In Between Trips

Oh hey, Pavarotti's dead.

And heh, wonder if this is true:
Take it here.

Anyway.

Got back last night. Didn't get to sleep 'til 5 this morning, woke up near 1 pm. Heh; having been reading Philip Pullman's "The Amber Spyglass" didn't help, either ;)

Went to Frankfurt and Munich in Germany, then Florence in Italy, and Athens and Kea in Greece. Lots of pictures. Tried to curb the shopping. But of course, bought stuff.

First destination: Frankfurt. Went to the Messe with my parents for the first time. Saw the set-up. Halle 9. Interesting. Went to stores, saw sales. Discovered Uli Knecht, and got a paisley George Gina & Lucy bag. S goes nuts over Louis Vuitton, and World of Music in Karstadt. Introduced her to Douglas Parfumerie, where she bought some Benefit stuff. Celebrated S's birthday at Rama V, an excellent Thai restaurant.

Took the ICE train to Munich, but got on the wrong wagon. Got to our seats at the last stop before Munich, to enjoy it for 30 minutes (out of 3 hours). Before that, it was one mad rush. Dad blamed me, saying I was a twit and should know better. Needless to say I was very upset, and S said later on that she did not quite know what to do with herself, aside from having motion sickness from the constant moving about.

In Munich, we met up with my German "big sis" who surprised our mutual friends at their new store location in Karlsplatz by bringing us along. Went back to the Basic bio super-store in Isartor and bought my beloved Amaranth schoko-müsli, as well as a gorgeous, multi-toned schal. At nearby Cosi Bazar, found-and bought-HUGE rings that fit my slim fingers, at reasonable prices. Tolle! Showed S Marienplatz--the Glockenspiel, the Viktualienmarkt (where I bought some Bärlauch and she some honey hand creme), St. Peter's Church, Elly Seidl (where we both bought fresh, handmade chocolates!) Dallmayr (where she bought coffee beans), Funf Höfe, and the Residenz (the latter new for me, as well); brought her to Linderhof and Oberammergau, then after a horrible tourist lunch, took the arduous climb up Neuchwanstein and Mary's Bridge, coming back to Munich exhausted. Remembered the bahn  routes. Remembered my scant German.
I love Munich.

The train ride back, we were early, and got on the right wagon. Was able to read more of Philip Pullman's "The Subtle Knife" while S dozed.

In Frankfurt, rushed to the hotel then to the Messe to meet up with the parents--and see the fair on its last day. Manila FAME doesn't even come close.

Next day, left for Florence. Ate at 13 Gobbi for lunch. Yum, yum. My parents come to Florence to shop and to eat, and this time brought us along to their haunts and introduce us to their sukis: Farmacia Mustermann, the Erboristeria Spezieria Palazzo Vecchio, the enoteca they frequent, the piazza and Sta. Maria Novella--both scenes in the movie Hannibal(!), the department store La Rinascente (where we were able to get La Perla cheap!), Giotti--the original Bottega Veneta, Prada, Pucci, Armani (where S got sonnenbrille), Gucci (where Dad got shoes), Angela Caputi (where Mom and I got beautiful shawls on saldi!) and Etro, my favorite--the pattern on pattern, as Dad describes it (where I got a shawl, sonnenbrille, a shirt on saldi and a travel bag). Went to rub the pig (Il Porcellino) for good luck, as well. Consulted a map and a Louis Vuitton salesman's directions to Vivoli in a previously-unexplored part of town, but alas, the shop was closed for the summer. Ate gelato at another gelateria anyway. Molto bene.

That night found S struggling to pack everything she'd bought. Mom sends Dad to the rescue and we sleep at 3:30, only to wake up at 6:45, very late, to leave at 7 to catch the plane to Munich at 8:55 (to connect to Athens from there)! Andiamo! Nonetheless, we make it and I doze on the plane.

We meet Anthony (real name Adonis) in Athens in the afternoon. He had been waiting as per his wife Sofia's instructions since before noon. As we speed to the port in his car--our parents in a taxi as we with all our luggage simply wouldn't fit into his tiny car--he tells us about the fires that ravaged Greece, saying the damage would take 15 years or more to undo. Neither was this catastrophe of natural causes, he said. As to why, he said maybe terrorism.

