for wedding # 3 with J, who, thank goodness, chose the pictures from wedding #2 for the wedding album: it stressed out my OCD-perfectionist mind too much. We're also still working on our thank you cards for wedding #2 (Manila). Not fun and quite tedious, actually, but gratefulness must be practiced.

J has been hard at work planting what little land he could use from the neighbor, as we don't have our own house and yard yet. In the process, he made a friend out of our neighbor's 10-year old son, which was sweet to see. He also made a solar oven, and wine from a kit-- a nice young Bergemais red, as well as strawberry wine. He canned tomato sauce today. What a guy.

Hopefully when wedding #3 is done and I'm more settled with my various programs we'll start looking at houses again, and I may even set up "shop" as a health coach in training :) I plan on specializing in women's health, specifically skin and digestive issues, and possibly hormonal issues, as well. We are doing our best living and loving in the process.

I have a favor to ask: Can y'all help me with my brand-spankin' new business name? I already have "Happy Healthy Life Now" set aside, but I am also debating between using "Therese Totten" or "Trissa Totten." Therese is my formal name, but I grew up with Trissa. I thought to grow out of it as I got older, but I find myself returning to it now: it feels like returning to my roots, my Self. I am really leaning toward Trissa. Someone I admire told me to stick to my gut feel, my individuality, and yet a classmate is telling me to stay formal in business. So now I am conflicted. Help, please!

In any case, be happy, be healthy, and be well.

Hopes and Dreams

I recently read this book by Jenna Woginrich, and she is my new hero. She recently wrote about writing your goals and dreams, so here goes.

I am tired of work sometimes that doesn't seem to go anywhere. I toil everyday and everyday it is the same. Maybe it is the stress and the mental fatigue, but I am exhausted and sick more often than I or my husband like. And that tells us that something's wrong. It makes me think of wanting to escape and do something else. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate my present jobs--I love being around my students! But I feel no matter what I do, the situation doesn't change. And I don't know about other people, but that fruitlessness is something that I can't deal with forever. I question my goal of being a teacher because of it: the system, I feel, is harming rather than helping, and that I cannot deal with, nor stomach. But I have to: it is my job, and it is slowly killing my spirit.

So before I lose my pluck and put my head down again, I will say my intention. I want a homestead of our own, with a dog, a cat, chickens, pygmy goats, vegetable and fruit plants, and maybe Angora rabbits, pigs and bees someday. I want to learn how to make butter, cheese, bread, soap and candles, as well as have homemade kombucha; live as off the grid or independently as possible. I want to learn how to play my Strumstick, and play it well. I want to learn how to knit and sew, to make socks and sweaters and beanies for my husband, and make dresses for myself. I want to make cards and paper products (with my rubber stamps and letter press) to supplement the farm, then sell this with our extra eggs and dairy, maybe some candles and soap, and maybe even fruits and vegetables and honey, as well as the occasional knitted product in a farmer's market. Then maybe we can even talk about children, if our bodies are blessed to have them: milky-coffee skin with brown or hazel eyes and black hair, and happy, inquisitive spirits who fear nothing and welcome everything.

And even as I want to eke out a farm existence, I still like to shop, or at least look. But if I can make it myself, then that's what I prefer. I am still a girl who likes shops and working out in a gym, as well as getting a good haircut and color, and the occasional pedicure and massage, but the crowded, expensive city with no room to homestead is beginning to frustrate me and lose its charm on me.

For now, I want this dog. Her name is Jelly Bean. She is a 6-month old rescue dog. Our friend Lisa told us about her. I sent in my application to have her, but I guess I heard wrong about our landlord being ok with dogs; I am still trying to persuade him to think otherwise. I hope I will be successful. Latest update: I'd like to meet this kitty, too. His name is Kai, and hopefully my husband won't be allergic to him, otherwise we have to look at this breeder who charges $600 per kitty. So yeah, methinks rescue animals are still best, costs included!

Let's start with Jelly Bean, and hope my husband and I can get out and hopefully find satisfaction, as well as our place in the sun.

