Girl Becoming

I'm Still Here!

2011-08-19T10:22:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the long silence; the main reason for that is....drumroll.....I'm pregnant!

Right now I'm 15 weeks going on 16 this Sunday, and let me agree with most mothers when they say that there should a be a 3-month leave for the 1st trimester. SO TRUE! This pregnancy was actually a surprise, and just when was getting fit, drinking my green smoothies, getting into my nutrition program, I got LASIK, and noticed while I was recovering that I was...more tired than usual and craved more meat. We took one of those home pregnancy tests, and it had a plus, but I was dubious and in denial. J wisely suggested I go to the doctor, and yep, he confirmed that I was banged up, had a bun in the oven, PREGGO.

It honestly took me a while to deal with this, add to that bone-weary fatigue and a real sensitive nose and stomach, plus my family has a different birth vision than ours. Theirs is the hospital model, whereas I want a home birth and a midwife; and J even wants a birthing pool! Both sides think theirs is the safer choice, so what to do? Eventually, we have settled into a truce of sorts. They don't want to hear much about it, but J's parents are pretty receptive, and we will be looking at a back-up hospital, just in case. Also, in doing my research, I realized that there's not really a bunch of nutrition information for moms, and I think this is so crucial! Hmm, my target market after school, perhaps?!

In the midst of all this, I was sleeping, resting....and not doing much else(!), so I got waaaaaay behind in my studies. There was a test looming, and I was so scared I wouldn't do it: I was ready to call the school and ask to be put at a later class, but classmates told me that meant starting over! Starting over?! That put me in high study-gear, with room for not much else, including my favorite mind-clearer and stress-reliever, exercise! The test opened up last week, and we also did last-minute plans (hair and make-up, music, food tasting, etc) for our wedding renewal for J's side of the world, followed by a flurry of emails on our return home. Talk about busy, and may I say accomplished! I crammed the last two modules yesterday as I felt that was the only way to get everything done in time for the test, reassuring my methodical brain that I will go back to them later....and eating horribly in the process :( So I took the test....and passed with a 90/100! Lesson learned: don't fall behind! Limit Internet time! At J's suggestion, I took the rest of the day off, but not really: I did wedding welcome paper bags to be productive and creative, which was nice: stamping and heat-embossing: it's been too long since I last did those! I was too pooped to clean up, though, so I did that this morning. Now, I'm refreshed to do more!

So...studies, and wedding plans, and exercise, which has been in the back burner, yikes! Time to get moving again: my body will thank me! Yes, I have a little belly now, but must tone that with exercise! So much to do and think about, but as we are taught in marketing class at IIN, one step at a time.

Here are some snapshots of what I did last night for the lucky people staying at the Holiday Inn for the wedding weekend! We've got other things up our sleeves, too: stay tuned! 22 days to the wedding #3: the countdown has begun!

Not My Best Day

2011-06-07T13:49:00.008-05:00

So I had LASIK last Friday, and til this Saturday, I can't work out. So that means more time for me to study, right? And am I studying? Nooooo. Today is Day 4, post-op for LASIK and I was supposed to go see my optometrist...note the verb "was." Problem is, when I tried to start my car, it.wouldn't.start. Plus when I entered my car, it was COOL. In the heat of summer. What in blazes is going on? Needless to say, I have not been a happy camper ever since, kinda sulking my way through the day after freaking out. A friend said I could call my car insurance's 24-hour whatever service, and my husband said I could call a cab to get to the doctor's or get my car jumpstarted to get to the mechanic, but that just all seems so STRESSFUL and uncertain. Good thing this all happened in our backyard/parking lot. Aaaargh.

And yesterday, I was obsessing over my online name that would go with my planned logos through a brilliant student designer: Therese Totten or Trissa Totten? I went from one to the other CONSTANTLY, the WHOLE day. I even looked at this name site to figure out what name was more me, and yet they're BOTH me. So I went with Therese: more formal, more known. I'll figure out Trissa later. And I registered that online address, just in case.

So with that yesterday and now my car not starting today, it has been a crappy, sulky week. The weather even agrees: it's been raining on and off since Sunday: good for the plants, crappy for my mood and industriousness. I usually eat at times likes these, and I admit I did, but I can do something else not as damaging to my waistline (but to my wallet instead, ulp): online shopping: but they were admittedly on my wishlist already, anyway, so there. I still couldn't work, so I figured on journaling, hence why I am here. Plus my flow hasn't dropped: I am way overdue: maybe because of all the stress? I dunno, but the fact that it's still waiting hasn't helped.

And let me tell you, those drops I have to use on my eyes? I have 3-4: Durezol (steroidal/anti-inflammatory), Zymaxid (antibiotic), and Optive/Optive Refresh (artificial tears). They ALL give me these weird bitter aftertastes at the back of my throat, not to mention a ton of eye gunk on my lashes and around my eyes! I was hoping to tell my doctor that today, but oh well. I just hope that these drops will be worth it, and I'm doing it all right, and my corneas will behave, and won't revert (like my cousin's did, yikes).

So what to do now? Continue being lazy and maybe pop a video in, or try and work coz that's what I'm home for, dammit? This writing/unloading exercise is making me feel a bit less bottled up/stressed, at least, so we'll see.

Still Kickin'

2011-06-05T21:29:00.005-05:00

Hello, everyone!

It has been a while, hasn't it? Well, a lot has transpired, and as you all know, life can keep us from living full out, sometimes, ironic as that may seem. On February 14, I enrolled in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, a year-long course to be a holistic health coach. Since this is me, I also went ahead and enrolled in other programs to "beef up" my resume/"marketability." As the health coach classes progressed, I got less and less involved (and admittedly quite resentful) of my school job, so I quit, in time for LASIK surgery this past Friday. I am currently recovering (and should thus get off this computer soon!), but as of Saturday, my optometrist told me I have 20-20 vision, praise God! I hope my corneas stay behaved and don't revert. As for people saying it is painless, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. There is some pain and especially light-sensitivity the 1st 2 days. And as for working the day after? Don't do it: I recommend working (if you must) at the very earliest on the 2nd day after surgery, e.g. if you had LASIK Friday, work minimally on Sunday, and keep your eyes as protected and hydrated as possible.

So I'm studying a lot, including working on having a logo for my health coaching, as well as recovering from LASIK, and planning for wedding # 3 with J, who, thank goodness, chose the pictures from wedding #2 for the wedding album: it stressed out my OCD-perfectionist mind too much. We're also still working on our thank you cards for wedding #2 (Manila). Not fun and quite tedious, actually, but gratefulness must be practiced.

J has been hard at work planting what little land he could use from the neighbor, as we don't have our own house and yard yet. In the process, he made a friend out of our neighbor's 10-year old son, which was sweet to see. He also made a solar oven, and wine from a kit-- a nice young Bergemais red, as well as strawberry wine. He canned tomato sauce today. What a guy.

Hopefully when wedding #3 is done and I'm more settled with my various programs we'll start looking at houses again, and I may even set up "shop" as a health coach in training :) I plan on specializing in women's health, specifically skin and digestive issues, and possibly hormonal issues, as well. We are doing our best living and loving in the process.

I have a favor to ask: Can y'all help me with my brand-spankin' new business name? I already have "Happy Healthy Life Now" set aside, but I am also debating between using "Therese Totten" or "Trissa Totten." Therese is my formal name, but I grew up with Trissa. I thought to grow out of it as I got older, but I find myself returning to it now: it feels like returning to my roots, my Self. I am really leaning toward Trissa. Someone I admire told me to stick to my gut feel, my individuality, and yet a classmate is telling me to stay formal in business. So now I am conflicted. Help, please!

In any case, be happy, be healthy, and be well.

A Long Hiatus

2011-02-12T13:28:00.002-06:00

...it has been. Sorry about that. The church wedding in Manila took a lot out of J and me, and I believe we've just really caught up now, and also digested everything. It was a beautiful ceremony, and an even more exquisite (don't you love that word?) experience. But we were super tired after. The adrenaline high, and the extreme crash after, I think more me than Jess. So we're back. And we will update soon. At the moment, I am also stamping/personalizing thank you cards, 155 and counting...yay, 52 left, unless we want to make more :/ I even stamped at a Superbowl party!...then again, my social powers fail at such occasions, so it was a win-win situation. I wonder why I'm doing it the hard way, when most people just buy the darn thing, and the recipients usually take one look, coo then dump my worked-on card. But this is what I wanted to do from the start: more personal, more crafty, even if some people might think we're too poor to buy cards when that isn't it. Oh well. Such is a crafter's struggle. In any case, stay tuned!

Our Christmas List

2010-12-19T15:03:00.009-06:00

1. A good immersion blender for Jess

2. Affordable food dehydrator (I've wanted one since I tried being raw vegan in college but that kinda failed; I was vegan for a while, though, until I got to Houston, heh); I'm told this one is the best of the best.

3. Paperback versions of Griftopia, Eaarth, Eating Animals by JSF, MB's Complete Dehydrator Cookbook...and maybe Sweet Valley Confidential, just because I read Sweet Valley when I was younger :)

4. Maybe BRTC Jasmine Cream

5. Solar oven, worm bin, composting toilets, clothesline, rain barrel/drip system for the garden (Hello, Transition Houston!)

6. Australorp chickens (as well as chicken-related keeping gear) for when we get our house, and I'm still hoping Jelly Bean will still be up for adoption by the time we get a house.

Speaking of, we made an offer on a house not far from here and got the executed contract; now to hope and pray all the inspections go well!

7. Metal lawn stuff like roosters and flying pigs from the cute Mexican furniture and pottery store beside the gym we go to

8. Fresh Movie and stuff by Juliette De Bairacli-Levy

9. Stuff from Anthropologie, Paper Source, Etsy, Lululemon and Lucky Brand are always welcome

10. iPad 64 GB 3G+Wi-Fi, and maybe a Clamcase?

11. Yoga at places near us (now to go). We did some yoga today using a pass we got for free at Lululemon, so that was cool. Might think of some Vinyasa or Zumba or Hooping classes in the future.

Busy, busy: getting ready for my parents' visit in 4 days, so WHOA! Also been to the allergologist, who gave us all sorts of meds, and hey, turns out my childhood asthma's back :/ And I think I caught something from one of my kids as I'm hacking stuff up right now.

I should watch some Glee or Gray's Anatomy on Hulu to destress. Or continue being productive, heh.

6 days to Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. Here's to a good end to 2010 and an even better 2011. To what it holds, we don't know yet, but hopefully it will be good.

Hopes and Dreams

2010-11-25T10:31:00.022-06:00

I recently read this book by Jenna Woginrich, and she is my new hero. She recently wrote about writing your goals and dreams, so here goes.

I am tired of work sometimes that doesn't seem to go anywhere. I toil everyday and everyday it is the same. Maybe it is the stress and the mental fatigue, but I am exhausted and sick more often than I or my husband like. And that tells us that something's wrong. It makes me think of wanting to escape and do something else. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate my present jobs--I love being around my students! But I feel no matter what I do, the situation doesn't change. And I don't know about other people, but that fruitlessness is something that I can't deal with forever. I question my goal of being a teacher because of it: the system, I feel, is harming rather than helping, and that I cannot deal with, nor stomach. But I have to: it is my job, and it is slowly killing my spirit.

So before I lose my pluck and put my head down again, I will say my intention. I want a homestead of our own, with a dog, a cat, chickens, pygmy goats, vegetable and fruit plants, and maybe Angora rabbits, pigs and bees someday. I want to learn how to make butter, cheese, bread, soap and candles, as well as have homemade kombucha; live as off the grid or independently as possible. I want to learn how to play my Strumstick, and play it well. I want to learn how to knit and sew, to make socks and sweaters and beanies for my husband, and make dresses for myself. I want to make cards and paper products (with my rubber stamps and letter press) to supplement the farm, then sell this with our extra eggs and dairy, maybe some candles and soap, and maybe even fruits and vegetables and honey, as well as the occasional knitted product in a farmer's market. Then maybe we can even talk about children, if our bodies are blessed to have them: milky-coffee skin with brown or hazel eyes and black hair, and happy, inquisitive spirits who fear nothing and welcome everything.

And even as I want to eke out a farm existence, I still like to shop, or at least look. But if I can make it myself, then that's what I prefer. I am still a girl who likes shops and working out in a gym, as well as getting a good haircut and color, and the occasional pedicure and massage, but the crowded, expensive city with no room to homestead is beginning to frustrate me and lose its charm on me.

For now, I want this dog. Her name is Jelly Bean. She is a 6-month old rescue dog. Our friend Lisa told us about her. I sent in my application to have her, but I guess I heard wrong about our landlord being ok with dogs; I am still trying to persuade him to think otherwise. I hope I will be successful. Latest update: I'd like to meet this kitty, too. His name is Kai, and hopefully my husband won't be allergic to him, otherwise we have to look at this breeder who charges $600 per kitty. So yeah, methinks rescue animals are still best, costs included!

Let's start with Jelly Bean, and hope my husband and I can get out and hopefully find satisfaction, as well as our place in the sun.

Married Life Post 1

2010-09-10T22:44:00.001-05:00

So Jess and I do not post very often: our apologies about that. The thing is, there really isn't much to tell. And we're not even really out of the woods with wedding stuff yet: sure, courthouse part is done, and my name's been changed to "Therese Totten" (WHOA?!), but we still have yet to have our church ceremony in Manila and our original wedding that's now been slated to be a renewal of vows, in Austin, both for next year.

That being said, it's been a busy summer--wish it had been longer! :/ We did mostly prep for the church ceremony, much to Jess' credit. My mother-in-law(!) said, "He must love you to have done it!" Aw :) Fuzzy feelings! More specifically, we did Natural Family Planning that stretched out one night a month for three months; then we also did a weekend retreat. Jess wasn't too happy, but he did it; I've been on my share of retreats, so for me it was same old same old: hunker down and deal. And in the end, it was ok. There was even a mixed-race couple (no prejudice meant, but hey, that's what Jess and I are), so that was cool, and even cooler, it was also a Filipina lady and a Caucasian man--just like Jess and me, too! So hearing them share was quite nice. Besides Catholic requirements, I worked on my teaching certification, and worked some retail, but I'm not done with my requirements yet, so it's an ongoing process at this moment. And of course, the ongoing wedding planning.

So this summer, along with two friends, Jess and I used a Groupon deal to kayak the Houston bayou: kinda dirty and stinky (though not as bad as the Pasig River where I used to row in college), but worse when you fall in, which happened to me. Not cool, but we survived, with Jess' help, who went in after me, sweet man that he is. Jess and I also visited my relatives in Toronto (whom I haven't seen in years) for my cousin's wedding. Apparently, under my relatives' scrutiny, Jess passed with flying colors, yay! We also went to Galveston, my first time there, where we found the one-hour drive is a nice little getaway (from Houston) without being too tiring. I took a knitting class in my neighborhood too, but have yet to knit a pair of socks! I also got back into rubber stamps: I used to collect them along with stickers when I was younger, though back then I had no idea I could make stuff with it. But now, with a heat gun and embossing powder, I've got a few ideas up my sleeve, and I even send special embossed letters sometimes, so I think that's pretty neat :) It keeps me happy, and that makes Jess happy :) It's a slightly pricy habit though, oops! I also recently got into succulents. With our north and west facing windows, though, keeping them alive is the main challenge.

Now it's back to school, and that's more work--and some regular money, yay-- for me. I not only do assistant teaching in the classroom, but now I also do a computer ancillary class in the morning. So it's been a bit of an adjustment, but I'm hoping I'm doing alright, making some progress. My principal is talking about having me transform the class into more robotics work, and I talked to the guy in charge of the robotics club, and it sounds promising. We shall see. The teacher I help in the classroom gave me a form for an educator's discount (20%) at Barnes and Noble, and I got the discount, so I thought that was cool--ooh, educator = me, WHOA :) Jess still takes the bus to work at least once a week, or rides his bike, 12 miles each way, hoowee. And he still likes his job and has a friend who gives us fish, yay :)

I've been sick with allergies that turned to a cold that turned to a cough. Jess, his parents, sister and I went to the coast for Labor Day weekend, and while it helped, I was still pretty sick and phlegmy. Jess and I tried working out a few days ago, but it was just a bad idea, and I backslid. But I discovered Mucinex, and so far, with Dayquil, it's been a good thing. Now to get back to working out (ie kickboxing), hopefully soon!

I just feel that being married (coming to four months now, yay!), Jess and I don't do a lot, especially as most of my friends are in Manila while Jess' are in the US, so that with being more introverted, Jess and I just keep busy with chores and each other, which might be boring to most people. That being said, we do have some common friends, and I'm trying to branch out more and make some friends, though that's never easy and it can never be forced.

So what are weekends like for us? We go to the farmer's market when we can, and get groceries at a supermarket for what we lack from the farmer's market, then we look at shops when we can, or Jess gets a haircut or I get facial/wax/etc. We try to go out as a treat on weekends, whether it be a drink at a quiet bar, or try a new restaurant or go to one of the restaurants we already like. Sometimes we might even see a movie or go rock-climbing; this weekend, Jess is persuading me to try learning how to ride my bike again: the heat's toned down a bit so I just might. Then I also work retail, so that usually takes up my Sundays. Then I come home (or Jess picks me up, yay), we have dinner, he plays video games and if I'm not too tired I might do a video workout, tool around on the Internet, then before we know it, it's time to get ready for another week.

So this our life right now, and it's been working for us so far, touch wood! In the future, we are looking at getting a house with a good-sized yard (for fruits and vegetables and herbs!), some chickens, and a rescue pooch.

Our life in a nutshell: boring or not? You tell me :)

Projects Day

2010-07-26T16:30:00.013-05:00

Today was my day off, so of course, I still worked on stuff, namely preparations for Jess' and my trip to Toronto this weekend! I realized that I hadn't bought anything for my Toronto relatives, and have no idea what to give Jennifer and Terence, so after some consulting with my parents, I decided to get some Texas pecans at Central Market, yee-haw! I had gone to Lululemon the previous day with my poor suffering husband in tow (Lululemon is a yoga clothing store and I love it, while Jess doesn't, heehee), and they had forgotten to remove the security tag, so I had to go to that part of town anyway to have the tag removed (Central Market is a block away). Across the street is this paper store called Paper Source that I had been wanting to go to, next to the newest cupcake place in town called Sprinkles that I heard was good, so two birds with one stone! I bought a gluten-free cupcake for me (just 'coz I try to avoid gluten when I can) and a surprise cupcake for Jess, and then stepped into Paper Source...and fell in love. They had themed displays like cupcakes, and flowers, and home stuff, and luchadores...aw man! I got gifts for Jenn there, I hope she likes it! (see Image 1), as well as a card. I was just thinking about using my stamps so I bought an inkpad, but then the girl asked me if I wanted to learn embossing to make the gold ink "pop." I did, and it turns out to be so easy! All you need is embossing powder, and a heat gun (see 2nd image)--you can't use a hairdryer as it's actually not as hot as the heat gun! And I've always loved embossed stuff. After getting some lunch at home, I did it for Terence and Jennifer's wedding card, and voila, see Image 3, my first attempt at embossing :) I cannot WAIT to go back to Paper Source. Oh dear, another shop where I have to guard my money from, haha. I also decorated paper bags to put the pecans in, as well as another food surprise--see image 4 :) Oh, Image 5 is some of my "materials" used--I even got cute felt animal stickers, one which I used to seal Jenn's and Terence's card. A friend in kickboxing calls me Martha Stewart, haha. Maybe not, but I do like craftsy stuff. I'm still struggling with knitting, and I have yet to take that sewing class, and with Paper Source, I might take a card-making class :) And as my Mom and Mama cez can testify, I've always loved stickers and stationery ;) So excited! So maybe I'm a bit domesticated: I don't think that's really a bad thing ;)

My 26th Birthday Weekend

2010-05-24T22:20:00.013-05:00

I'm sorta glad I went to school on my birthday. I was an hour late, but that's coz I talked to my Mom before I left home. I didn't think I'd feel like celebrating, but when I got inside the classroom, they all shouted "surprise!," leapt to their feet and sang for me. That was awesome. I got orchids from Mrs. T and massagers from Carmen (they need batteries). And cards, lots of them. It made my heart full. I told them that this meant more to me than when 500 of my classmates sang at yoga teacher training, and the kids said thank you. Of course at recess they were rough and were "treating me like a suspect," whatever that means, but that's how they are--impulsive and ebullient. I love them.

It should have been that I was going to stay home and shop with my Mom, but alas, that was not to be: her visa expired, so she petitioned hard to get a new one for this week. It is hopefully on its way to her now as I write, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed even as her gifts are all ready for her. I won't deny that not having her here for the 1st time was hard; it was: we practically have a tradition that she meets me wherever part of the world I am on my birthday, and as much as I grumble about it, it is grounding and gratifying. Alas, not this year, so I really didn't feel in the "birthday spirit." But at least I had my students this time. Seriously, you can't have a bad day with 6-8 year-olds depending on you and loving you unconditionally. Loads of people greeting me over the phone and Internet was nice, too. My Angkong (Chinese granddad) even sang to me over the phone; can you say AWESOME? And of course, my sweet fiance, J, who bought me cutesy sandals the weekend before, then had a few surprise gifts up his sleeve, then even though it was the middle of the week, took me out to a nice Indian restaurant for my birthday (though in hindsight, going in the middle of the week was more peaceful than going on a weekend--easier to get a table, too). All in all, a good birthday.

