Monday, July 03, 2006

One Dream at a Time

Truth be told....

it was awkward suddenly accepting the GA (grad assistant) position.

After the advice my lovely mentor, O-sensei, gave me, I had actually told myself that I would stick it out with PETA for one year--for the experience of working outside the academe, thus broadening my perspectives, at the same time work still being for something I believe in. But it was a grim sort of tenacity. I didn't feel anything really going for me anymore: I was sliding into this daily, mindnumbing grind. Then my manager--my MANAGER (R, who's become the big sister I never had) told me that I don't need to be at PETA to save the animals, that I shouldn't hang on to something just because I'm afraid to let others down. And ohmygod, she was right. I felt stuck, and I feared I would never get out. On the other hand, once I got past the grim determination to stay with PETA, no matter what, I saw that by going the grad assistant way, I would finish faster, and have more possibilities (with the hours freed up from PETA--20 hours from 45!)

Because I do have dreams, 20 of which are the following I hope to do before I leave this earthly plane:
-become a certified yogini in either Vinyasa or Bikram or Integral
-become a certified openwater diver
-take a vegetarian cooking course
-learn how to ride the bike! (I prefer this to fossil fuel-run vehicles, thank you very much)
-be accepted into, and attend, a writing workshop (preferably the Siliman one!)
-take a summer course in Cambridge/Oxford (and go rowing, natch!)
-read (and FINISH!) James Joyce's Ulysses, among other books...but this one is numero uno
-take a 6-month "sabbatical," backpacking across England or India--preferably ALONE, or with a trusted, bosom-friend
-get a grasp of the French and German language (if only 'til the level of my current Spanish!)
-(maybe) become fluent in Spanish and Mandarin
-have my own flat, my own plants, my own animal companion (if ever!), in as much a plant-based environment as possible--food, cleaning agents, furniture, and all that jazz (and yes, I want the solar panels, the rainwater barrel...), getting to decorate it myself--or have a say on how it would go, and being a part of its creation, at least!
-(try to) have twins--preferably with matrimony
-(maybe) open a vegetarian restaurant/holistic center (with partners?)
-(maybe) re-take ballet (thunder thighs be damned!)
-(maybe) learn the art of SLR film cameras
-(maybe) get a tattoo
-re-take art lessons (never went into this seriously)
-re-take voice lessons-->DONE
-pledge to have my organs donated
-make sure my body is burned and my ashes thrown from atop a mountain facing the sea (how oh so melodramatic)

In pursuit of these, I'm going back to yoga on Thursday--and hopefully yoga-boy, though he's a side-benefit: Bikram yoga feels so cleansing and calming, ohmyGOD. Then I'll be going back to my voice "roots" as well. Truth be told, back in Senior Year High School, I was thinking of applying to UP College of Music. However, I was held back by what my Dad had said: that "to make it in the music scene, you have to be really good." And I was afraid I wasn't, that there are too many other people better than me, that I wouldn't make money from it, making my college degree a waste, so I didn't. Then again, I don't know what taking an MA in LCS will bring me financially, either! Ah, well. Such financially-inept persons as I do exist in the world...!

But ever since I stopped singing for the Glee club back in High School, and taking Solfeggio with my quite-renowned violinist-conductor (he was a candidate for National Artist) grandfather(back when he was still in control of his somatic and cerebral qualities), it's always been an ache--ACGC practices being 'til 8-9 pm NOT helping! Besides, as much as most of us grandkids are musical, none of us never really took it as a passion. And I want to take that torch up. So I will: I'm going to (try to) take it up, and hey, why not? I've got the time :) As O-sensei said, one step at a time, to which I add, a discovery of my self, one step at a time. And right now, I just don't think PETA will allow me this "gradual self-discovery" that becoming a GA does.

For now, my decision stands, and this time, I truly feel it's right. Maybe this is what Oa (my Tita Lolita, who is my grandmother's cousin and best friend residing in Maryland, and who is a close friend too) meant when she asked if I had asked God what he had to say (?!). For now, though, we'll see where it goes. So Saturdays, it's Danny in the morning, then Lulu and Jonathan in the afternoon (Lit 251: Fiction, Lit 202: Theory and 201: Research, respectively). ALL 3, in one day.

GOD, I hope I survive grad school!

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