Catching Up

It's been a busy week for me and Jess. Over the weekend, we went to the farmer's market and saw baby goats(!) then went to a Japanese festival and an arts market: we saw sword and taiko drum demo's at the former, and had snow cones and a vegan burrito as well as saw anarchist books at the latter. We also went to a nice "Texan-Tuscan" restaurant called Stella Sola near us and had good food, crab carbonara being one of the dishes: phenomenal, if you can believe it! Oh, Jess also made rabbit stew today and it was good, though I cringed every time I would spit out a tiny bone. Oh, man: such are times when I think of becoming vegan again, though I recently bought some vegan books for brunch and baked goodies: I still like to think of veganism, and am still very open to it: in fact, I prefer to make vegan stuff. We've also been dipping our hand into growing herbs, and so far so good. We've got a tomato plant (but no tomatoes yet), rosemary, sage, basil, a pepper plant in our apartment, and oregano, dill, spinach and basil at the garden box below. In the future, I would still like to have chickens and goats to raise, maybe make my own kombucha and yogurt with Jess' help--grown your own, I strongly say.

We also went to city hall downtown today to apply for our marriage license, but it turns out that we applied for a marriage license too soon-- the period is 3-30 days, not 90! So we have to go back either end of April or beginning of May so that it's late enough for the license to still be valid for Jess' family's and my Mom's visit when we'll hopefully get it officiated (ie legally married May 21, 2010--my mom wanted my birthday but it was the middle of the week: this way, Jess' family can attend, and besides, I was told it might be safer to have it on another day besides a birthday), as well as bring the form we got from our marriage prep class. I was wrestling with it over the weekend: like this is real, and it's SERIOUS: as in not going out for dinner, or washing clothes, MARRIAGE, OK?! i.e. committing to spending the rest of your life (at least in theory and hopefully so) with one person, who is Jess! Am I ready? Do I want this? Can I do this? So I turned the tables and asked him (of course), and he said he still wants it. So I thought about it in turn, and yes, I think this is still what I want. I don't think no one will ever be ready for it, and if you are, you are either limiting it, or I don't know what! But some fear/trepidation is healthy, I think, as nothing is ever certain, least of all marriage-- sharing your life with someone else, and building dreams and a life together. So as long as you are willing to try and be committed, hopefully, this enterprise will work. I pray it will. I will try my best to trust in this (and trust is no small feat for me to do).

Apart from this, it's been work and work, with kickboxing classes at the gym in between to be fit and stress-free. By the way, the elementary school I work at in Houston, Garden Oaks Elementary, is back in the process for applying for a grant to be all-Montessori, so that's hopefully a good thing: after working at a Montessori classroom, I can't imagine going back to traditional setting, except maybe small groups for Special Ed, but even then. So with the potential grant, I hope I can apply for certification. I hope it works out!

As for this summer, I will probably stay in the US, for monetary reasons and just to relax before everything gets crazy. We're also planning to visit my Dad's side of the family in Toronto this summer for a wedding, so yeah. As much as I miss Europe, but I've already been to Asia this year, and that's a lot for my system as it is: I think it's best to stay sharp and stay in the same time zone for the coming school year, where hopefully I will still have a job!

I also got a copy of Food Inc (as well as signed their petition for better food in schools, woot!), and maybe Jess and I will watch it soon. I'm really excited to watch this Irish animated movie called "The Secret of Kells:" it's supposedly pretty good. I'm also lately into this mineral make-up called "Bare Escentuals." I ordered some and am really excited to try it. I dumped my old make-up as old stuff develop bacteria over time, so I said why not. I am also bidding on eBay as it can be cheaper, like Lululemon capris for working out: they are primarily a yoga company, but their fabric is so nice and flattering, and the colors are pretty too. I'm also looking into this brand of shoes advocating Barefoot technology without looking too extreme like Vibram Five Fingers, and they're called Vivo Barefoot by Terra Plana. And there's Skullcandy for music stuff, and maybe some Brooks and Moving Comfort/Her Room for physical activity, and maybe some Earth Shoes/Dansko/Simple Shoes in the future? Of course, there's always books/videos I am pining for on Amazon, as well as other things in other sites, but to each its own time, especially with my tiny salary! I sometimes lament to Jess that I like stuff too much, but hopefully that's normal, and hopefully I'm not too too much into getting stuff: I try to buy good stuff, but I try to limit it to what I really want, and for cheaper, if possible. That's what I actually told Jess in response to this video called "The Story of Stuff" of how it's an endless cycle of wanting something to working to get it then buying and repeat; I think it's fun to buy stuff and want things: I think it shows we're human: it helps the economy, too. However, I also do believe there is a limit, and if we can buy "reuse" by getting stuff from friends that they don't like but we do, or buying stuff from people (like on eBay) that they no longer like but we do, then it's kinda limiting the amount of excess stuff that's out there. There is that saying: "One man's trash is another man's treasure." I believe in that, and I believe that leads to a healthy economy of sorts.