We rode on a ship to Kea, car and all (what we call ro-ro in Manila). Boat rides and I never get along, so when we got off the ship, it took all I had not to throw up. The winding road to their vacation home didn't help, either. Nonetheless, I survived. Anthony said, "Don't do anything; relax!" Had to help him; he had a bad back; besides, if I didn't move the luggage, he would have a hard time backing out of the driveway. Met their Indonesian housekeeper Sofina, who cooked delectable meals throughout our stay, even cooking vegetarian for me! Every meal was a celebration, every meal a feast, every dish a delicacy. The olives, the marmalade with crunchy sugar, figs plucked fresh from the tree, cherry conserve, sheep cheese, homemade crepes, orange-bread, peppers (or as Anthony calls them, pepperoni), and yes, I ate fresh lobster to respect our hosts, but what lobster, so sweet and juicy..! Our hosts' son Kristos even taught me how to eat it ;)

And the beaches--nothing to rival Boracay, for sure, but the Aegean waters are cool, the waves none too strong...and no-one cares whether you go in with a 1-suit, a bikini, or nothing at all. Still, compared to our small-boned hosts, I was huge, or at least felt it...which needlessly bothered and frustrated me to no end.

We went back to Athens with skin tanned (not sure about S) and bellies full. And it was a different Athens from the Athens I saw 10 years ago. Athens is so much more developed and progressive now. The night we arrived, I was too tired to do anything else but sleep. The next day, however, we went to our hosts' office (Le Shop) and there Mom and Dad were shown ideas for expanding the business. Then we took the train--Anthony showed us how--to the Akropoli, for S to see. But at high noon. Good Lord. Afterwards, we went to Plaka for some shopping and some late lunch and last-gelato(!), ending our day tour with a drink at the top of the hotel overlooking the Parthenon and the entire city.

In the airport, I followed Mom to a Greek specialty shop selling mastiha. Interesting. Should tell Anthony about it. Maybe he can tell me more. Because our hosts are incredibly proud to be Greek, telling us the root meanings of words, Greek lore, and so on. Incredibly fascinating. If we had more time in Greece, I would've wanted to learn the language--how to speak, how to read the words: in fact, I was already able to decipher a little already, but only a little.

In the airport, S had problems with her tax-free forms from Germany as she lost them, and had to check her wheeled hand luggage in. Luckily she was able to salvage her precious CDs (about 120+ out of the 130) and stuff them into her other one.

And now we're back. Back to the real world. Now I have to prepare for my next trip to Texas--not a vacation, but to work, and to get real. And lose the weight gained, imaginary or no.

Mom and Dad now ask about salary and all these things, but vague me hasn't really worried about that. Now pragmatic me is nudging me to learn the ropes of our business next year, and make yoga a side-business, a hobby, maybe like what P does in Makati. I worry, however: what if I need to give that up? I want yoga to be a permanent part of my life. However, there is the reality that it is an uncertain path to monetary success. And I do like my Etros and Lululemons once in a while, and maybe yogi/eco-friendly retreats in the future, with a nifty little spa somewhere near. Plus my Dad points out that my vegan, organic lifestyle isn't that cheap, either. On the other hand, there is the business, where my mother put the responsibility ruse real thick (and being an only child, I always fall for), which she says is something on whom only I am the only person left to run, in their stead. (And what if I fail?  But that is always my fear, which often sets me back: I can fail in yoga, in veganism, in going organic, in the business, but hopefully NOT.) Still, this is not an immediate need to be answered, thank goodness. I still have my apprenticeship in Houston next, and hopefully there, things will be answered, or at the very least, much clearer--the business, yoga, veganism, going organic: hopefully they will all be on the same path.

Back Home

I've been home four days now, and it feels familiar but...different, like an old suit that doesn't fit quite right anymore. A lot has happened while I wasn't here, just as a lot happened to me while I was away.