It kinda extended to the weekend, too-- I made fruit salad and smoothies on Saturday, and J made french toast out of stale baguette, then cooked some turkey bacon, too. I liked the turkey bacon; him, not so much. We took our time, watched a funny movie at home, then did some chores, and went out for a nice relaxed dinner after. Sunday, we had oatmeal (simpler than french toast!), did more chores like housekeeping and shoe sizing for gifts (J's birthday is next month), tried out a new snowcone place, then hung out with a friend at her mom's pool. And in the midst of all this, J and I found time to snuggle and cuddle and hug and kiss and laugh again, which was nice. Sometimes life gets in the way. We realize it shouldn't. It was a good weekend.

Now, my Mom's supposed to come in on Wednesday, and all our plans for last week are moved to this week. There's no turning back now; that's the plan, at least. Take 2; here's hoping it really works. If it does, I see shopping and nice restaurants in my future. Woohoo! Fingers crossed.

A Slight Change in Plans

2010-05-18T16:43:00.004-05:00

So the title says it all; there is a slight change. Nothing drastic, so keep calm (and carry on). The night my Mom was to take the flight from Manila to the US, she found out that her visa had expired, oh around a week ago. She tells me this over SMS and I kinda quietly freak out and go to the gym in a daze, and tell my aunt and Jess' parents. My aunt can't have her airfare refunded, so she found a cheaper hotel on short notice. Then my Mom scrambles for contacts in Manila, one being her diplomat-tenant who works at the Czech embassy. But US protocol is stricter than ever, barring family emergency (which, technically, this is): as of this morning, the earliest appointment she was able to get was for May 20--too late for anything this week. Then it'll take 4-5 business days to process. She is confident she'll be here by the 26th or 27th next week, though. I sure hope so, 'coz right after her call, I called Jess' parents and grandma, to move their reservation to next week (they agreed, for which I and my Mom are so very grateful). I emailed my aunt, and she moved her plane date (and canceled her hotel reservation as she will be staying with my Mom). I emailed my retail job, and they were so nice as to move my work day to this week instead of next week, so I can spend time with family and hopefully get married next week. I haven't heard from my principal, but hopefully I can take my chances.

Jess was very grumbly about the whole mad scramble, and I admit I almost lost it: I was depending on him to be my rock, and I told him that. So now we are trying to take it easy and avoid any unkind words. Jess' grandma said, "It could've been worse." And a colleague at work said "In the grand scheme of things, a week is nothing." True on both counts. But as the past 2 days have just left me all dazed and confused, I just want a resolution, the light at the end of the tunnel. So I ask for everyone's prayers: I hope this time around will work, 'coz yeah, it's got to. Lesson learned: make sure your visa is still valid before you leave! Here's hoping we get it this 2nd time around. May 28, 2010: keep your fingers crossed.

Wedding #1 of 3 in 5 days

2010-05-16T21:55:00.000-05:00

So. Jess and I, standing in front of a judge, 5 days from today. Whoa.

It has been very busy for Jess and me, what with wedding planning and other family stuff, as well as matters at work. But with our upcoming civil/courthouse wedding in 5 days (!), I thought it best to spruce up the details on our registry, as people have been asking about it, so here it is: http://mousebee.mydagsite.com.

Jess and I really thought about it, and we really think a cash registry suits our needs best. We just hope this is not offensive to anyone. If you look at how it is set up, it states that there is no required amount you have to give, large or small, so whatever works for you, or even if it doesn't, that's fine, too. What's nice about this registry, though, is it gives some format, such as when we met, what we suggest as guest accommodations, etc. So I cracked my knuckles and typed away today. We hope you enjoy the end result. As much as it is a registry, it also has other information that you might like knowing, like how we met :) Since I updated that registry, I feel I owe it to everyone to update this blog!

Truly, I am not thinking about the wedding at this point, but the whole affair that comes with it. My birthday is in 3 days, and our civil wedding is in 5. My Mom is arriving in 2 days, and as she doesn't drive nor know Houston as well as we do, it is up to us to make her visit enjoyable. Also, the schoolyear is drawing to a close, at least at the school I work at--in 12 days, in fact. So yeah: a lot of things to think about besides getting married. But if I stop to think about it, this is quite a life-changing event. I don't know if it's going to be the biggest life-changer ever, as Jess and I have been living together for a bit over a year now, and commuting back and forth before that, but it is still a big deal: in the eyes of society, I will be connected to him, and he to me. It makes me think of what I've accomplished so far and deplore to think that I haven't gotten very far yet. I worry about how life will change after marriage, and I hope it won't change for the worse, if it will change (and it probably will). I hope that our love will only get stronger, our bond deeper over time.

I guess this also means that I will not be a single entity any longer. Most decisions I make (if not all), I should consult with him. We will be each other's person. I am not just responsible for me, but now, I should worry about his well-being, and act correspondingly, as well. As such, this is a responsibility, one I worry about being able to fulfill properly. I hope I will be able to do so: I take responsibilities seriously, and I like knowing what's going on. (As such, I don't trust easy)

Of course, this marriage business should not be taken lightly. I'm hoping our union will last, and that it will be a happy, loving one. I hope we will make each other happy. I truly hope this enterprise works. I just like being sure, but sometimes, I guess I just have to let go, and roll with it.

Here's to trusting, and taking the big leap into the Big Unknown Step called marriage.

Catching Up

2010-04-12T23:19:00.005-05:00

It's been a busy week for me and Jess. Over the weekend, we went to the farmer's market and saw baby goats(!) then went to a Japanese festival and an arts market: we saw sword and taiko drum demo's at the former, and had snow cones and a vegan burrito as well as saw anarchist books at the latter. We also went to a nice "Texan-Tuscan" restaurant called Stella Sola near us and had good food, crab carbonara being one of the dishes: phenomenal, if you can believe it! Oh, Jess also made rabbit stew today and it was good, though I cringed every time I would spit out a tiny bone. Oh, man: such are times when I think of becoming vegan again, though I recently bought some vegan books for brunch and baked goodies: I still like to think of veganism, and am still very open to it: in fact, I prefer to make vegan stuff. We've also been dipping our hand into growing herbs, and so far so good. We've got a tomato plant (but no tomatoes yet), rosemary, sage, basil, a pepper plant in our apartment, and oregano, dill, spinach and basil at the garden box below. In the future, I would still like to have chickens and goats to raise, maybe make my own kombucha and yogurt with Jess' help--grown your own, I strongly say.

We also went to city hall downtown today to apply for our marriage license, but it turns out that we applied for a marriage license too soon-- the period is 3-30 days, not 90! So we have to go back either end of April or beginning of May so that it's late enough for the license to still be valid for Jess' family's and my Mom's visit when we'll hopefully get it officiated (ie legally married May 21, 2010--my mom wanted my birthday but it was the middle of the week: this way, Jess' family can attend, and besides, I was told it might be safer to have it on another day besides a birthday), as well as bring the form we got from our marriage prep class. I was wrestling with it over the weekend: like this is real, and it's SERIOUS: as in not going out for dinner, or washing clothes, MARRIAGE, OK?! i.e. committing to spending the rest of your life (at least in theory and hopefully so) with one person, who is Jess! Am I ready? Do I want this? Can I do this? So I turned the tables and asked him (of course), and he said he still wants it. So I thought about it in turn, and yes, I think this is still what I want. I don't think no one will ever be ready for it, and if you are, you are either limiting it, or I don't know what! But some fear/trepidation is healthy, I think, as nothing is ever certain, least of all marriage-- sharing your life with someone else, and building dreams and a life together. So as long as you are willing to try and be committed, hopefully, this enterprise will work. I pray it will. I will try my best to trust in this (and trust is no small feat for me to do).

Apart from this, it's been work and work, with kickboxing classes at the gym in between to be fit and stress-free. By the way, the elementary school I work at in Houston, Garden Oaks Elementary, is back in the process for applying for a grant to be all-Montessori, so that's hopefully a good thing: after working at a Montessori classroom, I can't imagine going back to traditional setting, except maybe small groups for Special Ed, but even then. So with the potential grant, I hope I can apply for certification. I hope it works out!

As for this summer, I will probably stay in the US, for monetary reasons and just to relax before everything gets crazy. We're also planning to visit my Dad's side of the family in Toronto this summer for a wedding, so yeah. As much as I miss Europe, but I've already been to Asia this year, and that's a lot for my system as it is: I think it's best to stay sharp and stay in the same time zone for the coming school year, where hopefully I will still have a job!

I also got a copy of Food Inc (as well as signed their petition for better food in schools, woot!), and maybe Jess and I will watch it soon. I'm really excited to watch this Irish animated movie called "The Secret of Kells:" it's supposedly pretty good. I'm also lately into this mineral make-up called "Bare Escentuals." I ordered some and am really excited to try it. I dumped my old make-up as old stuff develop bacteria over time, so I said why not. I am also bidding on eBay as it can be cheaper, like Lululemon capris for working out: they are primarily a yoga company, but their fabric is so nice and flattering, and the colors are pretty too. I'm also looking into this brand of shoes advocating Barefoot technology without looking too extreme like Vibram Five Fingers, and they're called Vivo Barefoot by Terra Plana. And there's Skullcandy for music stuff, and maybe some Brooks and Moving Comfort/Her Room for physical activity, and maybe some Earth Shoes/Dansko/Simple Shoes in the future? Of course, there's always books/videos I am pining for on Amazon, as well as other things in other sites, but to each its own time, especially with my tiny salary! I sometimes lament to Jess that I like stuff too much, but hopefully that's normal, and hopefully I'm not too too much into getting stuff: I try to buy good stuff, but I try to limit it to what I really want, and for cheaper, if possible. That's what I actually told Jess in response to this video called "The Story of Stuff" of how it's an endless cycle of wanting something to working to get it then buying and repeat; I think it's fun to buy stuff and want things: I think it shows we're human: it helps the economy, too. However, I also do believe there is a limit, and if we can buy "reuse" by getting stuff from friends that they don't like but we do, or buying stuff from people (like on eBay) that they no longer like but we do, then it's kinda limiting the amount of excess stuff that's out there. There is that saying: "One man's trash is another man's treasure." I believe in that, and I believe that leads to a healthy economy of sorts.

As for wedding stuff, I still need to fix the invites, and the marriage license and am waiting on the dress here in Houston. But apart from that, we got the venue/food, the photographer/videographer; I have my birth certificate and baptismal certificate (yay!); we have definite ideas how to do our wedding favors, are working on the invites, the church's permission (especially as we're overseas and are a mixed-religion couple), and am still tweaking the flowers, as well as hair and make-up. As for jewelry, I'm hoping pearls will be ok with my Mom as Jess' abuela (maternal grandmom) is lending me her Panamanian mosquetas (pearl brooch and earrings). I've always wanted to wear pearls, and so what if pearls=tears: what if those tears are happy ones? So there. Hopefully I don't have to do doves too: poor doves, and hello potential bird poop on clothes! I'm still thinking about the bouquet: maybe I don't have to toss it (I would like not to), but Jess said I have to think of something as replacement as people are used to tradition: in place of the old, they need a new one.

So this is my news-tidbit/s thus far. I feel like the calm before the storm, though underneath it is a frenetic juggling act that bursts every now and then to make sure that we're still floating; I just hope that everything will be ok, and that it is so.

May this find you well.

Superbrain Yoga

2010-02-25T17:09:00.003-06:00

Yoga IS awesome, I just don't miss all the laundry from "hot" yoga. Take Superbrain Yoga, for example: you don't even need to change clothes, and at 5 minues a day, almost anywhere? Count me in.

Progress List

2010-02-24T20:21:00.012-06:00

Mahalo everyone!

Just in case I haven't told y'all yet, our wedding dates are:
Jan. 15, 2011 in Manila, Philippines
Sept. 10, 2011 in Austin, Texas (USA)

Well, so far, we have:
-cufflinks! (they were Papa's, Jess' maternal grandfather, are made of ivory and came from his stint in Japan)
-my veil
-my shoes
-my evening bag
-undies stuff, including hosiery
-Jess' grandmother's lace and her mother-in-law's tatting
-wax seal!
-hairagami!

We have committed to:
-rings (in gold)
-a "headpiece"
-cake toppers
-my rehearsal dress
-shawls and ties for us and the entourage
-paper punches!
-rubber stamps!
-photography services--for Austin
-a "suit and dress" carry-on bag

We will borrow Jess' abuela's:
-Panamanian mosqueta brooch and earrings

We are more or less decided, but still ironing out
-my wedding dress with Morgan
-ceremony and reception location (the food comes with it) --for Austin; Mary the Queen Parish and Jercon Penthouse, respectively, for Manila
-cake-- for Austin (we're thinking berry chantilly/carrot cake/chocolate decadence)
-favors-- for Austin; honey-roasted peanuts for Manila
-flowers--for Austin
-hair and make-up--for Austin
-guest books
-post stamps
-photo booth app called PartyBooth
-MadLibs (and vows)!

No idea yet on
-music (though there are some songs I want to be played)
-officiant
-invites (though there is a skeleton plan and sketch complete with tentative wording)
-registry/ies (though I heard of this)
-rehearsal dinner (maybe Salt Lick?)
-guest accommodations (maybe Verde Camp?)
-marriage license and name change ie legalese?
-Jess' shoes
-house (for September!)--with space for plants, and goats and chickens, and maybe a dog!
-my Montessori/teaching status
-honeymoon plans

So this is where we are right now. I hope it all works out. I hope we can do this, and that we are doing it well, and right.

Growing things

2010-02-20T23:05:00.002-06:00

So, apart from having some sort of cactus, a lucky bamboo, and recently African violets from a student for Valentine's, now we are trying our luck with calla lilies, just because I saw them as a bridal bouquet and saw them live this time and still thought they were pretty. Then that was that. Apparently, calla lilies are a type of onion. I hope that means it doesn't pollinate like a regular flower. In any case, here's to more green thumb abilities.

Creativity or Overboard?

2010-02-10T16:07:00.005-06:00

While I am already scrambling to get stuff into place (like royal blue neckties and shawls, a wedding pinata, wedding favors, dress measurements, my veil, a potential cake topper and wedding headpiece, cake, floral and make-up people, firming up a photographer and the venue, not to mention house-hunting for September and still looking for size 9.5/10 royal blue shoes--anyone?) I was thinking of guest book ideas, or shower ideas, and music. Speaking of wedding traditions, if I have royal blue shoes and a shawl, that'd take care of something blue, right? :)

As much as I am not the biggest fan of the knot, I saw an idea of theirs that I liked: making a Mad Libs for the wedding, or wedding shower (I am thinking a joint one would be better--price-wise and trying to coordinate things)

I was also thinking of getting a big honkin' journal and having guests write down
1) what they think love and marriage are
2) what their advice would be to us (the potential newlyweds)

For the guest book, what about a wide photo mat for guests to write well-wishes/names, etc on it? It would be an alternative to the usual guest book and a memento, as well. For more ideas, try this site.

Music, ah, music. Maybe a DJ? 'Coz I'm already thinking of the following songs:

-Your Arms Around Me by Jens Lekman
-You Remind Me of Home by Benjamin Gibbard
-One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles
-Ave Maria by Beyonce
-Stick With Me by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-I Gotta Feeling by BEP
-Say Hey I Love You by Michael Franti
-You and Me by DMB
-Jai Ho by AR Rahman
-Are You Gonna Be My Girl by JET
-All I Want is You by Barry Louis Polisar
-When U Love Somebody by Fruit Bats
-The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson
-Love of My Life by Santana
-Love Shack by B-52's
-Let's Stick Together by Al Green
-I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
-Wedding Song by Tracy Chapman
-At Last by Etta James
-Come Away With Me by Norah Jones
-The Prettiest Thing by Norah Jones
-She Is So Beautiful by The Waterboys
-Stand By Me by Ben E. King
-Heartbeats by The Knife
-When She Believes by Ben Harper
-Must Have Done Something Right by Relient K
-Head Over Heels by The Go-Go's
-I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by the Scissor Sisters
-All You Need is Love by The Beatles
-Kiss by Prince
-You Are My Sunshine by Norman Blake
-La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong
-The Very Thought of You by Nat King Cole
-I've Got You Under My Skin
-Karma Yoga by The Yoga Specialists

Ok, I had no idea I already had a lot I liked! Alrighty then.

For a gift registry, between the two of us, Jess and I have most of the stuff we need (who cares if it doesn't all match-- kitsch is the new cool!), but I read in a book of creating a bank account? What about PayPal? Or what about an Amazon registry?

I probably should ease up, but I *really* like my ducks lined up in a row, so we'll see. A lot of things to think about. Jess says we've gotten a lot of stuff done already, but eh. That's what I say. I say carry on.

Wedding planning

2010-02-07T15:37:00.014-06:00

While I am planning my wedding dress, and the rings are in progress, I got my veil from Etsy, and I'm thinking of getting this headband, in ivory or gold.

Maybe attach the veil to that???? Hmmmm. And what about (royal blue) shoes??? Thinking of getting a royal blue shawl too to my dress here, and maybe a bridesmaid gift too (or something else for the gift)? :) Looking at royal blue neckties for the groomsmen on eBay, and maybe wedding favors from Berdoll's or even better, someone still local but cheaper. Nuts are supposedly the traditional wedding favor, especially sugared almonds, as almonds are bitter and sugar is sweet, representing weddings' bittersweet quality. Pecans are more southern and Texan, so maybe sweetened pecans, instead. Speaking of wedding traditions, I found a website that has Filipino customs, though I think some of it's a bit much. Jess and I are also thinking of having a wedding reception pinata in Austin, maybe a donkey in our wedding colors of royal blue and ivory. In Texas, surely we can find someone who'll do it! ;)

We also looked at a wedding place and it might be The Winfield Inn south of Austin in Kyle, TX. They do catering on-site and I think at an added cost, can do the cake too. Otherwise maybe Michelle's Patisserie?
I would like a dark chocolate zucchini cake for a groom's cake, and a hummingbird/carrot cake for the bridal/wedding cake. Or key lime pie for the groom's cake as Jess likes key lime pie, and flan. Come to think of it, those cakes would be good for Manila, too....

(Austin) photographer will hopefully be the McKinneys of Red Letter Photos. For hair and make-up, I do not know who to go to yet.

For flowers, we're thinking Petals, Ink. per Julia (Jess' sister)'s suggestion, and as with our ethic, we'd prefer it be local and seasonal, and a local vendor.

We're still trying to figure out the logistics of music, and the rules of a second wedding. For reception music, it definitely has to be music we can dance and relate to. In Manila, Nikki is suggesting the choir of the church I grew up in, but I think Mom's wanting Lolo Billy's students/orchestra. Then for the wedding, maybe legal stuff will be in Texas and religious will be in the Philippines? Er. I don't know.

Ok, this is most of things from our end right now. Jess is telling me to relax, but I really feel I should be on the ball here. Thus the search continues...

Farewell 2009, Hello 2010

2009-12-31T09:12:00.010-06:00

I hope this finds everyone well. I am still recovering from a bad cold that could've stemmed from allergies I could've caught in Austin. No worries, though. We got stuff done, anyway: just yesterday Jess had a haircut while I got me a facial, then we got new pillows from B3, got some produce from Whole Foods (including black-eyed peas for New Year's) as it's right across B3, then got my schedule from WEPCo, changed sheets at home, called it a day then had a late lunch of ceviche and crackers. We also took the trash out, and I plan to do laundry today: out with the old, in with the new, I think, extends even to this. I am so proud-grateful-glad J has been so patient thus far :) Let's hope it continues! As to what we'll do this New Year's Eve, we have no real plans, save eating some black-eyed peas tomorrow for New Year's Day tradition.

Aside from black-eyed peas from this side of the world, my family has traditions for New Year's too: peanuts and pineapple and grapes and tangerines and gold/silver chocolate coins (for money), totaling to 8 kinds of round-ish fruit/etc to be put on a round bowl/plate for the coming year. (8's the lucky Chinese number: it sounds like luck, just as pineapple sounds like luck coming in, once translated: J and I vetoed the pineapple as we already have a pomegranate that'll do, thank you very much) My mom also said no chicken on the first day of the year so our luck won't fly away: better fish or pork (and beef, I guess). I was also recommended a doctor in Manila who's into more holistic paths, hopefully, the path of the future :)

So what has 2009 given me? For starters, I eased off of Bikram yoga in March for a temporary leave that has turned indefinite, giving me more time to focus on commuting and also working at WEPCo. In April, my Dad underwent a quadruple stent surgery (oh no!) but J and I moved into a nice attic-space in the Heights with lots of room, a washer and dryer included (yay)! Of course and with the help of Yelp, I took it upon myself to learn more about our neighborhood, finding gems and friends in stores like Kaboom books, Hello Lucky, Antidote Coffee, Saturday farmer's markets like T'afia and Urban Harvest, Blue Line Bike Lab, Urban Jungle Self Defense and 19th St among others. July found me passing my driver's road test after the 2nd attempt and after many prayers and practice, ie not needing to take the bus anymore (unless I wanted to)! June-July also was our housewarming, and me getting into kickboxing and slowly getting some fitness back, as well as finding results in Natalia Rose's book, "The Raw Food Detox Diet;" thank God :) In September, amidst the catastrophe of Typhoon Ondoy, a volunteer spot turned into a job opening for me as a Montessori teaching assistant at Garden Oaks Elementary. Juggling two jobs just didn't give me enough time off, so I went down to pool/reserve for WEPCo in October, during which J and I also a took a pre-marriage class from Connecting Marriages. In November, my parents visited, and not only did we go to Austin for their first Thanksgiving, but we went to Peru (Machu Picchu, Lima and Cusco) before that! And before they left, J asked my Dad for my hand, to which my dad gave his blessing. In December, among the Christmas activities (gift-giving and eating), J, his parents, his sister and I all went to see Avatar in 3-D: not bad, actually. J and I've had our fair share of disagreements since then, more probably because of togetherness-pains and anxieties and insecurities and doubts (me), but we've made up and are hopefully better for it, learning to be more patient, and to be more accepting and let things happen if they do and make peace if they don't. This is where I am; I hope for more and better in 2010.

