Eff it.

I am as miserable as a bird who got left behind for the winter migration. Or something. Moping like mad. All this over a missed phone call. I wanted to tell my boyfriend about my day so bad, but my Mom called ahead by about a minute and I very well couldn't hang up. So I called the minute I hung up, but got voice mail. No call back. I get desperate and miserable and a feeling of "d'oh!" permeates my being. Damn tear ducts decide to start working overtime this instant. What. the. hell. Anyway. How can it hurt so easily, so deeply, so quickly? Damn it all, I am not used to this. I don't like this: feeling too useless to do anything, not even enough to go out and get a drink. I feel like an effin' zombie. Why is it like this? I don't like being this vulnerable. I feel like I was at fault, but that doesn't seem right: it's not like I deliberately missed his call: I was speaking to my MOM. So I feel like taking a step back and not answering calls or any form of communication from him half to punish him (in a skewed way for not calling back--female logic), but also because I don't like getting this involved, this deep into and vulnerable to someone. At the same time I miss him so much it hurts. Fuck it. I hate this. Why, why, WHY.

Damn leaky ducts.