So I'm back home--in tropical Manila. My books and various leftover unpacked stuff are still on the couch and other various spaces in my room. Still jetlagged, still tired, in my jammies 'til noon, that sort of thing. But even as I'm here, I wistfully recall the heat (from 105-145 ºF++ or 41-63ºC++), the sweat (all 300++ people's) and yes, even the stinky cat-piss carpet; the ubiquitous ABC stores, the delicious Hawaiian papayas, eating grapefruit like an orange--for the first time(!), Starbucks' soy chai lattés, loads of Japanese products to my heart's content--especially yomogi/kusa (mugwort) mochi/daifuku (with recipes when I get ambitious or desperate enough), and fresh bubble teas--none of those icky powdered stuff! I miss Bikram's humor and unpredictability, being able to walk almost everywhere, and the friends I made along the way.

Taught my first class yesterday, but only with my studio director, as the other teacher had backed out. But he (my studio director) said that's ok. Had a lot of spaces in between my dialog: a 1 hour 50 minute class!, but again he said that's pretty normal (?); however, he said for me to continue studying the dialog. Now I know what teachers meant when they said that the dialog is my best friend; it really should be--it's the only stable thing to rely on! I will continue to do mock classes next week, and hopefully by the week after next, I will be teaching bigger classes. Huh; then I took class with him afterward: right now, my back and thighs hurt like hell, haha.

Made a new account on FaceBook to connect to my fellow yogis, so I'm considering deleting my Friendster and/or MySpace, 'coz I believe that one can only properly manage so many accounts. Been playing with my dogs--God, how I missed that! and noticed that I'm not as physically stern with them, but even with less effort, they already follow my command. I also noticed I'm more assertive outside (whut). This is so weird. Perhaps Bikram really is right: we go home completely different people. Maybe not completely, but pretty much! Then on FaceBook, today's Horoscope read as such: "You've made quite a bit of progress toward an important goal, but you're really tempted to slip back into old patterns. Don't start backsliding now." Mustn't backslide. Must will to continue developing, continue practicing, continue teaching. As they say, the real training starts after training. Someone said, "It's called yoga practice, not yoga perfect." Indeed, the dialog is my real companion now.

Yoga Camp Starts Now

It is the Sunday before graduation. Posture Clinic finished last Friday, with one best student from each group delivering the dialog. I did mine Thursday night, because Friday was Talent Night and I felt I wouldn't be able to focus on both. So I opted to do dialog Thursday night, amidst fatigue and a splitting headache. People were going up and winging it; I was looking at the dialog while the teacher was saying, "All you have to do is look at the bodies and you'll know what to do; it doesn't matter if you don't know the dialog verbatim, what matters is the courage to go up there and deliver it and tell them what to do!" I felt I had to do it; this was it. And I did; I was the last one for the night. I was saying it from the back corner, then she [the teacher] told me to jump up and down, shake my hands then say it. I did and my voice got stronger, faster. I hardly said the whole dialog, but most of the keywords were there, and most importantly, I taught it confidently. At least that's what my friends said. Besides, the teacher said so, too. But I was shaking when it was over; but I was told that's good?! Though I'm glad I did; then I was able to focus on Talent Night! Fast forwarding to Talent Night, I sang Cynthia Alexander's Emptyhanded, and until yesterday, people were coming up to me and saying how beautiful the words were, how sweet my voice was, and how brave I was to go up there So I say thank you; I am just so glad it affected them the way it did; singing to me is to evoke emotion, to touch others. And so I hope I can do the same with teaching, but of course with more energy--soon. Had CPR training after our Saturday class with Craig, and the infamous Awkward Contest (I went as far as a minute, but that was it). So exhausted, have no idea why, but after going to the group barbecue, the group love won me over. Went dancing last night, as well--something I normally do NOT do. Surprisingly, I loved it, I think mostly because most of us fellow yogis were there, dancing even if we didn't know how to dance, but just for the pure joy of it, of life. And that made it wonderful. Sunday of Week 9 is upon us, before graduation, before going home, before we take our tentative steps into the pool of Bikram Teacherhood: the calm before the bubble breaks into reality. I'm savoring it for now.