For manifestations, to start off, J and I are talking about getting married, so that's a big one, maybe with a ring and a question soon :) Hopefully too, and with my parents' help, we can get a house in the Heights, as well, and with a good price/location if we play our cards right :) As to more mundane matters, I would finally like to be able to bike on my own! ;) I am also hoping to see C soon, as well as go home in March and maybe Panama sometime and Germany/Russia in August; I would love to get a copy of J's Grandaunt Fanny's honey cake recipe one of these days, as well as make kombucha with J's help (and maybe more homemade creams etc in the future, too)! Then there's this rewards card, "Go Local Austin" I'm convincing J for me/us to get one the next time we swing by: the rewards look cool, and we're in Austin enough to use it, I think. And if we're not, it can certainly give us more reason to come by :) And more reason for me to go to Daily Juice: I want to try their smoothie "Cosmic Trigger" next :) I also want to get more Juara products: they are an Indonesian-based skincare line I've recently tried that reevaluated my whole thinking/treatment of my skin. My skin feels so much more relaxed and soft and supple. Asian botanicals for Asian skin: that seems to make sense. Of course, hopefully continue climbing and kickboxing, maybe even jiu jitsu in the future with more money, and maybe some swing dancing, too. I would also love to get back on track in getting certified to teach, especially ESL and Special Ed for traditional schooling, and definitely Montessori for Lower Elementary. Then get schooled in Holistic Nutrition from ACHS, maybe even a master's degree in Education from the University of Houston. There are other things I would like, like books, and cooking appliances (and a trampoline!), but for now, these are the big things, things I can accomplish in 5 years, hopefully. As to a more macro level, I hope more local products, markets and businesses will develop and flourish, as with more synergetic Eastern-Western medicine; more alternatives to coal and fossil fuel (connected to going local, too, like mass transit, and bikes, and electric cars) as those are on a steady decline, as well. I hope technology in these cases and such related will continue to grow and develop, as I believe this is the way of the future.

I hope this finds y'all happy, healthy and hearty :) Here's to a peaceful end to 2009, and great promise of 2010! I wish everyone love and blessings, peace and light. :)

Garlic soup, Callos, Papaya Salad and Russian Tea Cookies

2009-12-20T08:33:00.006-06:00

I haven't posted in a while, what with work and holiday stuff (5 days to Christmas!), so for now, enjoy the following recipes:

Mom's Sopa de Ajo (Garlic soup) recipe:

Heat approx. 2-3 tbsp. of olive oil in a pot; add approx. 1-2 tbsp. butter; then, saute approx. 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup finely minced garlic until golden brown; add bread that's been cut into cubes (like croutons) say equivalent of 2 large pandesals (or 2 dinner rolls or 2 Hamburger buns). Once bread is lightly and evenly browned add approx. 4-5 cups of chicken or beef broth; bring to a boil, then add beaten egg slowly, stirring as you are doing so; season with salt and pepper to taste; add a few drops of maggi or knorr, then squeeze in the juice of half a lemon and simmer over a low fire for approx. 30 minutes to 1 hour. Serves 2 people.

Tito Pocho's Callos recipe:

6 pcs garlic, dried
1 pc onion, dried
1 large piece carrot, diced finely
1 kilo tripe pre-cooked in pressure cooker
2 pcs. pig knuckles, pre-cooked in pressure cooker
1 big can chickpeas
1 can whole tomatoes
1 can pimientos
1/2 can tomato sauce
1 bottle olive oil
2 chorizos bilbao
1/4 lb. bacon

1. Tripe should be well-cleaned-- cook in pressure cooker. Once cooked, make sure tripe is well drained (important!) as trip absorbs a lot of water while cooking; if not (drained well), it will make your callos soupy.

2. Heat about 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a casserole-- sauteed garlic, onions, tomatoes, bacon. Add the tripe and pig's knuckles and chorizo, over very low fire. Add salt to taste.

3. After 30 minutes, add tomato sauce and (rest of?) olive oil-- make sure trip has not stuck to the casserole-- if in #2 tripe begins to stick to casserole, add more olive oil

4. After another 30 minutes, add drained chickpeas. Continue cooking over very low fire; casserole must be covered at all times (important!)

5. Try the tripe; if already soft, then add the pimientos, and continue cooking for 15-30 minutes.

Note:
1.The callos should be sliced; one piece chorizo sliced into 4 pieces; bacon sliced into 4 per piece.
2. While cooking, stir once in a while.
3. Eat with French bread, while dunking bread in sauce-- delicious.

Urban Harvest Farmer's Market Papaya Salad:

Ingredients:
1 small green papaya, or 1/2 large (papaya should be very firm, the flesh white to light orange in color)
1/2 cup honey roasted or plain roasted peanuts or glazed cashews
1-2 cups bean sprouts
1-2 tomatoes, cut into long this strips
1 red chili, minced
3 spring onions, sliced into long matchstick-like pieces
1/2 cup fresh basil, roughly chopped if leaves are large
a handful of fresh coriander

for the dressing:
1/2 tsp. shrimp paste (if vegetarian, sub 1 extra Tbsp. soy sauce)
2 Tbsp. good-tasting oil, such as olive
2 Tbsp. fish sauce or 2+1/2 Tbsp. soy sauce
3 Tbsp. lime juice
1/2-1 Tbsp. liquid honey

Prep:
1. Prepare the dressing by mixing together all dressing ingredients in a cup. Make sure shrimp paste and honey dissolve fully (if using glazed nuts, you may only need to add 1/2 Tbsp. honey). Set aside.
2. Peel the green papaya, then slice it in half and remove all the seeds. Using the largest grater you have, grate the papaya. Place in a large bowl.
3. Add the sliced tomato, spring onion, chili, bean sprouts, and most of the basil. Add the dressing, tossing to combine.
4. Add the peanuts or cashews. Toss again. Taste-test the salad. If not sweet enough, add a little more honey. If not salty enough, add a little more fish sauce or soy sauce. If too sweet or salty, add more lime juice. If not spicy enough, add more fresh-cut chili or dried crushed chili.

To serve:
Scoop the salad into individual bowls or into a serving platter. Sprinkle with remaining basil leaves plus fresh coriander. Serve immediately and enjoy!

Stephanie's Russian Tea Cookies

Ingredients:
1 cup butter
1/2 cup sifted powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup chopped pecans
additional powdered sugar for rolling

1. Cream butter in large mixing bowl, gradually add 1/2 cup sugar beating until light and fluffy. Stir in vanilla. Combine flour, salt and pecans; gradually add to butter mixture, blending well. Chill until firm.

2. Shape into 1-inch balls; place 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 400F for 12-15 minutes or until edges of the cookies are lightly browned. Roll in powdered sugar while still warm. Cool on wire racks; roll in powdered sugar an additional time. Yields about 4 dozen cookies.

Buen proveccio! Bon appetit! And happy holidays to one and all :)

And the Credding Bell Saga Continues...

2009-11-17T17:23:00.007-06:00

So last weekend, J and I went to a workshop held by Connecting Marriages, under the umbrella Twogether Texas. It was an 8-hour class on a Saturday, one-time only, so that's fine. It waives the 3-day waiting period for a marriage license and saves you $60 off your marriage license. That's really icing on the cake: what we went for was its shedding light on the marriage process, and relationship stuff, and so on. What we walked away with was the certificate, but also a better idea on our dynamics, and how we can improve that; it also showed us we are not alone--in love, and in intercultural unions, to name but a few. No ring yet, but we're looking into that... someday, I guess, maybe?

Along this trend, I was reading this blog that got me into ordering the book, The Meaning of Wife. Because as much as there is talk about weddings and such, what about after, which is what matters, anyway (I think)? It might prove to be good reading. And with J's and my different religious views, I got this book, Celebrating Interfaith Marriages, because religion I think plays a big role in our lives, our psyches, how we view the world, whether we admit it or not. In light of our workshop, it'll affect not only our potential ceremony, but our whole union, so I'm going to see what this book has to convey. Maybe, maybe this really is all coming together; I hope it is.

My parents touched down on Houston this afternoon. We leave for Machu Picchu on Thursday. Ironing stuff out, can't wait: haven't seen my dad since March, my mom since May. And since then, my dad's been sick, so, I'm a bit anxious: they're getting older and that can't be helped; what more my grandparents? I just hope they're all ok. This is the worst thing about being away from home: it's being away from family and friends, not being there to see the little changes that add up over time. I just hope I don't miss out on too much, and that I can visit soon.

I finally went to the doctor about my cough/cold/flu/whatever, and I seem to have acute bronchitis. The doc said it can last 2 weeks (as I have it), or more. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

School is progressing. Office work gets frustrating sometimes, but c'est la vie. I'd prefer to spend all my time with my kids, but I guess this way with office work in the afternoon is more balanced. Sometimes, too, what to do with kids who don't take anything seriously, or who want to play all day? What about kids who get so mad they shut down? All kinds of questions: I just hope I find answers as I work with them more.

Almost-Credding Bells?

2009-11-08T23:33:00.011-06:00

Well, J and I have been talking of "Step 2"*, and I look at this website for grounding advice and whatnot; I've also been looking at dresses lately that should still be affordably priced, 'coz who can't discount prices nowadays??? Plus most girls like dresses and like to look pretty, and I am one of those. I was looking at this dress. Now for shoes: I don't know what style, especially as I don't have the teensiest feet. Maybe this? I was thinking something else: the more we can save, the more money we can use towards other stuff like honeymoon, or furniture, or other shopping stuff, or photographers like this one, and so on. I love pictures, so it's a semi-big deal: they're memories, and those count. Pictures and maybe gifts for guests like from here? Plus we won free invites here; yay! Ok, so things are still up in the air, no ring in sight, but J told me, "have patience, mouse*." And I said "mraow." We are going to a pre-crarriage* class next Saturday, which is completely free (whee!), by the way, here. That way, we save on a potential license, and all that, so yay more savings. Since I was too sick this weekend to go look at shiny jewelry, much to my frustration (body 1, me 0) and I will be going on a trip later this month with my folks to Machu Picchu, I playfully told J, now you can look without me! And he said yes :) We tried Etsy, but we didn't find anything that really caught us. So eh, we'll see. And J said that it has to be perfect for me, nothing from a bucket out of Safeway, no sir. Aaaw <3

So this is where we are. May Fortune/Lady Luck/God smile on us. We'll see how this will all turn out.

*Step 1= serious committed dating/moving in
Step 1.5= engagement?
Step 2= marriage
Step 2.5= preggers?
Step 3= children
- My folks did not follow this process AT ALL, so want mine to be perfect, whee! (Who can blame them for wanting the best for their baby girl/only child, though)

*mouse= me
bee= J

*credding= wedding
crarriage= marriage
-I refuse to say the actual word as I am too shy

Time to get un-ill

2009-11-08T08:07:00.004-06:00

Ugh. Sick as a dog. Getting better, hopefully, evidence being I'm typing right now, but yeah, my Mom says it's probably a head-cold: intense head pain (alternating between a band tightening around my head with a cap bearing down); chills alternating with feeling super hot; and aching joints. Not a lot of mucous, though. Oh well, I'm combating this with Dayquil first and Tylenol as needed. House-bound all the way, feh. J's mom said the first year she was teaching her doctor gave her this advice: keep your hands away from your mouth/eyes; wash hands as often as possible, or have hand sanitizer. Good advice; she reminded me it'll take a while to get enough immunities/antibodies to my kids' germs and whatnot, so yeah. I hope I get better soon.

Of Soup and School

2009-10-29T18:13:00.015-05:00

Wow, it's only Tuesday and I already feel beat. A good thing I did (with J) today was vote at the local election for school trustee, mayor, and various propositions to be passed in state government, I guess. And as we parked, we saw the twinkling lights of downtown in the distance. Classic Houston moment: beauty amid lack of zoning laws.

But I digress. As a backgrounder, I work at a public school's Montessori program as a teaching assistant, but given the nature of Montessori classes, and the added plus of my pretty good rapport (touch wood!) with the teacher I assist (Ms. T), I am a teaching assistant acting more like a co-teacher, which is great experience. It started out that I was only to work in the classroom, but now I act as cafeteria co-marshall, then after a brief lunch, work in the office/administrative part of the school, making my work experience pretty well-rounded. Tiring? Yes. Informative? Most definitively. I think--and hope--that it'll pay off in the end. Heck, last week there was a district-wide mandated online testing requirement for teachers/salaried staff called ASPIRE, and even as I'm hourly, I was pulled to do it! It was mind-numbing to say the least, but I will say again that I (still) count my lucky stars. So all these experiences have been shaping me to hopefully be a better teacher: this week in particular found me especially stern with my class of kids. I love them, but they need to follow protocol! Man oh man, suffice it to say two kids had a curtailed recess period today. After being nice to them all morning, a stern Ms. S was a shock for them, and one of them in particular, who I've been especially encouraging with, rebuked me, saying "you're mean!" And I said, "I like you, but you have to make better choices; you know better!" to which he reluctantly nodded his head, even a tad ruefully. But I hated being stern and firm, to which end Ms. T patted my shoulder at the end of the day and said, "Be strong!" Indeed; the trials of a teacher continue. But as long as one of my 20 kids learns something, hopefully more than one; then it will all be worth it. I have hope yet.

In other news, I made soup last week.

You heard that right, I who doesn't cook, made soup--not the kind from a can, but since I like to do things all the way, I made soup from scratch. Soup made of fish and clams and shrimp and saffron, to name but a few ingredients.

Ok, so that's more like a stew than soup.

It all started when J and I went to Central Market with J's intention of getting some fish to make this little Asian islander happy. Well, yours truly had a sudden flash of brilliance: why not make a rustic bouillabaise of some sort? So we bought redfish, shrimp and clams, much to J's chagrin. To soothe his quiet alarm, I called my mom for guidance. Well, mothers know best, at least most of the time, and this time was no exception. Of course we Filipinos don't really use measurements, but rather do the "rough eyeing, taste-testing measurement." Voila, my mom's rough recipe. Note: this should only be done in 1 pan, making clean-up hopefully a bit easier!

1. Heat pan; cover pan with olive oil (maybe 1/4 c)
2. Saute 1 whole garlic (minced), 2 whole onions (chopped), and 3 chopped tomatoes.
3. Add fish one at a time: 1/5 lb. redfish, 1/5 lb. shrimp, 1/2 lb. clams*; brown.
4. Drench mixture in white wine (better half of a bottle; don't be stingy!), add 1 small can of tomato sauce* to mixture.
5. Add 2 bay leaves, 2 pcs. anise or equiv. 1/4 tsp., 1 Tbsp. saffron (I used 2 sachets); 1 pinch equiv. of 1/4 tsp. of sugar; add salt and pepper to taste.
5a. Optional: add red peppers (in can--small can), or 6-8 olives (black preferably), or chopped potatoes, or garbanzos/chickpeas, or all of the above for a heartier stew
6. Simmer, 30 minutes or a bit longer.
7. Serve and enjoy!

*tomato paste can also be substituted: just use equal parts water for tomato paste: stir and add into the pot!
*clams must be soaked overnight in ice and a bit of salt for the sand to be removed from the clams: they will spit, even when dead! Keep shrimp in shell, as well as clams, though DO clean clams beforehand to remove the sand; skin and chop the fish into pieces.

Serve stew with either garlic bread or garlic fried rice, latter's recipe below:

1. Steam rice.
2. Heat olive oil in pan
3. brown some garlic
4. dump steamed rice in (older, leftover plain rice is preferable)
5. add salt; stir-fry
6. Serve and eat!
*measurements are up to you: Filipino style!

This is most of it from my end: we had leftover soup from this recipe for tonight's dinner, as well as leftover pizza, and organic buttery popcorn for dessert, as well as coconut maple-pecan ice cream and blood orange sorbet, topped off with some red wine: trashy meets gourmet, hello! Next paycheck, I would like to buy some merchandise from this website.

Whee! Goodnight y'all! Enjoy the (hopefully) cooler weather! For those in the US, it's time to fall back; don't forget to get some rays to avoid getting SAD!

2009 Juli

2009-07-21T23:40:00.001-05:00

I have become a legal Texas Driver since July 14 :) Which means I have been driving to work. Woot woot; go me!

Housewarming last Saturday: yay domesticity?

September and October I have no obligations, so that means more "us time", just me and J. Yay. <3

Looking for good education postgrad colleges in Texas. If anyone has ideas, please let me know.

So little money, so much to buy.

Still studying to be a teacher. Hopefully, hopefully.

Cardio kickboxing but frustrated as I don't seem to be losing weight, or I don't know, I hope I am.

I should eat less and exercise more. Even if J says I am beautiful. I don't think so, and wish I looked better.

So.

I hope it's J and me, more and more, better and better, together and for always.

Fuzzy mushy thoughts.

Goodnight.

6.29.09*

2009-06-29T10:28:00.005-05:00

is my last day of work before a 2-day off. Sweet.

I want to make granola. and kombucha. and yogurt. 'Coz I think it can be done.

I am also thinking of reformatting this blog, to create a new username for uniformity.

I still need to learn to ride a bike, and get my driver's license, and get a new SS card. And possibly change my health insurance. And maybe join a gym, beCAUSE I might be getting visibly fat. I feel tired, so I get lazy...and it's a vicious cycle. I SHOULD exercise but...NO BUTS!

And there are steps....maybe, steps to ascend? <3 I can dream and hope.

And of course I've got to pay bills. Dammit. We cannot escape death, bills and taxes.

Things are good; I hope they can only get better. Life is good, not much to gripe about, but too busy either way.

Is this the new generation of yuppie-busy-blogging?

I try.

*Happy birthday, D. I should forget, but I haven't: I don't think I can. You were the first, after all. I wish you well from my wellness; goodbye.

Of Things in the Now and Later

2009-04-02T23:28:00.003-05:00

J and I celebrate a year of being officially together, next week. Next week, holy cow. And with a deciding education test looming 2 weeks after that, I should've been studying, but no, I was looking at schm(w)edding sites like planning and rings and stuff, how it can be done with $2000, or why can't rings be simple bands, and even engagement ones to not have big shiny rocks? And something of contention between us (even if we haven't discussed "it!"): schm(w)edding favors.

Then there is moving. We have found a place, and J is moving there on Saturday and I on Monday. A place of our own, he likes to point out. And despite my fears, I told my parents, albeit through the postal service. I had to.

So here we are. A year pretty soon, and then hopefully more and more. Onward and upward, I pray and hope.

Let it Snow.

2008-12-11T08:15:00.001-06:00

It snowed in Houston yesterday. Small flecks around 4 pm, then increasingly bigger flakes, til when we closed shop for the night, my colleagues and I all had a snowball fight in the parking lot! Not super big drifts on the ground, but just on cars, a little on the ground, and enough to coat the steps leading to my apartment and front porch!

Oh my God. It snowed. In Houston. Who would've thought.

Who says global warming doesn't exist now?

Life Got in the Way

2008-12-02T22:10:00.000-06:00

I used to write and post little (and some not-so-little!) ditties and of-the-moments constantly. Granted, I still do, only less profound and more transitory, via the all-knowing, all-encompassing Facebook. But it's not the same.

Life got in the way, that's what.

There are just so many things that happen. So many sundry tasks I never took for granted as they were all done for me in a past life but now no longer. Now I sweep my floors and mop when I can, launder my dirty clothing, clean my bathroom and sinks and everything else. It must get done, and done by me. Other tasks too like finally getting my car fully functional via a plate so I can finally drive and not be driven around. Then there is work. Work to pay the bills, and to get food in my belly. Work so I can continue doing all things myself. Old work, and now newer, more stringent work. Celluloid downloads to get away from it all, in itself a race to be up to date on. And then love: in my boyfriend whom I love more than life, who occupies my thoughts and dreams and hopes and whom I wish I could spend forever with.

So I forget to write. I forget to write about Thanksgiving, my first break in ages, after working 3 jobs. And it was a wonderful time of waking up late and cuddling and snuggling, of eating my fill and maybe more. Christmas is already around the corner: already people are putting up decorations and radios are belting out holiday tunes.

