Had a (Bikram) yoga class this morning. I like it in the morning because I feel more energized: I am likelier to see "black" in the evening, hence I prefer morning sessions. Anyway, so yesterday, my teacher, F, was advised by another teacher-friend, T, that I'm very keen on taking teacher training. Then today, F pushed me, like, SUPER hard--in half-tortoise, and standing bow. OhmyGOD, I got so overwhelmed, so much so that I felt like crying: I didn't know what to do, and I felt so useless, and frustrated, and plain wrong, though weirdly, I also wanted to know how I could be better, but after feeling all the above!--F told me to take it easy, whoops. Afterwards, he corrected my postures again, especially standing bow, where he told me I was doing it ALL WRONG! :( That plus standing head to knee, where he said my raised knee MUST be perpendicular, while the other hip must remain down and its accompanying knee LOCKED. He said, "You have such a beautiful backbend; use it!" (for standing bow) Ack. I was hemming and hawing, then F admonished me, "You can't be like that in teacher training! You MUST build your strength; you're still too weak." Then I told T about it, and he said, "...You need to be tougher than many." Holy cow. Gottagottagotta.
Indeed. After he told F yesterday (that I'm keen on taking training), T kept on drilling into me, "You HAVE to be sure; it's a vocation!" And I understand that. I totally ascribe to what I know of the yogi philosophy, though I think I have to increase my awareness, so I'm reading B.K. Iyengar's Tree of Yoga. I'm thinking Bikram yoga is the way to go. F said something today, that "...people who attend Bikram yoga are also those who need it: that tough stance, etc." (after I remarked that his class is like bootcamp, but in a good, "challenge you 'til you croak" way) Perhaps he's right--though as to what dimension I need it, or he needs it, and how others need it, only our innermost beings can answer to.