Emptyhanded by Cynthia Alexander --Tuning: CGCGCD

Why, why do you worry? We are not born nor do we die; What is happening happens for the best, what will happen happens for the best
We have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded
What have [you] lost that you are weeping; what have you found that you have lost? What have you built that has been broken? You have not anything
What you have, you got from here; what was given you, was given here; what you took, you took from here; what you gave, you gave unto here
We have come emptyhanded we will go emptyhanded, emptyhanded
Why, why toil for sorrow; and what have we to fear? What is happening happens for the best, what will happen happens for the best
We have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded
What you have, you got from here; what was given you, was given here; what you took, you took from here; what you gave, you gave unto here
We have come emptyhanded we will go emptyhanded; we have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded, we have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded
Emptyhanded, emptyhanded

Week 8.5 and counting

It's officially Thursday but we just finished Wednesday, so-called "the hump of the week"--the hump of week 8 to week 9, ohmygosh! Still have two postures to memorize by Friday, specifically Head to Knee with Stretching later today and Spine Twist by tomorrow. Then there's Talent Night on Friday. I was only given four (4) minutes, so I can only sing one (1) song. By consensus, it's to be Cynthia Alexander's Emptyhanded. Oh Lordy Lord; give me strength to finish the dialog well and to sing the song with finesse! As Joel Pierre from Philly says, "Practice, practice, practice!" Besides, Bikram says "negative thoughts are nine times more powerful than positive thoughts," so gotta crank up all that positivity!

Also met Ren Soriano, one of the guys from HQ, who turns out to be a fellow Flip! As in he spent his first 15 years in Manila and was born there; I even know where he went to school! Coolness. Anyway, only Joani Nuñez from Houston and Kat Kelly-Chung from Columbia have responded about mentoring, though I'd prefer the former as she is one of the more senior teachers. But Ren, after listening to me during camel, said, "She's too sweet, like sampaguita." During the break, he said he has to train me to be more bitchy. (Fred's term for BITCH= Being in Total Control of Herself; niiice) Then he [Ron] said, " But how will I train you if you won't be in LA?" If there's a spot in HQ to do whatever, or even if I have to moonlight preferably in a bookstore, YES I want to go! It's LA: I have family and friends; it should be doable! Nothing's solid yet, though: gotta talk to Ren more, hopefully at a haircut session this Sunday, a bit $ of course; he's supposed to be very good, having trained with a certain Jonathan. Heck I know. But if this will help networking, then why not? As Bikram says, "You have nothing to lose; you had nothing to begin with." Indeed.

1.5 weeks to go. Breaking out, tired, but with a little care and with our happy smiling faces, we should emerge as butterflies, albeit at the bottom of the Bikram Yoga Totem Pole, but who knows, in time, slowly coming to the top. As group 1 says, "Ganbatte!" We can do it! We have no choice. Isn't that great? :)

Week 7, Represent!