Busy days indeed. This is life: this is my life.

You Know You're Filipino If

2008-11-11T10:47:00.002-06:00

7 months yesterday <3

back to the matter at hand.

From this blogger who is a British expat that married a Filipina.

*parentheses are my additions

Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy."
You have uncles and aunts named "Boy," "Girlie," or "Baby."
You have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables like "Jun-Jun," "Ling-Ling," and "Mon-Mon."
You call the parents of your friends and your own parents' friends "Tito" and "Tita."
You have four or five names.
You greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
You always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave the room.
You follow your parents' house rules even if you are over 18.
You live with your parents until and at times even after you're married.
You decorate your dining room wall with a picture of the "Last Supper."
You keep your furniture wrapped in plastic or covered with blankets.
You have a Sto. Niño shrine in your living room.
You have a piano that no one plays.
You keep a tabo (pail) in your bathroom.
You use Vicks Vapor rub as an insect repellent.
You eat with your hands.
You eat more than three times a day.
You think a meal is not a meal without rice.
You think sandwiches are snacks, not meals.
Your dining table has a merry-go-round (lazy Susan) in the middle.
You bring baon to work everyday.
Your pantry is never without Spam, Vienna sausage, corned beef, and sardines.
You love to eat daing or tuyo (smelly salted fish).
You prop up one knee while eating.
You eat your meal with patis, toyo (soysauce), suka, banana catsup, or bagoong.
Your tablecloths are stained with toyo circles.
You love sticky desserts and salty snacks.
You eat fried Spam and hot dogs with rice.
You eat mangoes with rice--with great GUSTO!
You love "dirty" ice cream.
You love to eat, yet often manage to stay slim.
You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
Everything you eat is sauteed in garlic, onion, and tomatoes.
You order a "soft drink" instead of soda.
You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
You get together with family at a cemetery on All Saint's Day to eat, drink, and tell stories by your loved ones' graves.
You play cards or mahjong and drink beer at funeral wakes.
You think Christmas season begins in October and ends in January.
Your second piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
You've mastered the art of packing a suitcase to double capacity.
You collect items from airlines, hotels, and restaurants as "souvenirs."
You feel obligated to give pasalubong (souvenir) to all your friends and relatives each time you return from a trip.
You use paper foot outlines when buying shoes for friends and relatives.
You're a fashion victim.
You can convey 30 messages with your facial expression.
You hold your palms together in front of you and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
You ask for the bill at a restaurant by making a rectangle in the air.
You cover your mouth when you laugh.
You respond to a "Hoy!" or a "Pssst!" in a crowd.
You'll answer "Malapit (near) lang!"--no matter the distance--when asked how far away a place is located.
Goldilocks is more than a fairy tale character to you (it's also a bakeshop).
You refer to power interruptions as "brownouts."
You love to use the following acronyms: CR for comfort room, DI for dance instructor, DOM for dirty old man, TNT for tago nang tago (always hiding: staying illegally in the country), KJ for kill joy, KSP for kulang sa pansin (wanting for attention), OA for over-acting, TL for true love, BF for boyfriend and GF for girlfriend.
You say "rubber shoes" instead of sneakers, "ball pen" instead of pen, "stockings" instead of pantyhose, "pampers" instead of diapers, "ref" or "prijider" instead of refrigerator, "Colgate" instead of toothpaste, "canteen" instead of cafeteria, and "open" or "close" instead of turn on or turn off (as in the lights).
You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
You like everything imported or "state-side."
You love ballroom dancing, bowling, pusoy, mahjong, billiards, and karaoke.
You have a relative who is a nurse (my aunt is!).
When you're in a restaurant, you wipe your plate and utensils before using them.
You can squeeze 15 passengers into your five-seater car without a second thought.
You wave a pom-pom on a stick around the food to keep the flies away.
You always ring a doorbell twice, assuming that the first ring was not heard.
You let the phone ring twice before answering, lest you appear overly eager.
Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
You're proud to be Filipino - and you pass these jokes on to all your Filipino friends!

Incidentally, there is the book by Neni Sta. Romana-Cruz, whose cover, along with book details, can be seen in this website.

Just spreading the Filipino love.

Sometimes

2008-10-16T21:10:00.001-05:00

...I feel I wear my heart on my sleeve too much.

...I give my boyfriend too much leeway and try to please him too much.

...I wish he'd tell me what's the score.

...I wish I could take stuff I said/did back.

...I wonder how single-hood compares to attached-hood and if I should revert.

...I overthink and panic.

STOP.

Rainy Day Thursday

2008-07-24T14:37:00.003-05:00

One more day to the weekend. Oh please God. I'm getting cranky missing Jess. How come the closer and closer it is to seeing him the more and more acute I feel missing him? That has to make sense, but right now it doesn't, and instead just seems very twisted and perverse.

It's been raining cats and dogs for two days now, moreso today. Dude, WOW. And it's like why can't it be more like this?! Well technically it shouldn't as it means for more humidity, not that it isn't humid enough as it is. But I do like walking in the rain, especially when I'm not super dressed up but in flip flops and going to a job that requires me to sweat anyway, in very little clothing. So yeah. It's fun, I just don't like the bugs and the amphibians that may emerge. Them aside, the rain tends to bring a little quiet and calm and stillness to the busy city, making me reflect and go inward. At the same time, the rain brings happy memories of suspended classes, of childhood listening to the pitter patter of rain against the river stone-lined driveway of my gradparents' home, where I spent my childhood: that earthy smell of rain hitting earth. God I love that smell. It's nice to introspect.

I wish there were a time set aside for us to learn things, then emerge, like from a cocoon, out into the world, ready to succeed, with all the right skills. This rarely happens, if at all, which sucks. I guess we just have to learn along the way. Tough, but I guess we have no choice if we want to succeed: it also makes success all the sweeter. Now to remember that, suck it in and toil on.

As much as things are difficult right now financially, I can't help but feel a little cheery as the weekend draws closer. Even as I recall the quote a friend drew from "Eat, Pray and Love" on letting go:

'Groceries,' Richard says, 'listen to me. Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it -- in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India.'
'But I really loved him.'
'Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? this guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. that's just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries -- you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh.'
'I'm not laughing.' I was actually crying. 'And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.'
'He probably was. your problem is you don't understand what the word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holdling you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life is just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over[,] Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby -- you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.'
'But I love him.'
'So love him.'
'But I miss him.'
'So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot -- a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in -- God will rush in -- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."

I dunno. Does it have to be this way? Can't we settle down with a person and continuously grow and stick it out with him/her? What if that's what I want? What if I think I know who I want to settle down with already, this soon? Holy shit scary thought but yeah. It's like wanting to be with him all the time, seeing him all the time, at the same time, thinking when he's around I don't get anything done, but wanting him near anyway. One question is if it's a mutual thought, but for that only time can reveal. The passage deals with non-attachment, but I like attachment; I think it makes me human, which I am, no denying that. Probably not over-attachment because that's just sad, but yes, attachment, we are earthly beings and have only so little time here in this plane, after all.

So little time: August is around the corner, lots happening then=money spending, too, aii-ya! But yes, also meaning four months in :) Gotta get a good job hopefully soon, to stay, and hopefully it will all be worth it.

Aunt Flo rages

2008-07-18T01:20:00.004-05:00

When I doubt myself, being in a relationship, doubting things that matter, I think it's time I go to sleep.

There may be rough patches, there may come a time when I feel feh and so see a relationship needs work too or ponder if I should do something else to prove I am capable of having fun elsewhere, thank you very much. But...

YES my boyfriend is awesome. YES we have a lot in common. YES I bring a lot to the table. YES I am awesome.

Now go to bed.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. -Anonymous

When I think of my blessings, I think of you twice. -Irish proverb

There is always the chance that things will be better in the morning.

Things to Do

2008-07-16T15:37:00.001-05:00

-get a tattoo: Seriously, one day: on my nape or hip, but hip ones change shape easier, so.
-get a better paying job: working on it, though gods I never knew how difficult and how it in itself is a process
-learn how to drive: um, YEAH.
-get a place with a washing machine and dryer: will help a lot but in the future, maybe: not really just yet
-grow my hair, and not highlight it anymore: we'll see. I want a trim sometime soon, though.
-join a band or choir (again): I miss singing. A LOT.
-go traveling again: God I miss it. Maybe Tibet! or Morocco...
-get scuba certified: maybe ask Mom if I can have that for Christmas?
-go back to school: learn something new, or relearn a language (which can also mean travel, whee)
-grow with my boyfriend: this would be nice to do :)
-love myself more: er.
-get healthier: figure out especially why especially I've been conking out so easily and frequently :(

I'm sure there are more out there, but this is what's on my mind right now.

Musings on a Late Work Day

2008-07-16T15:22:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, so maybe I am a mellow music girl. Mostly. I've been having this song on repeat in my head that a relative sang that just mesmerized me. It's called Crashing Home:

Storm's raging, now off course to the belly of a whale
the drowning into darkness there is nowhere else to sail

CHORUS: Coughed up on the beach last night, I'm crashing home
I've got nowhere to reach for the light, I'm crashing home

You try to hold me, I'm writhing, we both get beaten black and blue
I hold you, you're smiling, we both learn something true

CHORUS

You pull, I let you, til there's almost no air
I pull, you leave me, we breathe in stale air

CHORUS

You lick my wounds, I bite the hand that feeds me
We pay us back and pretend to love each other sweetly

Bridge: Drop through where the sky is open, I fall through where the questions burn to
where my eyes shine from, to where my heart knows from, to where my soul melts and quenches as hope

CHORUS

...Leastways that's what I heard (no lyrics, maybe I should ask for some, duh)

Anyway. As I looked up into the night sky going back home from doing laundry one evening (I was asked if I felt safe walking late at night and I'm like, well yeah, it's pretty much half a block and what are they going to steal from me: dirty, sweaty, stinky yoga clothes? Good luck with that. But yeah, touch wood anyway), I noticed the moon is again almost full, and it hit me how time truly does fly past. It is already July, and I have not really accomplished much yet. I have moved, true, but that has been a financial drain above all else. Not to mention I've never really cleaned before, and sometimes, sometimes, I think I am allowed to pout, stamp my not-so-little foot and complain that back from where I came from, I had people cleaning for me everyday, never having to worry about a dirty floor or bathroom, and worse, never having to kill roaches, which is what I had to do last night. Roaches: my worst fear. Oh gods. I had to kill one in my bathtub, suffocating it in Oust (TM) and then drowning it in antibacterial liquid soap. Then stepping out and seeing two--count 'em, TWO--roaches, side by side, almost on top of each other (OH GOD WERE THEY MATING????? NOOOOOO) on the hinges of my front door. Oh dude, no. I do not keep food out for the sole purpose of keeping roachies away, and granted, I swept last week, but that's normal for me. But dude, WHY? My neighbor and friend, whose flat I had to camp out in for a while just because I'd rather her over two roaches and a dead one for company, said it's because of the trees (the big ones are tree roaches, she said, but they looked like trash roaches, with the glossy coat and *shudder*), but her flat is closer to a tree than mine, so why did I get roaches and she didn't? Maybe a neighbor's lack of sanitary habits? I.don't.know. Seriously, though? GROSS-O. So yeah, I slept with the lights on, because I was told lights keep them at bay. Shit, I'll go for that. I might have to wait for more funds before doing anything regarding bait/extermination, but I guess I can go looking for future funding. Er. Yeah. And maybe look into going back to "school" in the future: I think I can handle it. Right now, though, there is that roach cadaver in my tub, so I guess I should clean. Oh dammit. Maybe in a while. Nyar. Then there are frames to buy, and a bedspread and tablecloth and mebbe hooks, and man I looked at friend's bathroom and hers looked so much better than mine: I felt mine looked ghetto next to hers... :-( I feel I can be more girly, so I feel I am failing somehow (and not financially, though I am improving at it: sucks to have to be patient and save, though: I never had to do it before: oh well, time to start, right?) So many things to do, so little money. Hopefully things will change for the better.

*********************

Just finished reading these comics my lovely (beloved) boyfriend lent me, and yeah those was good readin'. It's amazing how the human mind can conjure ideas up, string them together to make a story, or even an anthology. Beautiful. Reminds me how I like to write, too, and how my imagination can run wild (though sometimes not in a good way). Stories remind us of our humanity. The human mind is a great wonder, I think so. It houses our emotions and feelings, which come not from the heart, but from our mind, though it does sound more poetic to say I love you from the bottom of my heart rather than (I love you) from the bottom of my hypothallamus. And even that is something we created, our thought processes, our discernment. How do beings think, though? How do we express them? Moreover, we may not the only beings who think and express as we do. But that...wow, that can be an eternal question. Now to answer if it is one we would like to think about forever.

Indeed life is short and time is swift, and we choose how we shape it. I look around and right now, my existence is so different from what I was used to. Then again, now it is also shaped of my sweat (literally), my work, not anyone else's (ok, mostly). It has barely begun. It is difficult and scary standing up on my own new legs, and sometimes the ground looks so near, so familiar, so inviting. But that is giving in. Not just yet. With time, hopefully with support, no, standing up and then learning to walk and run are the goals. One step at a time.

Dancing with the Universe

2008-07-09T13:19:00.001-05:00

I have to share this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY or his site http://www.wherethehellismatt.com

Watch the video. Awe-inspiring, goosebumpy-ohmygod-tear-up WOW.

Incidentally took my 1st class at Fountainview, Taz teaching (haven't had her in a good long while). This in the face of sleeping at 6 am, no breakfast, 3rd class in a row, practicing in the front beside Claire, and wearing a bra-top and loud faux-Pucci shorts to offset my tiredness, which worked, I guess. Yey for Bishnu Ghosh day!

Bago

2008-07-08T00:35:00.008-05:00

Sige na nga.

Minsan, minsan, na-mimiss ko magsulat, magsalita sa wikang Filipino. Kahit Tagalog, o Ilonggo, basta Pinoy. Wala lang: mas nararamdaman kapag ako'y wala sa bansa kung saan ko siya magamit at maiintindihan ako, at nararamdaman din sa pagkakataon na ibig kong mai-share sa aking giliw, kahit hindi niya maintindihan; wala lang: siguro ganyan talaga.

Sinasabi nilang may komunidad dito ng mga ibang kapwa-Pilipino, pero hindi ko pa sila natagpuan. Sana balang araw...

Ngunit gusto kong manatili dito sa dayuhang bansa, dayuhang lugar. Ang sweldo ng aking trabaho ay 'di sapat, ngunit sana raraos din ako sa ganitong sitwasyon, at maipakita ko rin sa aking mga magulang na maaari na akong mamuhay na 'di nakasandal o gumagamit ng kanilang credit card, at pera.

Aminado akong may malaking kinalaman dito ang aking nobio, ngunit paano ang ganitong pakiramdam na tilang ibing mong kilalanin siya at masamahan siya habambuhay? Para sa akin, na kami'y natututo sabay-sabay ay masaya at nakakapagbigay-ligaya: na siya rin ay matalino ay mas nakakapagbigay-halaga sa aming relasyon. Kaya dapat magawan ko ng paraan manatili dito. Sana hindi masasayang lamang ang aking mga pagpursigi: sana may mga naramramdaman din siyang pagmamahal sa akin. Dahi oo, mahal ko siya. Sana mahal rin niya ako, sana matutuloy ito sa....hinaharap, sana sana. May posibilidad naman sa lahat, diba?

Ibig kong manatili pa rito. Aminado ko na minsa'y hinahanap ko ang mga "comfort" ng aking napaka komportableng buhay sa Pinas, kung saan lahat ay gumagana ng karapat-dapat, pwede akong magpagupit o pumunta ng parlor kahit kailan, ang mga damit ay linabhan na, na-plantsa na rin at natupi, ang bahay malinis, ang pagkain linuto. Aminado hinahanap ko ang mga ito minsan, sa aking mga pagkakataon ng kahinaan. Ngunit. Ngunit. Iniisip ko makakarating din ako sa ganyan, sa panahon, at kapag mkahanap ako ng ibang trabaho na nagbabayad ng mas malaking halaga. Hindi ko kailangan ang lahat ng "comforts" ng Pinas araw-araw. Una, hindi ko nagustuhang may mga katulong kami na nakasandal na kami sa kanila. Pangalawa, ang pagpunta sa parlor: pwede rin dito, ngunit di sin-dalas. At ang pinaka-importante sa tingin ko'y bata pa ako, at malusog. Kaya ko pang makaranas ng iba, maghirap, magtrabaho. Kailan pa? At sana, sana, uubra ito lahat, makakaraos ako, sana kasama ko pa si Jess, at sana, sana, it's all worth it.

Karagdagan: At the same time, kapag hindi kami matuluyan, paano na? Pag hindi umubra at kinailangan kong bumalik at magtrabaho sa pabrika, ano na ang resulta? Sabihin natin sa ngayon na ako'y ang "settle down with someone" tipong tao, eh ano kung hindi? Siempre pwede rin ang mga itong mangyari, pero sana sana hindi. Kaya sa aking sarili: maghanap na ng trabaho, rumaos na!

Sick day

2008-07-01T15:08:00.003-05:00

Incidentally, maybe low feelings can bring one's health down, but I got really congested and runny nose last night, and so I slept with (alcohol-soaked) socks and a sweater. This morning I woke up with a heavy head (like a bowling ball!) and tight chest, slightly feverish. Everything hurts and I feel so tired. I am moving in slow motion, I swear. Tomorrow's interview 2 for a PR job I'm applying for, so I dunno how that'll go. It's outside of the loop, so I might seriously ask someone for a ride and pay them back with a good dinner, or something. And I teach afterwards in the evening (it's a whole day affair), so ack. I heard shady stuff about it, so we'll see if there'll even be interview 3. Gotta check bus sked, as well! Drinking a fortified herbal beverage now to strengthen my immune system and rev up my energy. I hope it works. Someone also mentioned epsom salts to maybe align my thyroid, salt, magnesium issues as I've been craving salt and electrolytes like anything. The fat and sugar and protein, maybe a side-effect, but hopefully it'll get fixed. Maybe I should do yoga, as well, after I teach, to push myself: I feel like doing that today. Get my mind focused. Or take a nap, that sounds good, too. Or both. Heck, why not.

I (kinda) figured it out

2008-07-01T02:43:00.002-05:00

I shouldn't open my heart too much, but guard it. Maybe I like him too fast, too much. I don't know why, and he seems to like me, too, but I don't want to be devastated again. It's painful, and crushing.

Laundry. Feeling congested. Hopefully tomorrow (or later) is better. I teach the noon and 4:30: those are usually good energy classes. Then take 6:30? Maybe, maybe. Hopefully eating should be scaling down, too.

But yeah, gotta protect my heart. Never be too vulnerable. And do I need to talk to him later? Maybe I should hold out. It hurts too much to be so open. As much as it is beautiful and exhilarating, it hurts. I don't like getting hurt. Then again, there is that common sentiment that love is a roller coaster ride: full of highs and lows, thus it can't be love without these extremes. I dunno. I can be passionate, but it can be too intense, I guess: the lows too low. Maybe I should step away from this first, see if he misses me, see if he feels similarly, at least. 'Coz it'll hurt even more if he doesn't, and that, that I might not bear as easily, bounce back from as unscathed. I love him so much it's scary. Now to step back, and see his side, maybe. Burrow myself in work, in yoga, in reading, whatever else maybe. Maybe? Again, I dunno. Oh God the ache. Oh God the drama? Maybe I wanted it: maybe I told the universe I wanted something different for a change, but still good. But now, enough, make it good times again!

I should turn in soon. A good thing about being sad is I usually have much less desire to eat. That and not do anything else, though, so oh well. I have stuff to think about. Scratch that. I need sleep. Yes. And yoga.

Job interview #2. It's a ways out, past the loop, so hopefully they'll give me a good offer. I need all the luck and prayers, so storm heaven, please--regarding Jess, regarding employment. Incidentally, I got told off by my boss, that I should study to get better, that mistakes should no longer happen, yadayada. I resent that, but he is right, I just wish he said it better. But it is what it is. We shall see.

Eff it.

2008-07-01T00:39:00.001-05:00

I am as miserable as a bird who got left behind for the winter migration. Or something. Moping like mad. All this over a missed phone call. I wanted to tell my boyfriend about my day so bad, but my Mom called ahead by about a minute and I very well couldn't hang up. So I called the minute I hung up, but got voice mail. No call back. I get desperate and miserable and a feeling of "d'oh!" permeates my being. Damn tear ducts decide to start working overtime this instant. What. the. hell. Anyway. How can it hurt so easily, so deeply, so quickly? Damn it all, I am not used to this. I don't like this: feeling too useless to do anything, not even enough to go out and get a drink. I feel like an effin' zombie. Why is it like this? I don't like being this vulnerable. I feel like I was at fault, but that doesn't seem right: it's not like I deliberately missed his call: I was speaking to my MOM. So I feel like taking a step back and not answering calls or any form of communication from him half to punish him (in a skewed way for not calling back--female logic), but also because I don't like getting this involved, this deep into and vulnerable to someone. At the same time I miss him so much it hurts. Fuck it. I hate this. Why, why, WHY.

