Monday, May 12, 2008

Spazzing Up A Storm

Been having weird, weird dreams lately. What more the ones I can't remember? And holy crap, they felt so real, too.

1) I dreamt I lost a pillow. The pillow. I left it someplace and was careless. And I needed that pillow. And had no way of getting it back for some reason. Holy crap.

2) I was in Shangri-La Mall with my parents, the top floor, and for some reason we were seated, when who do I see coming but Jem. In bermuda-like khaki shorts and a striped shirt. Bounding up to me, then hugging me, and my parents cool with it. Wow.

3) this guy in the studio who comes up with scissors and says what a great job the desk person (he meant Mauri, for some reason in my dream) was doing, and then how he wanted to personally thank her. But she wasn't there, then he had this crazy gleam in his eyes, and I went under the table to avoid him?! then him coming to me regardless with said scissors to cut something--maybe some hair--from me. Creepy.

So yeah. Not only that but Dad says I gained weight, like MASSIVE amounts. I checked the scale and it's the same. So wtf? It's depressing and discouraging to hear day in and day out, to say the least. So my bra size went up one notch. Maybe my shoulders got a bit bigger carrying groceries. Heck if I know! And yes, I went low-carb. But others have been telling me how much better I look. Well now my Dad has cast the shadow of doubt upon that. Crap now I feel huge. :( I know I should do more cardio, but...! Give me time. I'm trying. And he says I eat too much. Well, maybe compared to a 49-year old diabetic, and to someone whose food is always cooked for him, and prepared to his liking, whenever he wants it. Well maybe YEAH. And when I would hardly eat when I was in high school just because, he told me I was too thin, if I had a problem, that I was weird and needed to eat normal. Oh-KAY. I do want to lose weight, don't get me wrong, but dude, don't be so discouraging and rub it in my face at the same time. And I will eat when I want to, and what I want, especially 'coz I'm, I don't know, on VACATION???

Going to Donsol this weekend. I am so excited. I've always wanted to see the whale sharks, but I never really thought I would go and do it, yet here I am. I also never thought I'd learn how to surf, then I found myself asking my cousin to bring me along for a lesson. And I did. I *almost* stood up: I just need to center myself, is all. I want to do it again. Dang. These are things I seriously thought I'd never do. Next, who knows: maybe ask Jess about skiing, something I never thought I'd want to try again, but maybe never say never. It seems the curious and fearless part of my spirit is slowly awakening. For my lolo's 40th death-day, I was asked to sing--then speak about him after. And I did. The singing was a bit wobbly, but the speaking part went smoothly, even pretty well, if I may say so. And I never would have done it if I haven't been speaking in front of sometimes 70+ people for 90 minutes for what, 8 months now. So maybe because of the yoga? I guess Bikram yoga is truly miraculous, and works on what needs to be worked on. And so it is. Of course, it does help to have had some measure of independence, as well as fine people backing me up along the way. :)

Finally got Neverwinter Nights 2 to work--on my dad's computer, oh well. Heh. That's fine. It takes time and effort to play a game; I've forgotten how much. Wow. Best to catch up on reading, and hopefully this weekend, deepen my tan ;) Oh and haircut tomorrow: we'll see how that goes. Then to teach Wednesday: I should only hope for the best. Now to eat, nap or read? That is the question.

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