So it's Week 7, soon to be Week 8: should I whoop or should I wail? But going back, I had my birthday the weekend of Week 5. It was great: I was the only one who had a birthday that day, and Rajashree read my name for everyone to sing happy birthday to--imagine 300+ people singing for you. It's a compendium of all the missed birthdays I had in school (my birthday would always be during summer vacation): so worth it. Then my parents also came over during the Thursday of Week 5, and the weekend when I was to practice Trikanasana! Of course I didn't practice it while I was with them. So I had to struggle to catch up with postures in week 6. But it was so great having them here, yet emotionally wrenching, too--seeing them arrive, and seeing them leave: it's tough. And partly because of that, or maybe mainly(!), Week 6 was THE rough week for me. The Monday of Week 6, after crying through class, losing control of my breath, then having to leave the room to use the loo FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME (I never leave the room!), I went up to discover my laundry that I had put in before class GONE. Hoo boy. So I cried some more. I told Mom and Dad, and they were so supportive, even buying me extra clothes! Plus this time away from them, I think it's made us value each other more; I actually, truly hugged my Dad for the first time, without reservation, when they visited. Plus I'm a bit more open to them now, revealing my emotions, my frantic side, that they never really see. Ok, I'm tearing again now (must be the yoga!), but Bikram's right: this teacher training will make us new persons, at the same time value our relationships especially with our families more. So Week 6 was tough: by losing that weekend intended for Triangle, etc. to time with my parents, I was constantly completely exhausted, plus lagging behind dialog to being one of the last to say it, really struggling to do it--well, of course: my inner super-critic wouldn't even let me try otherwise. So the weekend to Week 7, I decided to take it easy. Didn't go beyond errands, then went to the supermarket with a groupmate. On my way back, an odd thing happened: as I was passing our floor's laundry room, lo and behold, my missing clothes were there. Oh my God! What good fortune! Thank you, Lord! Then I had my first dinner with groupmates, and that was fun, having a first gossip session, as well! Girl power! Sunday, I took my hopefully last make-up class, then afterwards took my first nap for this entire training so far. An uncle and aunt just arrived from abroad so they took me under their wing for Sunday afternoon. Went to mass, too: Mom would be so relieved. So Week 7 rolled in better. Then Bikram started lecturing again for three nights, and those nights have been taking their toll. Dialog recitation has also been speeding up, and I've still been going up last...that is, until the climax of Cobra Pose. Everyone was required to do it and finish it by that afternoon. AND I WASN'T READY, at all. I wasn't able to do my memorization technique that day, so I was completely unprepared. Obvious or not, I hate being unprepared. I am Ms. Control Freak: I have to have at least something to hold on to. And this time, I was called to the bat. I was so scared and frantic I cried. But I had no choice. So I did it, and expectedly, my dialog was nowhere near perfect, but I did it. Our teacher-facilitator Joel from Philadelphia was especially great. He even corrected our postures hands-on and told us why it's wrong and how to correct ourselves. But after I delivered Cobra as best as I could, he told me I have good projection, so now I just have to practice the dialog and believe in myself. Ever since then, that sheer fear of ill-preparedness drove me to recite sooner, do what it takes! The next day, I went up during the middle, and Lynn Whitlow was our facilitator. She's great; I pray I can mentor with her when training is over. She told me to get loud, get crazy! But that's just hard. The night after, I delivered Dhanurasana, and I just freaked. Fred, the French facilitator told me, "Get out of your head; ask others for feedback then build on that." That inner critic which prevents me from even trying is kicking and screaming under a straitjacket. But I have to let it go, and say it with confidence. Today is now the close of Week 7. That's two weeks left to graduation (God-willing) and one week to sing in Talent Quest (of which I don't know why I signed up for)! Craig's teaching tomorrow, so gotta rest the quadriceps, yikes! Visiting teachers have especially given us better practices, and there are more coming. I still have the weekly stuff to do--groceries, laundry and whatnot, but I also finally said uncle and booked a massage: Lord knows I need it--tight hamstrings, shoulders and back. I'm also hoping to relax a bit and watch more Miyazaki. Though we've had one classmate, Denise, go home due to serious kidney disease, dialog-wise, we're at Half-Tortoise Pose, almost done! Hopefully all we can go to is up.

Week 3

It's May 6 already, the end of the 3rd week, and 13 days to my birthday! Eek! Memorizing the dialog has been über difficult, but I think I'm just really afraid, so gotta work on that triple time, aside from another Anatomy test for tomorrow. Tried talking to visiting teachers more, but so far, I guess it's too early to say: they're non-committal (on possible help for employment). It's been difficult waking up in the morning, sometimes just being on pure auto-pilot, sometimes not knowing my name (proverbially). Training's been getting harder and harder. We're now being made to memorize the dialog more intensively, but it's been tough, what with living arrangements--even if we live just a few floors on top. And I've never lived on my own and had to fend for myself from almost scratch, laundry and food especially. Food's been basically pre-cooked cold food, usually tofu salads, seaweed, and marinated vegetables, or frozen microwave-ready food, with fresh fruit on the side, and peanut butter in a pinch. On a lighter note, I can basically eat whatever I want, and just that. I've discovered ACAï, a berry from the Amazon richer in antioxidants than blueberries by at least 10 times! It's so good, I have at least one smoothie of it every week at the mall. They even have sherbets, but I still like the fresh smoothies best. And GOJI berries, another powerful antioxidant. Then there's BUBBLE TEA: I know the best place that DOESN'T USE POWDER. Also discovered KEFIR, something like yogurt. When I drink it for breakfast with cereal, ZHOOM I go to the loo. It's more effective to me than yogurt and doesn't hurt my stomach lining. There's also a blue cheese I found at the supermarket made from raw unpasteurized milk. It's the best blue cheese I've ever had, something like cambozola but rawer, sharper, and NOT SO SMELLY. But laundry. OhmyGOD laundry. Just think of a room with 320 sweaty people, and a sweaty carpet, in 100+ ºF heat, twice a day, everyday, with 1.5-2 hours max break after to eat, bathe, do laundry (otherwise the clothes will get infested with bacteria--I learned the hard way) before lectures until 1 or 1:30 am, to wake up at 6:30 am of the same day. And then we have to figure out when we can study in between. That doesn't even cover our emotional states, our hang-ups, our fears, our high potential for illness, our issues and concerns. But I'm just trying to trust the process.