As for wedding stuff, I still need to fix the invites, and the marriage license and am waiting on the dress here in Houston. But apart from that, we got the venue/food, the photographer/videographer; I have my birth certificate and baptismal certificate (yay!); we have definite ideas how to do our wedding favors, are working on the invites, the church's permission (especially as we're overseas and are a mixed-religion couple), and am still tweaking the flowers, as well as hair and make-up. As for jewelry, I'm hoping pearls will be ok with my Mom as Jess' abuela (maternal grandmom) is lending me her Panamanian mosquetas (pearl brooch and earrings). I've always wanted to wear pearls, and so what if pearls=tears: what if those tears are happy ones? So there. Hopefully I don't have to do doves too: poor doves, and hello potential bird poop on clothes! I'm still thinking about the bouquet: maybe I don't have to toss it (I would like not to), but Jess said I have to think of something as replacement as people are used to tradition: in place of the old, they need a new one.

So this is my news-tidbit/s thus far. I feel like the calm before the storm, though underneath it is a frenetic juggling act that bursts every now and then to make sure that we're still floating; I just hope that everything will be ok, and that it is so.

May this find you well.

Farewell 2009, Hello 2010

I hope this finds everyone well. I am still recovering from a bad cold that could've stemmed from allergies I could've caught in Austin. No worries, though. We got stuff done, anyway: just yesterday Jess had a haircut while I got me a facial, then we got new pillows from B3, got some produce from Whole Foods (including black-eyed peas for New Year's) as it's right across B3, then got my schedule from WEPCo, changed sheets at home, called it a day then had a late lunch of ceviche and crackers. We also took the trash out, and I plan to do laundry today: out with the old, in with the new, I think, extends even to this. I am so proud-grateful-glad J has been so patient thus far :) Let's hope it continues! As to what we'll do this New Year's Eve, we have no real plans, save eating some black-eyed peas tomorrow for New Year's Day tradition.

Aside from black-eyed peas from this side of the world, my family has traditions for New Year's too: peanuts and pineapple and grapes and tangerines and gold/silver chocolate coins (for money), totaling to 8 kinds of round-ish fruit/etc to be put on a round bowl/plate for the coming year. (8's the lucky Chinese number: it sounds like luck, just as pineapple sounds like luck coming in, once translated: J and I vetoed the pineapple as we already have a pomegranate that'll do, thank you very much) My mom also said no chicken on the first day of the year so our luck won't fly away: better fish or pork (and beef, I guess). I was also recommended a doctor in Manila who's into more holistic paths, hopefully, the path of the future :)

So what has 2009 given me? For starters, I eased off of Bikram yoga in March for a temporary leave that has turned indefinite, giving me more time to focus on commuting and also working at WEPCo. In April, my Dad underwent a quadruple stent surgery (oh no!) but J and I moved into a nice attic-space in the Heights with lots of room, a washer and dryer included (yay)! Of course and with the help of Yelp, I took it upon myself to learn more about our neighborhood, finding gems and friends in stores like Kaboom books, Hello Lucky, Antidote Coffee, Saturday farmer's markets like T'afia and Urban Harvest, Blue Line Bike Lab, Urban Jungle Self Defense and 19th St among others. July found me passing my driver's road test after the 2nd attempt and after many prayers and practice, ie not needing to take the bus anymore (unless I wanted to)! June-July also was our housewarming, and me getting into kickboxing and slowly getting some fitness back, as well as finding results in Natalia Rose's book, "The Raw Food Detox Diet;" thank God :) In September, amidst the catastrophe of Typhoon Ondoy, a volunteer spot turned into a job opening for me as a Montessori teaching assistant at Garden Oaks Elementary. Juggling two jobs just didn't give me enough time off, so I went down to pool/reserve for WEPCo in October, during which J and I also a took a pre-marriage class from Connecting Marriages. In November, my parents visited, and not only did we go to Austin for their first Thanksgiving, but we went to Peru (Machu Picchu, Lima and Cusco) before that! And before they left, J asked my Dad for my hand, to which my dad gave his blessing. In December, among the Christmas activities (gift-giving and eating), J, his parents, his sister and I all went to see Avatar in 3-D: not bad, actually. J and I've had our fair share of disagreements since then, more probably because of togetherness-pains and anxieties and insecurities and doubts (me), but we've made up and are hopefully better for it, learning to be more patient, and to be more accepting and let things happen if they do and make peace if they don't. This is where I am; I hope for more and better in 2010.

