The Path Next Taken

Apart from hormones (it's no joke on the 1st day of the Crimson Eddy), I guess I reacted the way I did to my parents because I felt (rather irrationally) that they wanted me to give up my dreams. But as I reflected, that wasn't the case. Plus there are more than the "tried-and-true" jobs to earn a living (blue chip trading not included!)

A friend encouraged me to try bookshops, and I wanted to bop myself: why didn't I think of this before! So I tried that--as well as an inquiry into freelance writing. I also inquired on vegan baking courses, or similar courses, as long as they're animal product-free. Then Mom, who was cold to me the whole morning ('coz I withdrew from them and was stony in front of them and crying behind their backs--I'm just not comfortable with revealing my own emotions, confrontational-wise), when I told her that I'm trying for these jobs and looking for workshops/classes, she encouraged me, then told me, "You know, Ta, we're not telling you to give up your dream. We just want you to do something productive besides staying here all day!" She then said to look into writing workshops, or even art classes, as long as I learn something.

So here I am, still looking, but also still staying home. I guess I've just been too ensconced in my safe haven, in the secure and comfortable. But I can't do it forever, I know: I need to get out there sooner or later. And in doing so, I might find out that my dreams may change, as well--and it has to be a risk I'll take.

For now, though, it's to be a Holistic/Natural Vegan Chef and a Bikram yoga teacher. I've always ascribed to the alternative, organic lifestyle, preferring to heal naturally rather than chemically. One friend pointed out that the market for the above job aims may not be as high as say in the US. But I think it'll work out fine here. I believe in this natural ideology, and that already paves half of the way for success. Things I was told to look into: colloidal silver and bentonite clay and how to depilate short hair, darn it. But I digress.

Why be a Natural Chef? I believe that what we put in our bodies must be beneficial to us and not detrimental. In this light, I want to prepare food that is nutritious but also delicious, and entirely plant-based, a lesser cruelty to the earth and her inhabitants. In connection to this, I also believe fitness must be both of mind and body. I have only achieved this inner peace but self-awareness at the same time from yoga. Then in light of my desire to be certified in teaching Bikram yoga, my teacher F barked at me, "Yoga has to be your boyfriend! Yoga is forever!" At my startled look, he demanded, "Why; did you think otherwise?" And only then did I remember, and realize he's right. Because I still have a LOT to learn. Teacher-friend T is right also in that I haven't committed to one practice and I am already eager to try others. I should focus on one above anything else, and Bikram yoga, in its spartan simplicity, seems perfect to me. As F had said before, he believes that we each have reason to be in Bikram yoga. And indeed, despite Bikram's only having 26 poses/asanas, it is a lifelong lesson: each day having a different lesson, a different and new adventure. In certainty there is uncertainty, a living in the present ONLY, as opposed to most Western planning for the future, etc. A different day's practice can be better or worse. But always, always, do it RIGHT: this is what I am re-learning now. "You are too flexible; you need to build your strength," F tells me constantly. And indeed it is true: leave our egos outside the door. Enter with an open mind, an open heart. Leave all expectations outside. And along this, be prepared for a drill sergeant-like teaching. Some may hate it, but I love it: I love Bikram yoga's unyielding demand on its students, but in reality, just students' desires voicing themselves, their need to be pushed, concretized through Bikram yoga. That plus as much as there is mystery in the everyday practice, there is certainty: certainty in the 26 asanas, but certainty also in the proper alignment and execution of the asanas, and doing them only so far as they are correct. Egos outside the door, indeed.

Thus a healing from within to out. I'm into this because I believe in it. I hope it works out for me, and others will believe in it, me, as well. For now, I keep my fingers crossed, and hope all will go well. But as much as this is so, I will wait and see where the wind blows. May it be towards my favor.