Damn leaky ducts.

To the Universe

2008-06-18T17:17:00.002-05:00

I am putting it out there. Yes, I am in a relationship--a real, honest-to-goodness one, after all this time. Seemingly on equal footing. And he treats me right. He has professed to the four-letter word, and I must confess the emotion is strong in me, as well. We shall see how it goes. It goes without saying I am hoping for the best.

I have a new apartment that is slowly but surely taking shape. I am liking the freedom.

And yes, I must tell my parents, soon.

This is Step One.

Random Thoughts

2008-05-16T11:56:00.000-05:00

Dinner with my family. Tweena included. Ooh, did full camel for her and Cleod. Excerpts from the conversation:

Cleod: "ooh, you look like hakaw (steamed shrimp dumpling)!...Ok, I guess it'll be a bad idea for me to take your class...Of course, it probably does not help that you are wearing that shiny, white top...like wrapper...yum"

Katrine: "Your students must love you; you're so hyper, like a happy tree friend! [then me reminding her I get all moody] OK, an emo happy tree friend!"

*on us discussing chat-lingo:

Cleod: "Seriously, if you type LOL in World of Warcraft, your character laughs! Aside from dancing...
Me: "Awesome! And then make it do the dance! Yeah yeah yeah!"

Me: "OK, so there's LOL for laugh out loud, FTW for the win, ROFL for roll on the floor laughing, LMAO for laugh my ass off...and HAH for hah!" [cue me laughing hysterically and Trina just O_o]

*on karaoke:
Me: "Trine, look, there's a song, called CHARING!" (I kid you not)

[me doing the ing-ing-ing sound a la pick axe murderer just because]

Cleod: "OK, awhile ago you sounded like a chicken on acid; now that was a version of Psycho done real badly..."

Then Katrina and I were balancing pens on our upper lips. It took a while because we were laughing so hard at each other's appearances.

Yeah, I love it when we all hang out. Awesome, awesome, we make the weirdest jokes, and laugh like loons while people all around look at us askance.

I called Trine up today and she tells me that if Jess knew how crazy I really was then it would be BDSM and I'm like whut? And I wiki it 'coz Wikipedia is awesome and I'm like holy cow. Um. Yes, my 18-year old cousin is telling me what to do in *that* department. She and I both agree I will always be a little girl this way. I have found my confidante..at least for now: my best cousin who is my numbah one fan...when she's online, hehe.

I make weird sounds, especially with my dogs. And I love how big my dogs are (Labrador Retrievers) because I can totally monkey around with them. They LOVE me, just because, and knowing that, I am totally comfy with them, not afraid to do whatever with them. Sometimes, I wish life were this easy.

****
When do you get to know a person? Sometimes I wish it were faster, but then I guess that wouldn't be fun, right? And not as worthwhile?

****
Met with a friend, who told me I look the same: still look pretty good, and my eyes...are awesome. It was good to see him, but he also said something in me has..hardened, and again I say it: I have grown away from this world, this place. As much as I still have issues sometimes feeling special and worthy enough, I have grown...stronger, tougher, more independent. So Lord help me make it work in Houston.

Plan Z

2008-05-14T05:08:00.000-05:00

Let's start over, shall we? I want to think it's possible, and it IS, to start anew, a clean slate, the past erased. Let's try it, once more. And if fear erupts, so be it, if rejection arrives, it is not my fault, nor someone else's, but perhaps a past fear, a personal hell. It all must boil down to truth and love, and ah yes forgiveness. To forgive myself and forgive others. I'm not bad, nor are you. It was my reaction, your reaction to a situation. Nor will I be bad in future, or if I think I am, to step back, and say it's ok. It's going to be ok. The future is the future; what is here now is the present: live it, love it, enjoy it. The future is just, if not more, impulsive than her sister Present. She can thus be dealt with later.
What about love? Love is masked by the stronger Fear. The what ifs, the maybes and maybe NOTs, rejection, NO. But then so what? I must know and constantly tell myself it's not my fault, nor is it theirs. It's maybe the wrong person, the wrong time, or perhaps again personal hell. What if I want to say the L-word, LOVE, but then FEAR comes in to block it? Banish fear. If love is rejected, so be it; love must never come from someone or something else but from WITHIN. So yes SAY IT.
What about truth? Truth must be the basis, along with love. Because when the truth hurts, love is there to take the sting away, and say it's going to be ok.
So a clean slate is in order. And whatever happens, happens: it's going to be OK. Just don't give up. No saying uncle. The fat lady isn't even up yet. It ain't over 'til you (I) say it is. And then what? Always, always start fresh.

He is the Cheese to my Macaroni

2008-05-13T22:45:00.006-05:00

Juno MacGuff: As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni. And, I know that people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but... I guess normalcy isn't really our style.

Rollo: So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?
Juno MacGuff: I don't know. It's not seasoned yet. [...]There it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy.
[shakes pregnancy tester]
Rollo: That ain't no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, Homeskillet.

Punk Receptionist: Would you like a free condom? They're boysenberry.
Juno MacGuff: No, thanks. I'm off sex right now.
Punk Receptionist: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse, it makes his junk smell like pie.

Leah: I wish my funbags would get bigger.
Juno MacGuff: Trust me, you don't. I actually have to wear a bra now and I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode.
Leah: Hot!

Juno MacGuff: [...]I just need to know if it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever, or at least for a few years.
Mac MacGuff: It's not easy, that's for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I'm proud to say that we're very happy. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Juno MacGuff: And Bleeker is actually great... in chair.

Paulie Bleeker: Like I'd marry you! You'd be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then 'The Blair Witch Project' was coming on Starz and you were like 'I haven't seen this since it came out and if so we should watch it' and 'but oh, no, we should just make out instead la la la'

Juno MacGuff: Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term "sexually active." What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?

Spazzing Up A Storm

2008-05-12T03:08:00.007-05:00

Been having weird, weird dreams lately. What more the ones I can't remember? And holy crap, they felt so real, too.

1) I dreamt I lost a pillow. The pillow. I left it someplace and was careless. And I needed that pillow. And had no way of getting it back for some reason. Holy crap.

2) I was in Shangri-La Mall with my parents, the top floor, and for some reason we were seated, when who do I see coming but Jem. In bermuda-like khaki shorts and a striped shirt. Bounding up to me, then hugging me, and my parents cool with it. Wow.

3) this guy in the studio who comes up with scissors and says what a great job the desk person (he meant Mauri, for some reason in my dream) was doing, and then how he wanted to personally thank her. But she wasn't there, then he had this crazy gleam in his eyes, and I went under the table to avoid him?! then him coming to me regardless with said scissors to cut something--maybe some hair--from me. Creepy.

So yeah. Not only that but Dad says I gained weight, like MASSIVE amounts. I checked the scale and it's the same. So wtf? It's depressing and discouraging to hear day in and day out, to say the least. So my bra size went up one notch. Maybe my shoulders got a bit bigger carrying groceries. Heck if I know! And yes, I went low-carb. But others have been telling me how much better I look. Well now my Dad has cast the shadow of doubt upon that. Crap now I feel huge. :( I know I should do more cardio, but...! Give me time. I'm trying. And he says I eat too much. Well, maybe compared to a 49-year old diabetic, and to someone whose food is always cooked for him, and prepared to his liking, whenever he wants it. Well maybe YEAH. And when I would hardly eat when I was in high school just because, he told me I was too thin, if I had a problem, that I was weird and needed to eat normal. Oh-KAY. I do want to lose weight, don't get me wrong, but dude, don't be so discouraging and rub it in my face at the same time. And I will eat when I want to, and what I want, especially 'coz I'm, I don't know, on VACATION???

Going to Donsol this weekend. I am so excited. I've always wanted to see the whale sharks, but I never really thought I would go and do it, yet here I am. I also never thought I'd learn how to surf, then I found myself asking my cousin to bring me along for a lesson. And I did. I *almost* stood up: I just need to center myself, is all. I want to do it again. Dang. These are things I seriously thought I'd never do. Next, who knows: maybe ask Jess about skiing, something I never thought I'd want to try again, but maybe never say never. It seems the curious and fearless part of my spirit is slowly awakening. For my lolo's 40th death-day, I was asked to sing--then speak about him after. And I did. The singing was a bit wobbly, but the speaking part went smoothly, even pretty well, if I may say so. And I never would have done it if I haven't been speaking in front of sometimes 70+ people for 90 minutes for what, 8 months now. So maybe because of the yoga? I guess Bikram yoga is truly miraculous, and works on what needs to be worked on. And so it is. Of course, it does help to have had some measure of independence, as well as fine people backing me up along the way. :)

Finally got Neverwinter Nights 2 to work--on my dad's computer, oh well. Heh. That's fine. It takes time and effort to play a game; I've forgotten how much. Wow. Best to catch up on reading, and hopefully this weekend, deepen my tan ;) Oh and haircut tomorrow: we'll see how that goes. Then to teach Wednesday: I should only hope for the best. Now to eat, nap or read? That is the question.

Dreams for Plans

2008-04-28T00:28:00.016-05:00

A friend told me to think about stuff long term, including partner, job, etc. So far, I've smoothed things out with said partner, who is ever so awesome and understanding and downright sweet, even in the middle of me PMS'ing and bitching and being a mass of insecurity. As for my job, I love it, but have been beginning to lose steam from the long demanding hours and little pay. Like what a colleague/friend said, it's just a job and not a career; the same thing applies to mine. I am seriously thinking of, once learning how to drive and moving out, of applying for internships in Houston, either in PR or Publishing. 'Coz I like to write, and have a degree in Communications, and a minor in Literature. Plus a 9-5 job will have benefits (moreso) and will most definitely pay more. And being a yoga teacher just ain't cutting it at the end of the month. Man I hate scrimping from day to day now, especially when something had struck my fancy and I have to worry til the next paycheck, and sometimes even after that. And I want to live here and succeed, not move back "home." Besides, I have no intention of running a studio: I want to just continue teaching, so for now that will have to mean part time teaching, and another job in the meantime: a better paying one. The only challenge I see right now is I have a non-US degree; hopefully I can hurdle this with an internship. And maybe a crash course in Web Design? Plans, plans. Hopefully I can do this by the end of the year. My aunt said, though, that the hardest job is the first, and even if I don't know how to drive yet to look, NOW, no more procrastinating, even if I have to take a cab to work, and even if the first job is not what I *want*-want. Yikes, but I guess if that's what it takes...? Ok, now to get my suits and nice blouses and shoes from Manila...

One thing still going for me, I guess, is that I'm only 23 (almost 24) and am still relatively young. Won't be forever, though, so gotta get moving. I remember what my boss told me to think about back when I first got here and was freaking out and being all scared: Where do I see myself 3 years from now? I don't know: teaching yoga full-time was it, but now is not so, anymore. Living in the US, though, is still the desire. So gotta make it work.

Aside from Bikram yoga, I'm also starting to like climbing. And hiking. Crap I want to do them again. And I want to get gear. Double, triple crap.

And advanced yoga classes, now that I was taught full camel and pigeon. I need to do that at least once. And finally ease my mind about taking class before teaching; gotta learn if I want to have a regular practice. Then maybe I can also get out of this munchy funk and lose weight again. Dammit.

April to Spring

2008-04-09T12:16:00.006-05:00

It's April already. God, how time flies. Honestly, I had no idea that when you are immersed in work, in living, everything else gets blurred along the way...or can be blurred, unless you make a conscious effort for it not to.

So basically, it's been work, work, work. I love my job. And it's more than a job, after a while. It's my vocation, my profession. It also helps that we are required to practice in the hot room, as well. There are days harder than others, and more exhilarating, but I guess that's just how life is, in general, with highs and lows, so you can differentiate between, and appreciate, each one.

The weather has also changed drastically, at least here in Houston: from 40-50 at night, to 60, now to 70-75 (Fahrenheit). I went out last night to help a colleague, and I remarked at the change in temperature. Of course, that also translates to the hot room, so it's been really humid. And it can only get more humid, and hotter, not of our doing, but according to Mother Nature's (and global warming's) whims. Woo-hoo, this will be interesting.

My lolo (Mom's dad) passed away last March 28 (Philippine time; March 27, Central Time). Eerily, I had had a nightmare of him dying that morning, and waking up to hear he wasn't doing well was just a bad joke turned wrong. I went into a panic, asking my boss if I could leave, but with stuff going on in the studio and now being a full-time teacher teaching bigger classes, she couldn't afford to let me go. So I stayed, much to my parents' dismay, something to which they are still reproaching me for. How I see it is, if you tried, and couldn't, leave it at that. However young I am, I have lived long enough to understand that. I wish they understood that, too. They have such high expectations, especially on those closer to them, not knowing that those selfsame expectations can drive those people away, like me. And now I have to be home for my granddad's 40th day. Fine, even if that cuts earlier into my work week, removing my days off, but I draw the line when it cuts into an actual work week, where to make it work, I will have to move three teachers, some on their day off, and my schedule becoming an utter mess, of course. Heck, if I found a flight online, why can't the travel agent do so? So no more, especially not when my mother is screaming at me from across the world, laying the guilt, now the silent treatment. No more, after 24 years of it. And the silence? It's great: no more asking me where I am when I'm out with friends and don't have to work 'til 6 the next evening. Nor will you know I will be moving outside of the studio until I have done so (if ever, which hopefully will be a yes, around the Fall). Money will be tighter, but that is my business, and it's a part of growing up: I've gotta deal with it sometime. Crap's been falling the truckload this month, too: Two (or one, as the other is on hiatus) senior full-time teachers are leaving by the end of the month to pursue a well-paying job teaching English overseas, and our boss (director) is not willing to let them go, but to get the job, they have to leave by the end of the month, hence the tension. This, and other personality clashes sometimes (i.e. yoga drama), so not a pretty scenario right now in the studio.

Also did a driver's permit test last Saturday: got a 95 (unbelievably easy?!) Pretty soon, I will learn how to drive (fingers crossed)! :-) Also did my taxes (W-2) for the 1st time, and got my voter's registration. Can't wait. I just tried these two new protein powders for breakfast today...needless to say, I am switching back to my old one when I get the chance. Ok, fixin' now to deposit some money, get my nails done, before teaching this afternoon. Gotta get.

Ides o' March

2008-03-16T10:31:00.008-05:00

Another month has come and gone. The last time I posted was February. I dunno, it just gets tiring to work and write-write, which I really need to do, incidentally. So. Where was I? Ah, March. A lot of stuff has happened. I continuously try to improve and fine tune how I eat, supplement, etc, and I think I'm getting better. I have diabetes and heart disease on both sides of the gene pool, and just this year, my dad discovered he has diabetes (on top of heart disease). So um, where does that leave me?! I've been trying to eliminate sugar just a little over two weeks now. I slip up occasionally with alcohol, or beans, especially when I am out with friends, but aside from those times, I think I've been doing well. I've cut juice, most starches and grains from my diet and noticed a more even energy: no more crashes! Super sweet. I also changed my skin regimen to more natural stuff, and as a result my skin tone got weird for a while, but with the aid (push?) of a little facial/microdermabrasion, it's getting a whole lot better. And remind me: no touching! Argh. Such a bad habit; I also do it unconsciously, and in that hot room? Ick.

Teaching's been getting better and better. For the first time, I took a class, then taught immediately after: I looked just as sweaty as everyone else! Too funny. That said, I was able to teach the class pretty well, but will I want to do it again if I have to? No; I really prefer taking class after I teach; that way, I know I can totally "kill" myself in the hot room.

Looking at further studies online. Maybe, maybe. Had Mom and Dad mail me my transcripts already, and a FAFSA on their end. Aha.

A friend also introduced me to her daughter's friend, and hopefully I can say this safely: we are hitting it off. So fun to talk to him. He is into anime and traveling and languages, like me. Has watched too many musicals, and hates them. Smart cookie. Opinionated. I love it. And he introduced me to Pulp Fiction. Even better. Going out again today, probably to rock climb, and more. Kinda excited, but I hope this is going well.

Now to work on budgeting *sigh* And driving! Dangit.

February, Φεβρουάριος, 2 月, febrero, fevrier, febrraio, febrar, whatever.

2008-02-14T10:40:00.007-06:00

It's been a long time since I've written (Heath Ledger died!); things have just been sooooo busy! It's almost unbelievable, actually. I still have some time before I teach, so I figured now would be a good time to un-procrastinate and actually write!

I last wrote-wrote before I left Houston. And now I'm back in Houston, with a month plus-plus in between as writing hiatus. It is hard to get an act once it is put off; it is no longer habit, you see. So on this day of hearts, I have chosen to write--to send love not to one but to all who have shown me love, in various forms.

Before anything else, big news (but since last year): I am no longer vegan. My colleagues know this, and so do my parents, but I am saying it now. I am sure my parents are relieved and happy, but I credit it to teaching Bikram yoga. Honestly? Bikram is absolutely correct: this yoga is not for vegetarians. Maybe I just wasn't doing veganism right, but it gets too hard after a while, plus with living on your own. I need protein when I am up in that stage and telling people what to do with energy, assertion and a happy, smiling face! Also, to remember and assimilate the dialog? Vegetables just don't cut it. And carbs in the morning before class? Flatulence city, so no thank you. Protein--in the form of whey (thanks, Lynn!), fish, and the occasional fowl, have helped me improve--and continue improving--exponentially. Plus it cut the snacking and junk food out, so there you go. As to the rest of veganism, sorry, but I detest insects; I avoid killing them, but I will use repellent if necessary. Leather is still an issue with me, as is silk to a lesser degree, but I'm ok with wool, as long as it was done humanely (no mulesing). Gasoline and jet fuel is necessary, too: can't avoid that. I am still open to veganism, but at this point in time, it just takes too much time and effort. So maybe someday in the future...

What really bites about going back home--to the Philippines (because Houston is home too but different)--is the travel time. And leaving during the holidays is pure, utter CHAOS, to put it mildly. An hour-long delay in San Francisco cost me my connecting flight to Hong Kong and I had to stay the night in the airport hotel, after hours of running around looking for someone to help me get a flight to Manila. But all's well that ends well: through pleading, prayer, and what-have-you, I got on a plane to Manila the next day. However, that experience kind of put me off holiday traveling, especially Christmas, so I don't even want to think about this year's holidays! But anyway. I'm back, in Houston. And believe it or not, I am only getting back into the groove of things. My first class back was awkward, but it's gotten better, especially when I am a student in another class, myself. I am grateful for how pure the yoga is taught here, enhancing my own classes; things aren't as great elsewhere (I should know). Hopefully, I'm back to stay.

I told this to Joani, but I love Houston: I love the pace, the people, the immense possibilities that can be had, right here. There is that saying, "Everything's big in Texas," and it is the immenseness of possibility, of people's hearts, I think, in this warm Southern state that make it big. I especially like the neighborhood I'm in: right near downtown (though I've never really been there except this one night to listen to a band with Ana), near Rice U, with funky shops around (Gamestop, Whole Earth, and Teahouse tapioca included!), and Wholefoods a good walk away--enough to look around and reflect. Having Whole Foods nearby is spoiling me to only look for fresh, organic produce! But I guess that's best for the long run: we're talking about our bodies, after all. OK, so the weather can be a bit nuts (going from a pleasant 70 Fahrenheit to a miserable 45 in hours, if not minutes), but it's a part of this state's identity. At least gas is a bit cheaper, and taxes aren't as astronomical as California's. But...I don't know: there is a "6th sense," a sort of radar one has if a place, a situation "feels" right, or wrong. Ever since I've started traveling on my own, and especially now, living on my own, I have come to rely on it and not discount it. There are certain places that have a weird feel, and I avoid that place if on my own, and there are places that just give a warm vibe, and I am at ease. The place I'm in...is great, and Houston itself, even with its immensity, matches itself with a big heart, so far from what I've seen and felt, however kooky that may sound. And I like it here. A lot. Not to mention I work in a good place, surrounded by good people. The yoga is taught the way it should be; people are (mostly) oh so kind and supportive. As I told a colleague, why mess with something good? It's been harder on my parents having me so far away (my boss knows what I'm talking about!), and there were tears on both sides when it became apparent I wanted a life away from the home I grew up in, but there was some reluctant acceptance. Besides, I wouldn't have decided so if the situation weren't good. But it is. Things are still a bit rough around the edges--growing always is (if it's not, something will present itself later on, so better earlier than later, I think), but I am blessed with supportive parents and great colleagues who treat me like family, thank the gods. Armed with these, I can only grow onward and upward :-) Next up, to learn how to drive. Especially in Houston, this is an essential skill! Then maybe we'll see about web design and holistic nutrition in the future. My parents are all for it, and I told them not to buy me any more stuff: an education is one of the most important gifts; I am glad my parents think so, too.

And because Ralph tagged me: "List 10 things that make you happy"

1. backbends
2. music, music, music.
3. walking, wandering, however you call it.
4. browsing/shopping
5. taking my time
6. engaging in happy conversation
7. dogs (and of course puppies!)
8. order and neatness
9. flowers
10. efficiency

Y'all can create your own list of 10 that make you happy, then tell me :-)

From Houston with love,
Therese (Trissa)

Closing Cycles

2008-01-03T21:22:00.000-06:00

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Closing Cycles
by Paulo Coelho
Saturday, May 13, 2006.

