On Bleach and Bikram

Lately, I have been impossibly addicted to the anime series called Bleach. I have watched 13 episodes in 1 day out of sheer addiction. I love love love it. At the currently subbed episode which I've stopped at (because there hasn't been any more yet), Episode 120, the ending is still left hanging. I've downloaded both OVAs available for download, as well as all the music. Most people start young with anime, or at least, younger than my current age. I'm not into anime per se--not yet at least--but this particular one had me hooked from the start. And it still kinda boggles my mind why I'm so into it. I mean, I really am--even the music....I love the music, when I was never into J-Pop and would scoff at my cousin when she'd watch anime. I even loved the ending credits of the Sealed Sword Frenzy OVA, where the shinigami are in Western civilian attire, and Byakuya, in particular, came up in a horse-drawn carriage! Still oh so hot! Whut. Oh well: welcome to the club, I guess. But there has to be a hook in this somewhere; I mean, how'd I just get into it so deeply, just like that? When I think about it, though, it may have to do with the main theme of the story: the neverending battle between life and death. I like that. I remember getting so caught up in the battle to save Rukia, on the edge of my seat watching every battle. I also remember getting caught in the personal battles of Kuchiki Byakuya. I was hooked. The way I see it, Bleach reminds me that life is short, and transient, so live to my fullest, do everything I want when and while I can.

Then we come to Bikram yoga. I've only been doing it for about a year, but before Bleach came, it was my end all and be all. I wanted to live and breath it. I didn't want to think of a life without it, precisely why I desired so strongly to teach it: I also wanted others to live "fuller", healthier lives. I see walking a yogi path as self-realization. Echoing what I feel is Bleach's theme, I feel that I am so blessed to be able to follow my dream already.

As my departure for training is steadily approaching, however, I am filled with dread. I think it is also through my own fault: I've been pushed to start memorizing the dialog (particularly by T), but most particularly, build up my confidence (especially by F and seconded by H). With encouragement, I was able to practice reciting one -full- posture (Half Moon!) with F. After that, even with some helpful equipment (a mike!) at home, I've resisted, instead setting it aside in lieu of preparations like medicine, toiletries, medical insurance--things that are also important. But my Dad once said, "if preparing takes you longer to do the actual thing itself, then it's useless." Indeed that it what it has seemed to become. In truth, I am merely sidestepping from the matter at hand, which is truly to prepare to teach. I am scared shitless. Truly. This manifests physically in T, whom I "empowered" against my self to make me deathly afraid of him right now, so much so I don't even want to see him or talk to him. I hem and haw and make excuses, but that's what it boils down to. Now what to do about it. I can't make excuses forever. I can't be a perennial walking excuse. Damn me (as it's not good to damn God). It's Holy Week now, which should be a perfect time to start preparing for real, start memorizing seriously, dammit. There should be no excuses, nor is there time: I'm already leaving next week, after all.