Monday, April 09, 2007

This is It (Pancit)

Today's the day. I'm really leaving; no kidding. Who am I trying to convince, though: myself or the ones around me? Maybe both.

The past month, give or take, has seen me dissolve into a bundle of nerves, frayed enough this past week to have back pain, constant body cramps, loss of appetite but flatulence, nonetheless, acne, fatigue, and God knows what else--this is what I can remember. I've been so nervous, so afraid, despite being asked, "What is there to be afraid of?" and being unable to give a coherent reply. Fear's just...there, a ready companion, to warp my reasoning and judgment, to wrap its tendrils and squeeze all pleasure, all serenity out of me. I've been afraid of so many things for so long. And more often than not, I still am.

But last night, a small light of excitement has found its way, tried to beam up out of the dark knot of fear. Fear has not been quashed, but hope has found a way in. And that's always a good thing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm a new reader who found your blog while Googling all things "Bikram". I hope to attend training in the Fall and wanted to say Good luck! You'll be great! I'm very interested what to bring, so if you wouldn't mind posting your packing list when you get a chance, I'd appreciate it. Again, best wishes and I can't wait to read about your experiences in Hawaii. Safe travels!