Stuff.

2007-12-16T18:47:00.000-06:00

Mailed my extra books already to my aunt. We were talking about achy stuff during cold weather, and my right knee hurts sometimes when it's cold, and now, it's 30-40 Fahrenheit (about 5 Centigrade) here :-s OhmyGOD. I should've bought a pair of gloves and a hat, but by that time, coming from Wholefoods, I wanted to look at the ones in Whole Earth, but I wasn't feeling well anymore: I had eaten a sausage patty (gasp!) with a Belgian waffle and some whipped butter and some eggs (with salt and tomato ketchup, of course) for lunch, with some fresh OJ and a slice of lemon meringue pie (ok, just the crust and the lemon jello: the meringue was soft and sickly sweet) and I got a case of the runs. I didn't have milk, so it couldn't be that. My friend Angie thinks it's the pork; I was feeling the need for something more solid, so I ate the sausage patty: boy am I still regretting it now. Just fish and eggs and tofu, I guess. Oh, man. Speaking of food, my aunt went to this chi-chi place that had uniformed wait staff and a piano playing, $42 a head, she said. Yikes. There was caviar, but she said it wasn't anything special for her. And I quote: "They have Caviar. I don't understand what the big deal is about those little round things. Nothing that I can think of. Tasted it and then next......They had rock crabs, shrimp, freshly made sushi, salmon, lobster in little cups with something mixed in it, salad galore, grilled portobello mushroom, onions and eggplant, mussels, oysters , omelet bar and so many things." Whoo, sounds good! But different strokes for different folks, I guess. Speaking of portobello mushroom, I bought some today at Wholefoods with goat cheese and sundried tomatoes. Also got creamed garlic spinach, and crab cakes, with thousand-island dressing sauce on the side, I think: not sure. Sounds good, huh??? :-)

I was looking at spending Easter (vacation #3) with my aunt: was figuring 5 days would be good: maybe March 17-21, Holy Monday to Good Friday, or Monday to Saturday, 17-22? Whatever. And this time I'm getting a direct flight! Man: switching planes is taxing! :-/ Plus she won't be going back to work yet, so we can paint the town red ;)

I was thinking of what my parents were telling me about people wanting to take a class under me, and I thought of space heaters: I need to get some: I can't teach a cold class, it's not allowed, especially beginning students. And maybe a little air purifier so the room won't smell of sweat: that's what Pye does in her little studio-room. Was looking at Honeywell, at this baby, at Livingincomfort.com, and at EdenPure. Need need need these.

******************************
Had a weird dream in which I was friends with the Dalai Lama and we were riding up and down this hospital elevator, and I questioned him about the Tibetan religion and why death is such a big part of it and he said I was...not insulting...superceding...something like disrespecting, the core essence of their religion, their reason for being, and he shut me out of the elevator?! Then the dream shifted and in flashback it turned out I had a daughter at a very young age, and life was hard for me (still set in the same hospital), and supposedly my parents disapproved and were unsupportive. And I was constantly trying to make ends meet, running away from my evil lecherous boss. Then I woke up. Weird. By the way, my daughter's name was Sophie/Sofie, I made sure of that. And I remembered thinking the day before that I would want to name a daughter that if I ever had one. So weird.

And NWN 2 is coming to the Mac!!! Woot!

In any case, I'm tired: taking class was good for my (sinus) headache, but my nose is still dripping. So I should get some rest. 4 more days!!!!

Almost Christmas

2007-12-15T12:16:00.000-06:00

As I have grown older, I have come to be more and more jaded about Christmas with each passing year. Too much commercial hype, less centering on what I always felt was more important: family, and to a certain extent, friends.

Well, this Christmas may be different. This Christmas, I am traveling halfway across the world to be with my parents this Christmas, and that...that just puts a different spin on things. It makes the world crazy, but right again. As Bikram says, the right way is always the hard way. 6 more days, and I will be going home for the holidays. Home, where it is warm, familiar, where I can be waited on hand and foot. I used to deplore that, hate that, but for a little break, it can be nice to have someone else cook and clean and launder, and not worry about it all.

Last week had me teaching 12 classes. Holy cow. 12. And of those 12, I taught two triples (three classes in one day). It was a crazy week. Crazy because people were getting sick but good because people who were ok (touch wood) were able to pick up and make it work. And I was one of those people. Yey! This week's teaching schedule of 8 classes has ended for me and I can now rest easy: Sundays are my day off, as per my request, which was duly honored, for which I am grateful for.

I'm almost fully-packed, have 5 more classes to teach...and I'll be on my way home for a little two-week break. A BREAK. And I mean it: hopefully I can be lazy and grow moss or something. Or maybe teach a few classes, take a few classes; we'll see. For now, I've gotta mail Ninang Noli my extra books, try to squeeze in some yoga, get my pre-Christmas massage on Monday, and maybe go out with Beth, check out Lululemon where I heard Bikram yoga teachers have a discount if they present their certificate: can't WAIT.

I just hope I end my last pre-holiday break strong.

A Week in the Life

2007-12-03T00:45:00.000-06:00

18 days to departure (for Christmas and New Year's in tropical Manila)! I taught 10 classes in a week for the first time. It was surprisingly good, but whew am I tired. I taught two 6 am's, which meant I was up by 4:30, to be in front of the desk by 5:30. That night, because I only had late classes the next day, I slept--for 9 hours straight. The next night, I slept for 8 hours. Wow.

Tonight, even after a salmon burger dinner, I still ate A LOT. Seriously. Let's see. One peppermint cup, one peanut butter cup, some peanut butter cereal, a gingerbread man, a fibrey muffin, then a fillet of tilapia and some asparagus. Before this, I was craving sugarsugarsugar; strangely, after this binge, I feel a LOT better--calmer, saner. Does that make sense?! Well, before this, I had some salmon for lunch at the Hobbit Café, then washed it down with a delish Starbucks peppermint mocha frappuccino! Well, it just didn't agree with me. I had the same case the last time when I went to Raven Grill and had a pasta primavera with cheese and salmon. It also had some tomatoes and cheese, just like today's salmon burger had tomatoes and I had a drink with dairy after. Well, today my stomach went on death throes. Man oh man. But I'm better now, obviously! *Makes note to self to avoid tomatoes, caffeine and dairy in the future*

Not using my new computer yet for Internet; will do that once I get it connected to the studio's internet system. But I'm still thinking of what name to christen my new MacBook. Was thinking Tilly.

Apple sent me the wrong keyboard protector, so I am sending it back (thank you, Angelina!). At the same time, I finally rode on the Spiderwick series and You series bandwagons; looks promising. Got them all at least half-off on Amazon. Yey.

Houston is nice, once you get to explore it, like what I did last Thursday after a nice lunch at Raven Grill, a nice semi-upscale resto along Bissonnet, in the search for better water bottles (they say bad quality plastic leak out into water molecules: best is supposedly the Nalgene brand), food that doesn't come from a can (because the parents said so), the perfect yoga top (Prana Sabin Racer in Coral Paisley, thankyouverymuch) and a cold-weather mule. I found everything except the top, which I found the very next day, online, after looking and looking for it in San Diego and their online store. I got these shoes in the eco-store, Whole Earth (no relation to Whole Foods the super-expensive grocery superstore): Merrell Encore Chill, size 9.5 in black. Very snuggly and warm, and with a sole good enough to walk the town with, plus with a waterproof exterior (though I just found out it's pigskin, oh well)! I found Bookstop/Barnes and Noble, too, right next to Whole Earth, and as I said, there's this gorgeous cupcake boutique bakery called Sugarbaby's along the same road (South Shepherd) that I visited on my way back, where I got to taste-test a cupcake! I also saw an independent jewelry shop, and a fresh-foods cafe that had a Greek flair to it (Zoë's). And along Shepherd is also Star Pizza, which serves one of the best pizzas in the US, supposedly. You can order by the slice and even choose your own toppings: it's pretty good.

Then last Friday, I went with a friend across town and we walked another friend's two dogs. He has two dogs, and the younger one that he rescued runs in front of cars, and goes ballistic when she sees other dogs. They wore us out, haha.

So if you are ever in the Houston area and want to hang out with me, bring your walking shoes as I do not drive. We can start on a nice leisurely walk by going to the museum district on bus, maybe even catch a movie nearby, or by straightaway walking along Shepherd and stopping at Star Pizza which supposedly serves one of the best pizzas in the US, then walking along further and stopping at Sugarbaby's, a gorgeous cupcake boutique (closed on Sundays). A few blocks more will find us at Whole Earth, a fantastic eco-store, with a Barnes and Noble next to it. If we walk a bit farther, we reach Westheimer, where there is St. Anne's, a Catholic church (I finally found the way to walk there!). Then on the way back, walking along Kirby (parallel to Shepherd), we can turn in to West Alabama, where the eco-superstore Whole Foods is, and either eat dinner (if we still have space!) there, or Tex Mex at Mission Burritos (where they have fantastic fish tacos corn chips, a tortilla soup, and gigantic build-your-own-burritos!), or eat veg-friendly/macrobiotic at Field of Greens. So yes, I have obviously been walking around, haha. Next mission is to stake out Kroger on Westpark by foot and explore the fantastic eateries around, not to mention Tapioca Express!

It's been fogging up lately, or raining the whole day (additionally making the heat/humidity in the room a true balancing act!). Houston weather is weird like that, but it also is humid, something California isn't, making Houston much kinder on the skin than dry California. I do admit, though, San Diego weather is plain gorgeous...except when it comes to termites. I do not want to have to deal with that, if ever. Yikes.

*Purchase-wise: I am waiting for muh Skinny Jeans (will they really make my legs look skinny?), stuff from Dr. Schulze (long overdue!), the Spiderwick box set and fairy book, the two You manual books, Mom's Rex Ray book from Amazon, and the iSkin from Apple.

Sometimes, sometimes I wish time would slow down. Dang, I wish I could be a kid again and have no worry in the world. Growing up is overrated. But then again, it IS cool, just...a bit too in-your-face sometimes, you know?

And now Christmas looms up ahead. What to give, what to give; that is the question.

Post-Thanksgiving Updates

2007-11-25T19:14:00.000-06:00

Just got into Houston from my little vacation in San Diego. I got to eat too much, sleep as much as I wanted to, play and cuddle with dogs, watch tv and the occasional movie, go to the mall (an outdoor i.e. animal-friendly one), and even try something completely different: I got to ride a motorbike, oh excuse me, a Harley. I've been getting antsy progressively with each day without yoga. No Grey's Anatomy: no time! I'll squeeze in as much viewing time as possible tonight, before having to prepare to teach.

We spent Thanksgiving at my cousin's house. Very nice. Thanksgiving feels like the way Christmas used to feel: sans gifts, just talking and sharing and eating. It was nice. Had cornbread for the first time. Ohmygod YUMMY. Then my cousin Maribel's husband Brent has a HUGE audio-visual system in their basement: it's like being in a theater. And he has a room for a cellar. Seriously.

And yeah, for now, I'm hanging up my vegan coat, though still keeping vestiges. No dairy if possible, for instance, just because my allergies flare up and my stomach gets upset when I ingest dairy; no white rice/bread: brown rice/bread instead; no meat i.e. four-footed/winged animals. But I'm caving in to fish, especially salmon and sardines..and maybe eggs sometimes. No caviar if I can avoid it: too rich. No anchovies, either: not good for my blood type. And of course, tofu will still always have a place in my stomach. Living on my own with no kitchen and having a very small sink leaves much to be desired as a vegan. Too difficult, in the end, denigrating to my being a junkfood vegan, eating more processed food, something I was always against. So veganism will have to wait in the wings for now. Ever since I started ingesting animals again, I felt better, less bloated, clearer, more grounded. I started going vegan to detoxify my body, to bring balance to it. Perhaps this time I need to tip the balance back to include some animal-sourced food. So we'll see how this goes.

Anyway. Where was I. Oh yeah: the bike ride. It's different from riding a car, or walking. When you round a curve, it's like you curve along with the road: you and the bike are one. Plus with the wind in your face, it's a different experience altogether.

Then there will be a Bikram yoga studio opening this winter in Bonita, right next to the post office. It was supposed to open this fall, but I guess there were still things that needed to be done. Seriously, Bikram yoga keeps me sane: it keeps my moods more or less regular: heck, I was even thinking about my dialog while I was on the bike! Ninang Nilo said I should check out employment at the Bonita studio when it opens, but since I've been exposed to Houston, I find I like the Texan pace more. People are a bit more laid back, a lot more gracious, and prices are also a bit cheaper! Plus I've more or less so far found good in Houston: Mike and Joani have only been kind, and they have not let up on encouragement at the same time keeping my nose to the grindstone, dialog-wise, but still giving me space. It's difficult to explain. Plus the work environment seems like a family's, actually, which is a wonderful surprise. Anyway, at this point in time, things can change, hopefully for the better. We'll see how it goes. It still remains that Mike and Joani are senior teachers, and (I feel) THE senior teachers to learn from; I feel so fortunate to be training and working under them. The driving and other forms of income will come later: I acknowledge they are very important, if I want to continue teaching yoga for a living. But at this point in time, I am a teacher, and that is my priority: to teach flawless dialog, with panache, and confidence and verve. Everything else can come after.

Purchase-wise, I'm waiting for Dad's Vilebrequin burgundi paisley okoa shorts, and the last of the 4 Christmas CD's I ordered, to add to the Cafe del Mar CD, Sopranos DVDs, the Qtips, floss and tweezers. For myself, I'm waiting for my Skinny Jeans (I hope they really make my legs look thinner, geez!), an all-purpose vegan cookbook, and...my new MacBook, woohoo! With all the fixin's, of course. I can't wait.

I'm fixin' to go to bed as I'm pretty tuckered out. By the way, do y'all like Boston terriers? I find them absolutely precious li'l things, as seen in the above picture.

Alright, maybe I can still squeeze in some Grey's time...or not. Over and out!

Daylight Saving Ends

2007-11-04T23:26:00.000-06:00

...or ended, today. There's a saying that goes, "Fall back, spring forward." Or something like that, pertaining to DST. So it being fall, we got an extra hour of sleep. Yey! Daylight Saving resumes on March 9, 2008. There's a new law that states: "Beginning in 2007, Daylight Saving Time is extended one month and begins for most of the United States at 2 a.m. on the Second Sunday in March and lasts until 2 a.m. on the First Sunday of November. The new start and stop dates were set in the Energy Policy Act of 2005." From this site.

Have a cold sore, and have had it for about three days now. Or longer, But the past three days have made licking my lips or talking a bit painful. Argh. This site says to avoid arginine-rich foods and encourages lysine. It also says this sore can stay for up to four weeks?! Holy cow. I guess I just need to hydrate more.

I've been enjoying my weekly Bleach anime/manga and Grey's Anatomy. Derek Shepherd is still very, very cute, with his sad expressive eyes. The latest episode of Grey's Anatomy was especially nice when the guy having conscious open-heart surgery(!) was describing his "audience, " likening them to birds as per Izzie's suggestion. Got all fuzzy and sappy. Argh. I am feeling every part of my singlehood. But I figure it best to wait for the right person to come along, my very own Mr. Darcy. I've been debating about this for a while now, and I figure that financial stability, familial support, little to no complications, i.e. a stable future, is better than passion, and crazy-powerful emotions, instant gratification, i.e. the here and now: that can come later (and hopefully will!). So I figure I'll suck up my hormones and crazy emotions (angst, weird loneliness, over-introspection) and just bide my time. [Besides, if I make an effort to make contact and don't get anything in response, I guess that says something, ne?]

Retail-wise, I got some facial products from Mario Badescu which I hear is really good. I also got literature for type A in the Blood Type Diet: we'll see how that goes. Then just got my Yoga Toes, and tried them on. They act like braces for teeth, only they're for the feet. That's how they feel, at least. Then got the first season of I Love Lucy. Watched the first two episodes: ohmyGod so funny: Mom wasn't kidding. Ricky Rickardo and Lucy Rickardo. Ooh! I forgot to mention a gift Stefan and Mercy (fellow teachers) gave me over the weekend: an actual Shit List! It's hilarious: there's a portion of it that says "Plan of Attack: Confront/Ignore/Stew/Avenge/Talk Shit" Too cute! [Story: Someone had said, "That person's on my list." And I said, "What list?" And person referred to The Shit List, and I was still clueless!]

For future ka-chings, I'm looking at Skinny Jeans, this brand that promises to "scoop out thighs, lengthen legs, tuck in (the) tummy, and shape out (the) butt." Sounds good to me! Of course, I am super excited to order the MacBook for Christmas, oh man. Then gotta get some Christmas music for Mom & Dad, as well as real good tweezers, Q-tips, and dental floss. Mustn't forget those. Lately, I told Mom about these yummy, tart-tasting beans from Wholefoods, and the ingredients are: gigande beans, canola oil, olive oil, lemon juice, parsley, garlic, thyme, salt, and pepper. Delish. Maybe we can try making them during the holidays. And speaking of holidays, 18 days to Thanksgiving, 18 days to the end of my first 60-day challenge, 18 days to a little vacation to San Diego with Ninang Nilo! Exciting!

Teaching-wise, the week went off to a rocky start: I taught the Monday 12 nn and 4:30 pm. The 4:30 was a pretty big class and I was not able to manage the class, stumbling on my words and at times saying the wrong thing. I was so bummed out about it as this hadn't happened to me in a while, and I told Mike so, and then we figured I was doing too many things too soon. First of all, I do not correct yet, instead focusing on the dialog: that should be able to correct most people. Next, I should NOT leave the stage (except to check the count): in Mike's words, "You are nailed to that stage." Then of course, to constantly improve my dialog mastery, some ways being to take teachers with strong dialog, and to tape my classes, reviewing them after.

Prior to this, however, I had not been sleeping well, getting really exhausted and dropping off to bed right away, say 11 pm, only to wake up around 3 or 4 am to do laundry, fold towels, shower, brush my teeth, remove my contact lenses, that sort of thing. Only then would I go back to bed, and of course I'd wake up again exhausted, over and over again. On the 5th night/6th day (Tuesday, coincidentally the day after I had that bad 4:30 class), I woke up and decided to stay up. And I was wide awake: I helped Mike out with his 6 am class, and then retreated to the lounge to practice my dialog, have some breakfast. Somewhere in between though, I started getting sleepy, and told myself, "what's the harm in having a little nap?" I set an alarm, and that was that. Next thing I knew, Mike was pounding on my door, and when I opened it at 8 am, asked if I was teaching the 8 am. I was still too befuddled to think straight, but I changed into yoga clothes right away, and went out. Mike asked me if I was ready to teach class, but it was pretty obvious I wasn't, and he was furious (in his words, "very upset, dammit"), justifiably so. [Story: he had thought I was awake as I was awake for the 6 am so he and Annemarie didn't bother checking up on me 'til it was about 7:58. As for me, I didn't hear my alarm, and where I usually set 3, this time I set 1. Oops.] It took a while to sink in, but when it did, I was shaken to the core. This was my worst nightmare come to life. I called Joani, Roy, Stefan, and Andrea, telling them what happened, too distraught to say anything else. Then I buckled down by the desk and studied dialog. After, I was set to teach my (supposed) 2nd class, and I couldn't even bring myself to look at Mike in the hallway, much less speak to him. That class I stayed on the stage, and stuck to the dialog. And I taught a good class (Stefan took it and told me so, though he said I should beef up my floor postures): I hardly stuttered, if at all, even giving a good introduction. Afterwards, I got messages of assurance from Roy and Joani, [Joani] telling me that everyone has missed a class at one point or another, so to not be too hard on myself. Plus it was the day before Mike was leaving for teacher training, so that must have also put some pressure. Also, that we should set up an appointment for me with Jie Bo, the resident acupuncturist. Afterwards, Joyce (Joani's sister, also a fellow teacher and the assistant director at Fountain View) came over and reassured me, too (Roy told her). She also gave me candy from Lala from Mexico. They're milky, caramelly, like pastillas de leche from Manila. Yum. Might just bring the rest for Mom. Incidentally, Mike came by, too, but I was still too scared to approach him since the morning's faux pas. Andrea and I were emailing the whole time, and she was telling me to call him to apologize, because I wanted to apologize; I was just too scared to. Instead, I emailed him. I told Jack about it, too. I was writing the email down to give to Mike (that's as close as I could get) when Mike came in and went up to me. That was all I needed: if he was willing, so was I. I said sorry, and he said he knew I didn't intend to do that (faux pas), and we hugged, and I cried a bit (He said, "you've got something in your eye" and hugged me. Aw.). Good ending from a bad start.

That night, I followed Andrea's suggestions to stay in bed, and keep a straight sleep cycle. It was a bit tough to break the bad habit of sleeping and waking up and sleeping again, but I did it, and it made a big difference. That plus staying on the stage, etc: the rest of my classes were a LOT better. Incidentally, on Thursday, I taught a 6 am & 8 am class. 6 am classes, Mike told me, require a lot of energy. My previous 6 am's were not that good, hence him picking it back up for me. So this was my 1st one without him in a while. And to my surprise and delight, it went fine. Even better, a student (Mike W) told me after that that was the first class where he did ALL postures! How cool is that. :)

This weekend was a lazy, 3-day break. I could've done more. No bike rides, just the Internet, and the bed, and a Thai dinner on the side (with Andrea, Ben, and Annemarie). Oh well. Maybe next time. I actually really should. But we'll see. That bike looks scary. Oh well. 'Til next time.