Luke, one of our teacher-trainers, says it so eloquently:

blessings overflow

i had a few thoughts from my experience with you this week.

connection and attachment are definitely
not the same thing.

words with no peace mean nothing. peace with no words leave you little recourse with which to share as a teacher. please learn your dialogue. please be as willing to let go of it as you are to hold on to it. only
with that willingness comes proficiency, and ultimately mastery.

learning is like a baby kitten in this way. you cannot hold it too tight, or you will squeeze the life out of it.

asana is the same thing. you have to let it happen as much as you make it happen.

life is a really long asana.

it does not take a strong person to hold on to the roots and branches at
the edge of the river to keep from falling in. it takes a strong person
to let go and be willing to risk drowning for the sake of moving with
the flow.

please be willing to be someone you never imagined.

when you become that person, even if it took all of your blood and sweat and
tears and vomit, be ready to let go of it and become someone else.

understand that if you become something, it was always there anyways.

if you realize something, it is the same.

facts are all around you. truth is all inside of you. it is what you are made of. you just have to admit it.

you see in the world what you be in the world.

excuses keep us from doing things. inspiration gives us permission to do them anyways.

please embrace that which challenges you the most, as it is also what offers you the most.

it takes serious work to have fun sometimes.

power and force are easily attained and noticed. they are also as easily
lost. both combined are nothing compared to the immeasurable,inconceivable possibility of energy. energy is as infinite as your ability to imagine it. it is also as lasting.

energy is not a thing you have. energy is a choice you make.

it is never too late, too old, too sick, to make that choice.

every second holds the possibility of choice, and therefore the possibility of the infinite nature of energy.

the present self is the most empowered, energized version of oneself. the
present self is not dominated by the patterns of the past, nor the
fears of the future. the present self may find lessons in the past, and
embrace the potential and space the future holds, while still abiding
in the bliss that is what is happening now.

the ablest teacher of presence we have is our breathing.

at 3 am, sleep can be pretty great. almost as great as the moon i forsake the sleeping for.

namaste...

Indeed. Namaste.

Coincidence or Fate?

There are 315 of us trainees. Among the multitude, I found a friend--who turned out to be Frank's student! Her name is Wancy. Then I practiced beside another of his students this morning--Natalie from White Rock? She in turn introduced me to two other students of his--Elena and Gena. OhmyGod, Frank, you brought us together.

Back from the book signing. What a circus. Waited for 4 hours. It's a good thing I had the good sense to eat beforehand--but not eat right: tomato florentine (with cheese-filled ravioli) soup, my beloved chai soy latté and a triple chocolate cookie. OhmyGoddelicious cookie, but I think it proved too much; that and 300+ people= headache. But finally got my books signed (might sell/give one away), my postcards sent, my (Aloha) sushi wish fulfilled, my chocolate & chai latté cravings fulfilled, my david+goliath fixation satisfied, and my Shirokiya curiosity appeased, which was also steps away from the Apple store, so that hit two birds with one stone! Even found the exact copy of Bhagavad Gita I was looking for! Now I am dreaming about a Tokidoki Le Sport Sac bag, but $$$$. Aiiyayay. Maybe for my birthday? Eek. But seriously, I think I should explore the mall beyond Barnes and Noble, haha, aside from a lunch with a family friend on Sunday, and the study session on Saturday for the Anatomy test on Monday.

Looking forward to the weekend!

Training: Weeks One and Two, So Far.

I have only taken a few pictures so far, but you can check them at this site: http://therizabella.multiply.com/photos/album/4

The first 2 days, I was quite homesick, but after talking to the staff teacher Kyoko, it felt good to get it out. Now, even with laundry-both washing (machines on every floor but a bit $) AND drying, food prep/management, living with a stranger, and what-have-you, or maybe moreso because of them, I'm getting better at keeping home away from my mind. It comes every now and then of course, but at this point, I think I can handle it.