For manifestations, to start off, J and I are talking about getting married, so that's a big one, maybe with a ring and a question soon :) Hopefully too, and with my parents' help, we can get a house in the Heights, as well, and with a good price/location if we play our cards right :) As to more mundane matters, I would finally like to be able to bike on my own! ;) I am also hoping to see C soon, as well as go home in March and maybe Panama sometime and Germany/Russia in August; I would love to get a copy of J's Grandaunt Fanny's honey cake recipe one of these days, as well as make kombucha with J's help (and maybe more homemade creams etc in the future, too)! Then there's this rewards card, "Go Local Austin" I'm convincing J for me/us to get one the next time we swing by: the rewards look cool, and we're in Austin enough to use it, I think. And if we're not, it can certainly give us more reason to come by :) And more reason for me to go to Daily Juice: I want to try their smoothie "Cosmic Trigger" next :) I also want to get more Juara products: they are an Indonesian-based skincare line I've recently tried that reevaluated my whole thinking/treatment of my skin. My skin feels so much more relaxed and soft and supple. Asian botanicals for Asian skin: that seems to make sense. Of course, hopefully continue climbing and kickboxing, maybe even jiu jitsu in the future with more money, and maybe some swing dancing, too. I would also love to get back on track in getting certified to teach, especially ESL and Special Ed for traditional schooling, and definitely Montessori for Lower Elementary. Then get schooled in Holistic Nutrition from ACHS, maybe even a master's degree in Education from the University of Houston. There are other things I would like, like books, and cooking appliances (and a trampoline!), but for now, these are the big things, things I can accomplish in 5 years, hopefully. As to a more macro level, I hope more local products, markets and businesses will develop and flourish, as with more synergetic Eastern-Western medicine; more alternatives to coal and fossil fuel (connected to going local, too, like mass transit, and bikes, and electric cars) as those are on a steady decline, as well. I hope technology in these cases and such related will continue to grow and develop, as I believe this is the way of the future.

I hope this finds y'all happy, healthy and hearty :) Here's to a peaceful end to 2009, and great promise of 2010! I wish everyone love and blessings, peace and light. :)

Let it Snow.

It snowed in Houston yesterday. Small flecks around 4 pm, then increasingly bigger flakes, til when we closed shop for the night, my colleagues and I all had a snowball fight in the parking lot! Not super big drifts on the ground, but just on cars, a little on the ground, and enough to coat the steps leading to my apartment and front porch!

Oh my God. It snowed. In Houston. Who would've thought.

Who says global warming doesn't exist now?

Life Got in the Way

I used to write and post little (and some not-so-little!) ditties and of-the-moments constantly. Granted, I still do, only less profound and more transitory, via the all-knowing, all-encompassing Facebook. But it's not the same.

Life got in the way, that's what.

There are just so many things that happen. So many sundry tasks I never took for granted as they were all done for me in a past life but now no longer. Now I sweep my floors and mop when I can, launder my dirty clothing, clean my bathroom and sinks and everything else. It must get done, and done by me. Other tasks too like finally getting my car fully functional via a plate so I can finally drive and not be driven around. Then there is work. Work to pay the bills, and to get food in my belly. Work so I can continue doing all things myself. Old work, and now newer, more stringent work. Celluloid downloads to get away from it all, in itself a race to be up to date on. And then love: in my boyfriend whom I love more than life, who occupies my thoughts and dreams and hopes and whom I wish I could spend forever with.

So I forget to write. I forget to write about Thanksgiving, my first break in ages, after working 3 jobs. And it was a wonderful time of waking up late and cuddling and snuggling, of eating my fill and maybe more. Christmas is already around the corner: already people are putting up decorations and radios are belting out holiday tunes.

Busy days indeed. This is life: this is my life.