Not-so groundhog days

2007-10-27T02:49:00.000-05:00

Been teaching, as usual. Energy has been getting better. Teachers/friends who haven't taken my class in a while took it again and said I've majorly improved. Well, hopefully I can just improve more. Dr. Schulze's Superfood is beneficial, plus that session with Yamini (the Indian lady who does SRT: Soul Response Therapy) was good, and put some things into perspective, as well as gives me stuff to work on. And it was on Mike and Joani, which was even better. They said it's their gift to me, how sweet. Do you know, if I teach here a year, I can teach a private class, which goes for $100???? Same time, 90 minutes, but instead of $40 a class, it becomes $100--just for a private class, though. But still! Which reminds me to look up writing opportunities: gotta build up a portfolio first before anything else.

It's been getting colder here. I had thought Texas would stay warm, as I read that it's consistently warm here, in the 70s. Wrong. It gets to the 50s here, and since the building is made of brick (I think), it can sometimes be colder inside than outside. I find that bizarre. I'm so glad I went to the Galleria on Thursday and bought at Victoria's Secret and Gap. I got more loungey, fun clothes at Victoria's Secret (2 fleece hoodies-1 red, 1 grey with stars; 3 fleece pants in 3 different styles-1 navy, 1 Pepto Bismol pink, and 1 dark grey; and 1 cuuute cherry-pajama set that I can use around the studio), and more going-out clothes at the Gap (1 black wool pullover-dress with button-up turtleneck option; 1 water-resistant parka w/removable hoodie; 2 longsleeved shirts on sale-1 navy, 1 black; and 1 dark grey poncho with pockets!) I hear it can go down to 40. With these clothes, I'll be ok. A nice plus to going to the Galleria is I learned to take the bus, which is easier than the route the bus company gave when I called. Should use the bus tomorrow as I can't always rely on other people to bring me around. Might do that for groceries, too: easier than trying to go to the Farmer's Market open only 'til noon. We'll see; I teach the last class tomorrow evening, so I dunno yet. One nice thing about this weather is it's fixing my skin again: the heat made it break out a little, which the cold is now drying up.

Had a massage with Inga, the resident RMT (registered massage therapist) yesterday, on my day off yesterday. Fantastic. There's something about registered masseuses working the body. She didn't seem to be kneading me to a pulp; it was great. She told me something about (dry) body brushing, which she says is good for balancing hormones out. Then she played this CD just of waves. I borrowed it and downloaded it to my iTunes. I love the sound of waves. Afterwards, we had the meeting, wherein afterwards we were given $10 (for the hour we spent in the meeting: very nice of Mike and Joani to do). Then Ben (Andrea's fiance) and I went to the Mac OS Leopard launch at the Galleria, which I noted is actually pretty close to Intercon (BUT the traffic is horrendous!). We didn't get the free t-shirts anymore, oh well. Still, it looks really nice. Being in an Apple store is like being in a candy shop. It's like I want to try everything! I looked at the new iPods, and they look really nice (I liked the red in particular), but I read reviews that say the previous iPods worked better. Ben was telling me to get the white MacBook instead of the black because he said white is the distinctive color of Apple, but Andrea said to get the black. If white had that extra memory that the black does, I would've as I also like the white more, but it doesn't, so no go. I am pretty excited to order the MacBook, maybe by the 1st week of December?

Then Andrea, Ben and I went to the almost-all-vegan restaurant called Field of Green's last night on West Alabama. Man oh man; I got my vegan-fake-meat fix right there. They have very good vegetarian food: I like these vegan fish tacos that taste like that fake crab meat in sushi, with seaweed. Then I also recently tried a fake-chicken mushroom with portabello: YUM. They have this vegan chocolate cake that is absolutely SUPERB (I tried the chocolate tofu pie; I like the cake more) The owner's this Chinese woman from Shenzhen. Very nice. I also ordered some vegan food online recently: Tings, these chips with nutritional yeast; vegan gummi bears, a new vegan Snickers-like candy bar; and Liz Lovely Cowgirl cookies, the best vegan chocolate chip cookies that taste like cookie dough: again, YUM. I also recently ordered these yoga toe separators that should help with my bunion. Will see how that goes; maybe it will give me straight feet in the future. I love being able to do that here through the internet, and it arriving safe and sound (touch wood) to me.

Just finished watching Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy online--for free! It's my weekly fix, aside from the anime Bleach ;) Tomorrow, I might hang out at that bookstore (Brazos) again across the street. I got a really nice book there, called Labyrinth by Kate Mosse. I've been doing too much to stop and read it, but it sounds pretty good so far: it's a story set in France on the Holy Grail; Steve Berry of "The Templar Legacy" wrote a review at the back. It's really nice here. I like that there are shelters where you can put dogs/cats in or even adopt them from there, where a big advocacy on neutering and spaying is in place (so as to avoid unnecessary strays, etc). The people here are pretty laid back, as compared to the East Coast, and even to California. The mail system is fantastic, there are restaurants I know to go to (one of which is Mission Burritos, a Tex-Mex, veg-friendly place serving delicious tortilla chips and an awesome sangria-margarita frozen swirl: YUM--only on my days off, though!). The only thing here is that people drive a bit crazy, as Andrea puts it. But it's still pretty nice, nonetheless. It's a good city to settle in, I think. It does help that the South Blvd. studio is in a relatively nicer (and safer, albeit pricier) part of town. But we'll see: it's only been a bit over a month.

So I basically, teach...and teach, and that's my life here. Well, ok, add some laundry to the mix, and a freaky student every now and then, but eclipsed by supportive directors, colleagues, even students. Even Rosa, the cleaning lady, and I converse in Spanish: she teaches me a phrase or two sometimes: I'm glad of having studied a while in Salamanca! So yeah, it's been nice. I woke up to brush my teeth, remove my contacts and do the laundry. Now I'm going back to bed. So g'night!

Coming Chill

2007-10-23T19:30:00.000-05:00

So happy: we were just given a form for direct deposit for paychecks into any bank, which makes it so much easier for me: I don't have to walk to the bank anymore to deposit my check. I straightaway submitted my form to my director (Mike). Hopefully, should have more money saved by Christmas. Speaking of which, I'm thinking of buying a MacBook this Christmas; I'm also really excited about the new operating system, the (Mac OS) Leopard, coming out this Friday. So excited and curious about that.

Anyway, it's been getting cold here--the temperature's dropped to the 50s, and I did not bring warm enough clothes for this chill (Thin yoga shorts just won't cut it)! So I think I'll go look around Gap, maybe, if they have warm clothes. Or wherever nearby (and not so expensive!) on my day off. We'll see. This temperature change has also just been messing with my energy levels, ugh. To my chagrin, I wake up tired, I'm struggling again to teach, and even my yoga practice has been suffering: I feel like I die a million deaths in the hot room. Oh well. But Mike told me something sweet this evening: "I'm sure you've been told this so many times, but your backbend is just beautiful; it's amazing." Aw. :)

Mike's teaching the 6 am tomorrow, thank GOD; I teach the 8 am, then have to call Yamini for a "space clearing" appointment at 10:30 (am). Teaching the 10 am & 12 nn on Thursday, and then my day off on Friday, right in time for that (discounted!) massage. Counting the days...

Rosy Day

2007-10-20T16:44:00.000-05:00

Reason Why, Rachael Yamagata

My deep secret:
Until there is this ache in the pit of my belly
until my body quakes to its very core
I still reach out to you

and yet,

and yet.

are you already gone?
Are we too far gone?

I thought we were.

Are we really?
Should we, do we have to (be)?*

*Ignore me--I'm just getting sentimental.
******************************
Two days ago, something...odd? happened. I was set to teach at 10 am and 12 noon, so when I woke up at 7:15, I was pretty complacent. I puttered around, helping out at the front desk. The next class was at 8 am, and when by 7:45 the teacher who had switched with the original teacher set to teach hadn't arrived yet, I told the front desk person (Jack), and he called the teacher. Meanwhile, my director (Mike) wasn't pleased at what was happening, firstly because he wasn't informed of the switch, and which exactly led to the hullaballoo that was happening. It turned out that said teacher's alarm didn't go off, so Mike just said he'll teach class. Uh-oh. Then he turned to me, and said, "On second thought, can you teach it for me instead? You'd be doing me a huge favor, but if you can't, I can still teach it." What to do but say yes? And just like that, the humongous headache I had woken up with disappeared. With 15 minutes to go before class, no breakfast, no preparation whatsoever, ergo no time to get nervous(!), I went in there to teach. And I taught. And surprisingly, it went fine. WHOA?! My voice was a bit low and hoarse at times, but other than that, it went okay. I was set to teach the 10 am and 12 noon; that teacher took my 10 am class instead and I taught the 12 noon, and before that class, one of my students (Josie) came up to me and demanded "energy; I don't care what you say, but give me ENERGY!" And dammit, I think I did, which was pretty sweet.

Then yesterday was my day off. I went a little exploring...and checked out the nail salon across the street, which apparently also does waxing! Reasonable prices; I was only too happy to have stuff done there. I even got a hot stone massage on my legs after my pedicure, and a regular kneading massage on my shoulders and arms after my manicure! Nice. Afterwards, I checked out Brazos Bookstore a few doors down, which turned out not to be a Hispanic bookstore, but a regular, independent little bookstore! Very nice. It's a perfect place to just hang out and read in; they even had a little rocking chair, how sweet is that!

Back in the studio, my Dr. Schulze order arrived. Sweet! Then I remembered it was pay day, and I checked, and yes indeedy, I got my first paycheck. Very nice. It was such a good day, and banking on that, I gathered up the courage to call my bestest-but-no-longer-in-contact-with friend (Denee) up. We had a nice chat, to my surprise and delight. Hope we can chat sometime, or maybe even meet one of these days: she's in Austin, which isn't that far. Then I prepared for class, but class was canceled: the heat apparently wasn't working! The desk person (Annemarie) and I were at our wits' end, setting the heat up high, even calling Mike as well, but to no avail. So we canceled the last class, had to give out a free class to those who came to show up. Mike came up, and checked why this was occurring. It turned out that someone had flipped the toggle behind the stage, which was an emergency switch to turn the heat off. Dang. So Andrea (another desk person who had planned to take class) and I just had dinner at Mission Burritos instead (where I had a sangria-margarita swirl: yum!), and then hung out at her apartment afterwards, where we played with her kitties (Meadow and Wednesday) and fiddled around with facebook then watched Spanglish, haha.

Today, I started my Dr. Schulze products, which though great, taste horrible *shudder* Then I practiced my first back-to-back double. I was worried about how I'd fare in the second class, but to my surprise, I didn't have to sit out any posture, and most of my postures were more stable and I could go deeper into them! My backbend was better, though in my second set of the 3rd part of awkward I fell forward as I was coming out of it; my standing bow was deeper than I've ever done, and in the second set, I didn't fall out AT ALL; my floor bow was the deepest I ever had: I was rolling forward and my legs were WAY up; in camel, I saw my TOES; and in stretching pose, I'm just being able to go down more and more. Super super sweet. So yeah. Then talked to Mom and Dad not soon after. Very nice. Now to get ready to teach my 6:30 class (little to no stuttering and GREAT energy and be in COMMAND), and go with Mercy to watch Elizabeth: the Golden Age after. I'm hoping for the best.

Seriously, though, it's been just so great here. With great bosses and colleagues so far (touch wood!), and the ease of pretty-much-secure online shopping--having something you order come in without any worries (again, touch wood!), if I can really support myself here, maybe with a freelance writing job on the side or whatever, this city is looking more liveable by the second. Hopefully it can only get better and better.

To end--something that must be seen to believe (and enjoy!): http://birdloversonly.blogspot.com/2007/09/may-i-have-this-dance.html

A Wonderful Weekend

2007-10-15T13:01:00.000-05:00

Let me say that my one-month-mark weekend was just wonderful.

Saturday morning found me teaching two classes. Janna, Ana, and her current boyfriend took my first class. Then Stefan, Mercy, Cheryl, Andrea, and Annemarie took my second class. I was like, "ohmygod, it's raining teachers and staff! yikes!" But on hindsight, having them there gave me support, extra energy, plus they can only give me invaluable feedback for me to become a better teacher, which is great.

Then Saturday night had all of us staff gathered at Mike's and Joani's house in non-yoga wear for a staff party, and wow, everyone just looked gorgeous! Andrea and Ben were kind enough to allow me to tag along in their car. :) What was nice was that there were offers from Mauri, Lynn, and Mike as well. Too sweet! :) They were all very much appreciated. Joani ordered food from Niko Niko's, this American-Greek restaurant along Montrose (a bit farther than the museum), and she was thoughtful enough to order food for vegetarians, too. It was actually pretty good: off the top of my head, there was spinach lasagna, spinakopita, baklava, so yum. Also had one glass of red wine which quite satisfied my alcoholic urge to "get smashed," thank you very much. Tony beckoned me to show me something, only to show me a ROACH; eeeeek! :-s Finally got to meet Mike's mom, JoBeth, who is 94 and has been doing the standing series of Bikram yoga since she was 84(!); Jack's wife, Sharla, who is a veterinarian and rescues doggies, too; Marvin, whom I'd only met previously on facebook; Kate who works at Fountainview (Joani's studio); Kat, the girl who does the website; and lots more, though Lorena, my teacher training batchmate wasn't able to make it as she had her clan over from Mexico. But the highlight of my evening was meeting Mike's and Joani's doggies. OhmyGOD, losing my voice to play and grunt along with them was more than a fair exchange to monkey around with them, cuddle them, rub their bellies, have them lick my face and toes(!), all the while hearing those grunting noises "unh, unh, grunt, snort.." Sooooo cute. I was so happy I almost cried. George, Molly, and Tikka (French bulldogs), Alfie (a rescue dog!) Suki and Leelee (Pekingese, the former actually Mike's mom's dog): I love them all.

Then yesterday, Lynn took me around Houston, first to Hobbit Café on Portsmouth then to the Cochrell (aka Butterfly) Museum and then the Transco Tower, one of the tallest towers in Houston and the Water Wall Fountain, this amazing wall of water that can kinda got me dizzy from its sheer power. Gorgeous, gorgeous. We even went to Wholefoods afterwards for my groceries. Lynn's an absolute gem, having tremendous generosity and a huge, open heart.

Like I told Joyce that night at the party, the people here have been great, the support just breathtakingly and amazingly awesome. I've slowly been getting used to it, but I'm afraid to pinch myself, if this is just a dream. I sincerely hope not. I hope it'll last a long time.

As everyone knows, next project (besides dialog and voice projection!) is to ride a bike, courtesy of Cheryl. We'll see how that turns out...

60-Day Challenge, Day 14

2007-10-09T19:04:00.000-05:00

On day 14 of my 60-day challenge, my first double [for the challenge], as well. Man oh man, everything hurts, everything's stiff. I can't touch my forehead to the floor in Standing Separate Leg Stretching, my Backbend has gone back to halfway instead of an inch off the floor. Sucks. Lately, my left knee has started bothering me: I could barely bring it down in Fixed Firm; Mike told me to ease off that, reining in at any red-alarm hints of pain. Grr. Oh well.

Roy has challenged me to learn how to ride a bike, and enlisted Cheryl, Cheryl being the not-used-bike owner ;) Yes, I do not know how to ride a bike! Scary stuff: falling. Well, it would be a valuable skill to learn.

Party at Mike's and Joani's house on Saturday. Can't wait!

Heaven in a Spoon

2007-10-08T13:35:00.000-05:00

So courtesy of Andrea who brought me to Wholefoods yesterday, among the groceries (my, how it DOES pile up!) I needed to buy, I found this brand of vegan ice cream that piqued my interest: NadaMoo. I had just had Turtle Mountain's Green Tea flavor which tastes EXACTLY like the dairy version, which was a pleasant surprise. However, I was wondering how a mint chocolate chip flavor would taste like. I had seen a carob peppermint flavor from Turtle Mountain that had less calories, but then my eyes strayed towards NadaMoo's funky (green!) packaging, mint-chocolate chip flavor. I scanned the ingredients, which seemed...interesting: coconut milk, amasake, agave nectar, spirulina, among others. From their website http://www.nadamoo.com: "ice cream that’s non-dairy, ice cream made with organic whole food ingredients, delicious ice cream, ice cream without high fructose corn syrup, creamy ice cream, ice cream without low-quality oils, satisfying ice cream, ice cream without isolated soy protein, refined sugars, artificial ingredients and colors." Sounds good to me. Still, coconut milk? In ice cream? My trepidations were all put to rest this lunch time (after teaching my classes for the day), when I tried it for the first time. Oh.my.GOD. So. f***in' good. Close-your-eyes-in-bliss-as-you're-transported-to-the-Himalayas good, go-back-to-the-freezer-and-scoop-out-another-serving good. Holy cow. Mm-mm-MM. DAMN good. Creamy without being fluffy (like dairy ice cream gets after a while), and just plain GOOD.

Next to try Turtle Mountain's slightly-less-healthy, less calorie-laden, Carob Peppermint. I am still reserving my verdict.

Just had Tofurky Jerky, too. Not bad. Satisfied the chewy, slightly-salty craving. Not advised for wheat allergy sufferers, though.

Next salty-craving hunt: Tings.

So yeah. Who said vegans are deprived????

Week 4: Random Thoughts

2007-10-07T05:59:00.000-05:00

This song just pulled at my heartstrings:

Be, Be Your Love - Rachael Yamagata

If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel

Everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love
But I want want want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love
But I want want want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Want to be your everything, everything

Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
was a little piece of you

and everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love
But I want want want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love
But I want want want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real

Everything will be alright
if you just stay the night

Please, sir, don't you walk away don't you walk away don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away don't you walk away don't you walk away

Everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love
But I want want want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real

Wanna be your love love love love love
I wanna be your love your love love love

I love how she sings. And I've always loved to sing--though more in the privacy of my room, or anonymous among my fellow choirmates. But yes, music is in my blood, my lifesong, just as I love writing, or yoga. One day, maybe I can make something out of it.

In the teaching circuit, we've all been told to dress modestly, meaning a tank top showing little to no cleavage, and capris or at the very most shorts no higher than mid-thigh. That means no Shakti-esque shorts. Makes sense, though--we can't afford our students to focus on anything BUT the yoga! However, back in training, I remember Ren already telling us this: "no bikinis when you teach; be a model to everyone: wear a tank top and capris." What he said never left me as I began to teach; besides, I am not comfortable baring my stomach except when I practice, and even then it is to have a better practice!

Went to the Museum of Fine Arts on foot the day before yesterday from the studio. Fun--except when it started to rain. Luckily, I had grabbed a free magazine along Bissonnet: that was my umbrella (Note to self: bring your umbrella when you walk--at all times!) That plus I saw a dead squirrel along the path, oh no :( But at least the rain stopped, and wasn't super pouring, and by then, I had arrived at Montrose. I went to the Museum of Fine Arts. Oh, it was AWESOME. I definitely plan on going back one of these days. That plus they have Friday movie showings! Very nice. Weirdly, it took me about 20 minutes less to walk back, haha. Was all sweaty when I got back, but it was a nice walk. A bit long, but not so bad. I think on my next day off, I'll try riding the 18 bus to Wholefoods, or even all the way to Westheimer (I'm a bit nervous crossing the highway), or walking on Kirby to Rice Village. Fun. I accomplished something besides laundry ;) My feet hurt a bit afterwards, but Tiger Balm came to the rescue.

Have a class to teach in 2 hours. Gotta study the dialog, rev up my energy. It's been tough going back and hunkering down on the dialog, unlearning old habits I had no idea were there, where I had switched parts of the dialog around. Mike is right: unlearning them is so difficult, like an internal battle waging in your head! But when I do get it right, spot-on, it is the most beautiful feeling in the world. Gotta think of that, and forge on.

Yogini in Houston

2007-10-05T22:52:00.000-05:00

Finally uploaded some pictures; check them out at:
http://therizabella.multiply.com/photos/album/5/Houston

One day, one day, I will ask someone to take a picture of me doing the yoga: postures have been improving ever since I started the 60-day challenge! But until then...it's these pictures for now!

On the Everyday

2007-10-04T13:28:00.000-05:00

Let me just say that right now, I am seriously starting to dread washing my lone spoon and fork day in, day out. Oh, and my favorite mug, too. But well duh, who else will do it?

And laundry everyday, folding towels, fixing my bed, every single day. I wash my clothes at night and wait for the final cycle to end, to dry them on the rack in my room while I sleep. And at an ungodly half-past four in the morning, before the first class starts at 6, I hurriedly see whatever laundry needs to be washed, or dried, or folded. I like folding towels: the OCD part of me likes seeing all the towels neatly lined up in the cabinet. But still; day in, day out: laundry, laundry, dishes, laundry. Still, what Inga (the resident massage therapist) said IS true: "I just think of more laundry as more business." Sigh. True.