Attire in Hawaii, as an FYI, is pretty casual. Long-sleeved polos are pretty rare, if seen at all; jeans are ok (Craig wears 'em), but Bikram says he hates them besides anything green 'coz they remind him of filthy American hippies. Outside, I still see people wearing jeans, and short-sleeved polos (more or Hawaiiana floral shirts); shorts and shirts are cool, too. And Crocs are like the biggest thing here, ohmyGOD everyone's wearing them, I kid you not.

Roomie and I were off to a bit of a cold-war start. We keep to our own respective space, even while in a bed together (king-sized; pillow-wall in between), and we're both neat and conscientious (I think), but there's that feeling of awkwardness and trying-not-to-step-on-each-other's-toes, you know? But lately, things have been looking up. And I hope that trend continues--in posture clinic and with my roomie, especially.

There's also been a sale here of Bikram merchandise, care of Barbara. She's nice, and we've become a bit close, wahaha. I call her Miss Barbara (Filipino sense of propriety?), and that endeared me to her.

Let's see: We had our first 1 yoga class with Bikram on April 16 in the evening. Most of us, myself included, dropped like flies. I swear. I soon realized I have to have a little sugar/fiber/healthy carb in my system before I go to class, preferably about half a banana an hour before. The next day April 17, class with Bikram again in the afternoon (morning class with Rajashree canceled because of a maintenance issue). April 18-25 we have been having doubles. The first morning with Rajashree, I ignored a twinge in my left ankle when I did toe stand. That night, in Bikram's class, it manifested itself starting with awkward pose, then garurasana, dandayamana janushirasana, and dandayamana dhanurasana. The next day, my other ankle started hurting as well. Tiger Balm has become my best friend, plus the clove smell does make me happy, too. Asked Luke about it, and he said just to do the postures as correctly and as much as I can, and what do you know, he's right, I'm getting better, slowly.

We've had Antonia, Craig, Bikram, Rajashree, Luke and Emmy as teachers so far. Antonia I didn't get much energy from, plus it seemed she was just throwing her voice out. Craig teaches a truly tough class. Bikram is a one-man show: an awesome guy so far. Rajashree's mystic healing love personified. Luke is surfer-cool, and then without us knowing it, is already pushing us to our limits. And Emmy is...Emmy is classy, elegant, gentle, but firm, the proverbial iron will within a silk glove. She's so cool.

As for posture clinic, it helped to see others going with similar issues I've been having. I finally plucked up the courage and delivered mine last Friday. Ever since I introduced myself, Bikram has commended me on my English and for posture clinic, he said it again. "You sure you not born here?" or something like that. I've made some friends, as well. It's the 2nd week, so that may change, but I am grateful to some who were open enough to practice the dialog with me. Plus seeing people recite it and reciting it with them from the back, eventually doing so from memory, as Craig told us to do (aside from doing it with bodies in sight and mind), as well as the if-they-can-do-it-so-can-I mentality helped a lot. I think I did pretty well. But thank God that's done; now to practice Pada-Hastasana and Backward Bend. With Ardha Chandrasana over and done with yesterday, postcards done, and this post underway, then laundry, dishes, food and sleep management and dealing with all kinds of people daily issues, I think I can finally move on to daily Anatomy review and Dialog momorization. Gotta do it soon! Book signing for Bikram's new book tonight, which means earlier night for us and more time to do stuff. I have every intent to use it. So signing off for now!

This is It (Pancit)

Today's the day. I'm really leaving; no kidding. Who am I trying to convince, though: myself or the ones around me? Maybe both.

The past month, give or take, has seen me dissolve into a bundle of nerves, frayed enough this past week to have back pain, constant body cramps, loss of appetite but flatulence, nonetheless, acne, fatigue, and God knows what else--this is what I can remember. I've been so nervous, so afraid, despite being asked, "What is there to be afraid of?" and being unable to give a coherent reply. Fear's just...there, a ready companion, to warp my reasoning and judgment, to wrap its tendrils and squeeze all pleasure, all serenity out of me. I've been afraid of so many things for so long. And more often than not, I still am.

But last night, a small light of excitement has found its way, tried to beam up out of the dark knot of fear. Fear has not been quashed, but hope has found a way in. And that's always a good thing.