Saturday, June 02, 2007
Week 7, Represent!
So it's Week 7, soon to be Week 8: should I whoop or should I wail? But going back, I had my birthday the weekend of Week 5. It was great: I was the only one who had a birthday that day, and Rajashree read my name for everyone to sing happy birthday to--imagine 300+ people singing for you. It's a compendium of all the missed birthdays I had in school (my birthday would always be during summer vacation): so worth it. Then my parents also came over during the Thursday of Week 5, and the weekend when I was to practice Trikanasana! Of course I didn't practice it while I was with them. So I had to struggle to catch up with postures in week 6. But it was so great having them here, yet emotionally wrenching, too--seeing them arrive, and seeing them leave: it's tough. And partly because of that, or maybe mainly(!), Week 6 was THE rough week for me. The Monday of Week 6, after crying through class, losing control of my breath, then having to leave the room to use the loo FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME (I never leave the room!), I went up to discover my laundry that I had put in before class GONE. Hoo boy. So I cried some more. I told Mom and Dad, and they were so supportive, even buying me extra clothes! Plus this time away from them, I think it's made us value each other more; I actually, truly hugged my Dad for the first time, without reservation, when they visited. Plus I'm a bit more open to them now, revealing my emotions, my frantic side, that they never really see. Ok, I'm tearing again now (must be the yoga!), but Bikram's right: this teacher training will make us new persons, at the same time value our relationships especially with our families more. So Week 6 was tough: by losing that weekend intended for Triangle, etc. to time with my parents, I was constantly completely exhausted, plus lagging behind dialog to being one of the last to say it, really struggling to do it--well, of course: my inner super-critic wouldn't even let me try otherwise. So the weekend to Week 7, I decided to take it easy. Didn't go beyond errands, then went to the supermarket with a groupmate. On my way back, an odd thing happened: as I was passing our floor's laundry room, lo and behold, my missing clothes were there. Oh my God! What good fortune! Thank you, Lord! Then I had my first dinner with groupmates, and that was fun, having a first gossip session, as well! Girl power! Sunday, I took my hopefully last make-up class, then afterwards took my first nap for this entire training so far. An uncle and aunt just arrived from abroad so they took me under their wing for Sunday afternoon. Went to mass, too: Mom would be so relieved. So Week 7 rolled in better. Then Bikram started lecturing again for three nights, and those nights have been taking their toll. Dialog recitation has also been speeding up, and I've still been going up last...that is, until the climax of Cobra Pose. Everyone was required to do it and finish it by that afternoon. AND I WASN'T READY, at all. I wasn't able to do my memorization technique that day, so I was completely unprepared. Obvious or not, I hate being unprepared. I am Ms. Control Freak: I have to have at least something to hold on to. And this time, I was called to the bat. I was so scared and frantic I cried. But I had no choice. So I did it, and expectedly, my dialog was nowhere near perfect, but I did it. Our teacher-facilitator Joel from Philadelphia was especially great. He even corrected our postures hands-on and told us why it's wrong and how to correct ourselves. But after I delivered Cobra as best as I could, he told me I have good projection, so now I just have to practice the dialog and believe in myself. Ever since then, that sheer fear of ill-preparedness drove me to recite sooner, do what it takes! The next day, I went up during the middle, and Lynn Whitlow was our facilitator. She's great; I pray I can mentor with her when training is over. She told me to get loud, get crazy! But that's just hard. The night after, I delivered Dhanurasana, and I just freaked. Fred, the French facilitator told me, "Get out of your head; ask others for feedback then build on that." That inner critic which prevents me from even trying is kicking and screaming under a straitjacket. But I have to let it go, and say it with confidence. Today is now the close of Week 7. That's two weeks left to graduation (God-willing) and one week to sing in Talent Quest (of which I don't know why I signed up for)! Craig's teaching tomorrow, so gotta rest the quadriceps, yikes! Visiting teachers have especially given us better practices, and there are more coming. I still have the weekly stuff to do--groceries, laundry and whatnot, but I also finally said uncle and booked a massage: Lord knows I need it--tight hamstrings, shoulders and back. I'm also hoping to relax a bit and watch more Miyazaki. Though we've had one classmate, Denise, go home due to serious kidney disease, dialog-wise, we're at Half-Tortoise Pose, almost done! Hopefully all we can go to is up.