I've also been teaching 6 am classes more now, and I found myself supplementing my diet with Silk's Soy Mocha, which is basically pre-packaged liquid 3-in-1 coffee, sorta, only it's more a 4-in-1: coffee, chocolate, soymilk, and some sweetener. I also tried adding Kefir for digestion: its lactose molecules are supposedly smaller than yogurt's, and has even more probiotics. But I find that both the coffee and the kefir have been giving me headaches: coffee gets me jumpstarted, but I experience horrible and lurching, almost blinding, dizziness and headaches in the afternoon, after I crash to bed after teaching and eating lunch. So once I finish my stash, I'm going full vegan: not even dairy, and as with a detox rule, which I guess also applies to me, no more coffee: maybe my caffeine tolerance is lower: I'm sticking to my favorite chai and/or green tea. As for probiotics, a vegan alternative would be kombucha. That plus it does give me a nice, though more mellow, buzz.

That aside, I just got a comment from a student (I don't remember her name: as I tell my students, I'm still new at this name game, the objective being to remember their names!) who took my class two weeks ago and then took it again a few days ago. And she said that there is a marked difference in my teaching. "You're getting there," she said, smiling. I modestly demurred, thanking her, saying it's still a process. And it should be a neverending process. Tony said my dialog is fine; Mike said that too when he took my first class. However, he said last night that my dialog IS there but out of sequence. So he told me to tape my classes (however way is most comfortable, easy, flexible*!), then work my way through the dialog to get it perfect, starting today with Half-moon w/Hands to Feet, Awkward, and Eagle. Read the dialog as I listen to myself on tape, then highlight whatever I missed out on or skewed out of sequence. Listening to myself had helped tremendously in the past; I'm sure it will do so now. So I said ok, I'll do that. Then he did the cutest thing: He whipped up his hand for a high-five, and he said delightedly, "Is that a deal?" A tad surprised, it was all I could do to give him a high-five back. He's such a sweetheart. He's 63, and he can still act like a kid. Cute. Joani should be about 52? Something like that. They're both so supportive. Most everybody is, which is amazing and awesome.

Today's my day off, as is tomorrow; I'm thinking of going to the museum area today, though it WILL be a walk, and if I can, take a double today, just in case for a day I choose not to practice. Had a hard time getting up today (again, it must be that caffeine). So still thinking about it. Or go to the bookstore to get my order. Or get some groceries (discovery: LIMEADE! Sooo good. But hmm, maybe not: a bit heavy to carry). Or get a mani-pedi. Maybe. Or a wax. God knows I need a wax! Will check the prices first, though. Labor isn't cheap here. Plus something to do in the distant future is to learn how to ride a bike and to drive. Houston not having a very extensive bus system and not a lot of crosswalks, and being a bit reluctant to spend on exorbitant taxi fares might finally force me to learn to ride a bike and drive, especially if I want to explore more on my own! I've managed so far with my books, my little task-pad and the Internet, but one of these days, I really should go out, at least before Thanksgiving with Ninang Nilo!

But we'll see. The day is still young.

3rd Week Rollercoaster

2007-10-01T23:09:00.000-05:00

Ta-da!

I am on my 3rd week of teaching here in Houston. I'm also on my 2nd week of the 60-day challenge, which I will hopefully complete! The 60-day challenge imposes a strict discipline on yourself (regardless of if you ate a lot, etc), at the same time improving your practice step by individual step, inclusive of aching body, energy spike and then plunge, and clearer mind. So so far, so good. As for my teaching, for a while, I wasn't progressing: it was sort of stagnating and I'd feel desperate and weak after class, going back to stuttering the poses more. Then one day, Mike set me aside and made me hear an opening of one of my recent classes. And ohmygod I sounded weak and small and uncertain and afraid: NOT in control. And he said concernedly, "THAT is horrible." He told me to be smiley and bouncy and CONFIDENT from the get-go, take control from the very start. In short, kick their asses even from half-moon, and my energy will pick up, so much so that even if I stutter, it will hardly be noticeable. He said, "Think about how you were when I first got an iMac: you should be that happy in class." He even had it saved in voicemail, he said it was that cute! "Pure delight," he said it was. He told me I could practice in my room how to go into class, starting strong, half-moon, etc, and I did, and ever since then, my classes have been pretty good, less stuttering, more energy and command. I'm the teacher: I've got to take charge after all. Because as Mike pointed out, if I won't, who will? Definitely not the students! So I've got to take charge, be in control, at times even be a little pushy and less merciful, almost not giving a damn as they "suffer." So yeah.

Coincidentally, though, that day I decided to pick up the pace a bit, I got a newbie who turned out to be having a rough time in class. She first left during triangle pose, but after leaving during tree pose/toe stand, she didn't come back. But she didn't look ashen, so I figured the heat/humidity was too much for her. I didn't give it much thought 'til after class, when we saw her at the lobby seated on a bench, with her eyes clenched shut and breathing shallowly. Turns out she hadn't eaten anything before class, instead drinking a liter (or was it a gallon?) of water with a quarter teaspoon of sea salt. What the heck: this induces one to throw up. Not only that, but she takes Abuterol, a powerful anti-asthma medication which she takes not for asthma (she doesn't have asthma!) but for her running. What the ****. Then she started shaking, and didn't stop. We offered her a mint to get some sugar into her system, and she took that, then we offered her a banana, a slice of bread, but no dice. Then we gave her some Emergen-C, but she hardly drank it. I called Jack in a panic, but Annemarie did better and called Mike. So he came and was better at handling the situation than I was: I was a bundle of taut nerves, gnawing my lip, my nails, short of wringing my ice-cold hands. He called 911, but was super cool about the whole thing. When she was given oxygen, she looked better. After they left, I was so scared Mike would round on me and blame me for what happened. To my surprise, gratitude and relief, he didn't. He said that hardly happens, even teasing me, saying that that would usually happen to a teacher after two years, at most; to me it happened after two weeks! So he told me not to worry about it, saying that the thing to do in such situations is to be upbeat and positive, not to worry, as that would just add to the situation. Gotta keep that in mind. I e-mailed Joyce (the assistant director and Joani's sister at the other studio) about it, and she said to think about these mishaps as a little personal bank wherein after a while, nothing will faze me anymore. That afternoon, Joani laughingly teased me about it, but also affirmed what Joyce said, saying it'll prepare me for anything that can come my way, yet still continue to teach.

Besides that, it's been peachy. Last Saturday, though, I taught a larger-than-usual class that just got bigger out of nowhere: one minute I was in the WC, the next minute I find the class grew from 19 to 30+: holy cow. Then Cheryl, this amazing teacher comes in and also decides to take class. I started hyperventilating, trying to breathe normally to little success, and Mike took me by the hand to his office. In essence telling me to relax, he said, "What are you afraid of?" And I said Cheryl was taking my class, who teaches like a rockstar, and I...I'm..new. And he said having Cheryl there is a good thing, providing an avenue for me to improve, at the same time being a source of support. Besides, he said, Cheryl's a nice lady. And she is. So then he smiled at me encouragingly and said, "Now think about when you told me you had a great class and this great big natural smile came over your face. You'll do fine!" And the rational part of my brain told me he's right, and I was calming down. It must have showed; after that, he patted me on the shoulder, looked me straight in the eye, and said gently, encouragingly, supportively, "Now have a good class." And you know what, I did. It did get a bit gnarly in there--104 Fahrenheit but 65% humidity, even when the vents were turned on at full blast and the fan was on, not the heat. My students were dropping like flies. I had a newbie, too, and he was struggling with the humidity. Cheryl beckoned to me, asking if the fan and not the heat was on (it was). Still, I continued to teach calmly, albeit with a few speedbumps, like after I spoke with Cheryl where I lost my focus. But other than that, it was great, and I finished, and most of my students stayed in the room. Afterwards, they told me it was HOT! But it was a good class, so thank you. Even Cheryl said so! Ahahahaha. Well, I did tell them the vents were on, etc, and to breathe in and out by the nose, slow 6 counts of inhale and exhale, to regulate their heartbeat with their breath, etc, etc, which worked, I guess. So yeah, cool.

Taught a double this morning: the first one (which Tony took and afterwards told me was pretty good so yey) was a bit distracted: a student had told me to "slow down" after Eagle, which I guess kinda rattled me, because I was about to forget the entire balancing series until a student corrected me! Oh goodness! Plus afterward, a student came up to me and said I needed to make some of the standing postures longer. So I did in the second class, lengthening especially on standing head to knee, and triangle, among others, and my second class was much better. Even she said so. ;)

Outside the yoga studio and besides going to Wholefoods (which is nice too, but still), I've finally gone to a bookstore--Borders, because it's a lot nearer: I heard there are fewer Barnes and Noble shops here. Oh well. Got some new books, including a guidebook of Texas and some Houston maps: basically the books I've had on my Amazon Wishlist for a while now. Ordered for some CD's and books. Then I also opened up a bank account to put my pay and "allowance" in, very useful if I need to get stuff only based in the US. I'm also trying to ride back on the vegan wagon. Very cool. Met an elementary school batchmate and friend whom I hadn't seen in...maybe 10 years; wonder of wonders: through facebook, how neat is that. And that same night, I got to chat with Frank. Yey!

Tomorrow, I teach the 6 and the 8 am class, this time alone. After I took his class tonight (which was awesome: I was right beside him under the podium, first row, on the "hotter side" of the room, and I was DRIPPING SWEAT!) Mike asked me if I'd prefer he came over, but I said no. In any case, he said he's a phone call away, which was very sweet of him. But I should be fine.

This week, I hope to finally get a taxi: this past weekend when I called, they were booked solid for two days straight (?!), plus the bus schedules were weird. So yeah. This weekend, hopefully I'll explore more and go out more. But wait: my days off this months are more on Thursdays and Fridays. Oh dear. We'll see then. At any rate, I hope this week will be great, my teaching hopefully to only get better and better.

Thanksgiving is my next big vaca. For Christmas, I'm going home. Plus Dad said to go ahead and get a Macbook for Christmas??? Holy cow, WOW! Coooolness. Though yep, it IS more expensive in Manila by about $300 easy. Then I looked at the iPhone 'coz I know Dad is fascinated by it( and admittedly, so am I!), but it said that to sign up for the iPhone plan with AT&T (the exclusive carrier in the US), the minimum monthly fee would be $60. Not only that, but the iPhone only has 8GB of space. That lack of features for $399? I don't think so. But the MacBook sounds great, haha.

Now to study dialog...and maybe dump my sweaty yoga clothes when the current load's done. And then hopefully, SLEEP.

G'night, g'night. Sleep tight, g'night.

Get the Ball Rolling

2007-09-26T19:53:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what I was thinking, but...

I've started my 60-day Challenge. Since Monday.

That means 60 straight days of yoga.

I should then be done in time for Thanksgiving.

Dang.

I've been praised for my backbend first by Mike, then even Stefan said I have a great flexible backbend. Then Cheryl commended me, and told me to do it outside the hot room, for Annemarie to see, [Cheryl] saying pretty soon I'll be able to grab my ankles(?!), that I should practice walking my hands back down the wall 10 times then 15 times, and if I can do 20, then I'll be ready to grip my ankles. Then today Lynn said I have a great backbend. It feels good to hear that. :) But seriously, it's "just" lifting and keeping your chest up, hips forward, tightening the glutes and thigs, everything forward to the front mirror, and just constantly looking and reaching back:"whole spine is backward bending." But then that seems to be the only posture I excel in; I still have trouble locking my knee in Standing Head to Knee Pose. Oh well; we "practice" yoga, after all: working and working constantly to improve.

So far, of the teachers whose classes I've taken, I can see clearly in my mind's eye Mike, Mercy, Stefan, Lynn, Ana, Janna. But somehow, Cheryl reminds me of Toni Jo from Las Vegas. And her walk..her walk reminds me of Denee's same outrageous swagger. OhmyGod, no. And it doesn't help that she teaches an awesome class.

Oh, and I've found fellow veg-heads in Andrea and Mercy. Mercy had this cookbook called "The Voluptuous Vegan" whose author teaches at the Naural Gourmet Institute in NYC (though there also seems to be another alternative school in Oregon, where there would also be better chances of teaching and a nicer atmosphere than in NYC). Something called "kanten" intrigued me, and I found a nice vegan recipe and explanation here.

I've booked my Thanksgiving vacation with Ninang Nilo; my debit card is working, yey! And I've taught my first double yesterday, with Mike guiding me almost every step of the way (thanks, Mike!) Seriously, though, Mike and Joani so far, touch wood, are looking to be really nice bosses/mentors. I wonder, if after 6 months, it would be feasible to live here. I need to learn how to drive, that's for sure: walking takes a lot out of a person, and the bus is unpredictable. But I'm still on Week 2, after all. We have yet to see.

In Transition

2007-09-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

I'm moving into my 2nd week in Houston. So far, I've taught 7 classes already, Mon-Tues-Wed-Thurs-Fri-Sat, with a break on Sunday, and then today. I teach my first double tomorrow. Ohmygosh! Seriously, though, it's been incredible. My first class had me all nervous: I hadn't taught in a month, and as I was reviewing the dialog the night before, I realized I had forgotten most of it. Before I was to teach, Mike was up (to teach): he usually teaches the early classes, actually. So he asked me if I was ready, and when I mentioned I was nervous (and probably must have looked it!), he said I don't have to teach if I'm really not up to it; he looked so concerned. But I told him I could do it, and he smiled. :) I asked him if he was going to take my class; he told me he wouldn't if I'd get all jumpy. But I said I wouldn't, so he did. And guess what: I didn't. The vibe when I taught here was just so different. And afterwards, he did have some things to say, but they were constructive, sound, and at the same time, still very supportive. I told him afterwards that I thought he'd chomp my head off, and he hugged me and said there wouldn't be any chopping around here; how sweet! A day after, even Joani e-mailed to say Mike said it was a good class, and congratulated me! But then I had a bad class the other day, right after a great class the previous day. Despite that, my students still thanked me after class, and when I told Joani about it even she told me not to be too hard on myself!

And indeed, such are the people here, so much so I still have trouble getting used to it. Students here are thankful for class; they do not have distinct favorites: they focus on the yoga, not the teacher. At the same time, Mike and Joani generally leave us alone, teachers and desk people alike. There is that implicit trust and confidence that I am surprised to have been so generously given, but I am all the more grateful for. Here, it is not an environment of fear, but of love. And that is such a blessing.

Outside of the hot room, I have gone to Rice Village and back, though that was maybe more of a mile each way, so I'm not sure if I want to do that again, I was so sore the next day! Then I went to the bank across the street today: I found there WAS a crossroad for crossing the busy street ;-) However, the bank had already closed, so I'll just try again tomorrow. Might also go to the bookstore tomorrow; walk there maybe, whatever, get more adventurous ;-)

Last night, Janna (a fellow teacher) invited Stefan, Mercy and me to her house for dinner, where I met her dogs, yey. :-) But I was kinda woozy from sleeping at 4 that morning from reading online stuff after coming "home" at 1 from my first live non-classical concert, with Jack, Stefan, Mercy and Annemarie, tickets courtesy of Jack, the mayor of Houston's music scene! ;-) Ate a lot yesterday, and today; maybe the (lack of) sleep has something to do with it? At least I practiced (and taught) today :-s Andrea and I went to Wholefoods yesterday for groceries and stuff, after lunch at Field of Greens with her fiancé Ben. Then Tony saw the fridge today and teased me that he'd get a full breakfast right there, haha. Also been having lunch with Mercy and Stefan sometimes, who are gracious enough to wait for me when I am slow! I also heard Mike finally relented and got an iMac. Hehe; it was the combined influence of me and Jack telling him to get one. But seriously, Macs are beautiful machines. So happy for him! So touch wood, I've been getting along with most everybody, which is always nice. The first few days, I was told that here, everybody pretty much gets along with everyone else, in essence making up a yoga family; this seems to truly be the case. And that is such a blessing.

The dialog seems to be coming easier (touch wood, please Lord!): instead of reading it aloud, now, I seem to fare better reading it before class to prepare. And then I taught this morning without "rehearsing." Beforehand, I was nervous about it. But Tony told me since I teach everyday, I should do ok. And I did. And that...I couldn't even have envisioned that before coming here. That is already a small miracle. And I am truly, truly thankful; I feel blessed. Thank you, God.

So yes, I've been doing pretty good, I think, touch wood. I hope it can only get even better. At the end of the 6 months, who knows? :) It's a beautiful environment; Mike and Joani made sure the yoga would develop the way it has, I guess. And I am grateful to be a part of it. I'm grateful to Mom and Dad who let me delve into Bikram yoga, not halfway but full throttle, even if having me away worries them half to death! Mama Cez too--evidence being Oa calling up to check on me, and to offer support of any kind. Tita Angie (Marian's mom) has also called me up, and I might meet Kristine (Kay) for dinner next week, an old batchmate from way back in 7th grade who moved to Houston. Ninang Nilo and Oa have both invited me over for Thanksgiving. Tita Neng and I have spoken, too. And Tita Marose's sister Tita Cecile said she'll meet me soon.

I'm just hoping and praying this, I, can only get better and better.

Howdy from Houston

2007-09-15T19:26:00.000-05:00

'Hope this finds y'all fine and dandy.

I arrived in Houston yesterday. Have a phone, just don't know the number yet! I start work on Monday. Yikes!

The weather here in Houston is still pretty warm (yey!), kinda like Manila, oddly.

My hosts/employers Mike and Joani have been absolute darlings. Besides housing me already and fetching me from the airport, Joani paid for my 1st groceries in Wholefoods as a "welcome to Houston." Mike helped me get a phone line here, though it only does calls, I think, and to the US? Not sure, will verify. (It's actually their extra "shared" line(?), where I only pay $9.99 a month, as opposed to maybe $80 with a prepaid) He also helped me mail Marian's package for her mom. Whew: that's done! Then this evening, they took me out for dinner, how nice is that! Everyone's been so nice: they said that if I need anything (particularly on mind is to go to the bank nearby, get a razor and a foldable line-dry to dry my yoga stuff and delicates 'coz no way can I dry those in the dryer, as well as to find a Catholic church nearby), to let them know so they can give me a ride, if need be. I've met Joani, Mike, Anne Marie, Jack, Janna, Ana and Andrea, so far. And Christina didn't apprentice here in Houston; it turns out she apprenticed in Dallas, I think that's what Joani said. Ana's Nikki T (from my training)'s friend, it turns out! And she said not to worry, just to go out there and teach!

Mike is a Texan through and through so has this cute drawl; Joani on the other hand is from New York, so she doesn't really have that Texan accent, though she doesn't really have that New York accent, either. Mike is a dog person (most of the staff are!) and has 5 dogs which he said he'll introduce to me one of these days; Joani is a cat person. And hey, Mike's 94-year old mom practices Bikram yoga, and has practiced it since she was 84, how neat is that? So if she can do it, anyone can! Quoting Bikram loosely, "It's never too late, you're never too old, never too sick, never too broken, to practice yoga."

Took Mike's class this morning, even if they told me I didn't have to: I figured it's the least I could do, to get up and introduce myself to him first thing, right? Then took his class. He praised my floor bow :) His class was pretty gentle, actually, as opposed to what I heard, that it's tough. The humidity was great, too--not as hot as Pye's, not as intense as Tu's class. But Mike was fluid, and genuine, and so assured, which I think made all the difference.

I voiced some of my concerns with Mike, like how to control the class, give energy or pick up the energy again, and so on. I particularly remember one thing he told me. He said when we talked about dogs, my voice inflection changed, my eyes lit up, etc. He said to remember that as I teach class and to input that in my energy, in my voice, when I teach. And of course, dialog, dialog, dialog. He says, it's hard--he and Joani both do--but they said I'll surely get there. :)

Will write more when I can--whether it be evenings here when everyone's gone (as I stay in the studio), or when my computer gets connected to the wifi here. Still have to get used to the timezone, too! It's 2 hours more here than San Francisco, 1 less than NYC. So if it's 10 am in San Francisco, it's 12 noon here, 1 pm in New York, and 1 am in Manila.

So still settling here in Houston, will maybe explore after work settles(!). In any case, will write again when I'm not as woozy.

http://www.bikramyogahouston.com

In Between Trips

2007-09-06T09:32:00.000-05:00

Oh hey, Pavarotti's dead.

And heh, wonder if this is true:
Take it here.

Anyway.

Got back last night. Didn't get to sleep 'til 5 this morning, woke up near 1 pm. Heh; having been reading Philip Pullman's "The Amber Spyglass" didn't help, either ;)

Went to Frankfurt and Munich in Germany, then Florence in Italy, and Athens and Kea in Greece. Lots of pictures. Tried to curb the shopping. But of course, bought stuff.

First destination: Frankfurt. Went to the Messe with my parents for the first time. Saw the set-up. Halle 9. Interesting. Went to stores, saw sales. Discovered Uli Knecht, and got a paisley George Gina & Lucy bag. S goes nuts over Louis Vuitton, and World of Music in Karstadt. Introduced her to Douglas Parfumerie, where she bought some Benefit stuff. Celebrated S's birthday at Rama V, an excellent Thai restaurant.

Took the ICE train to Munich, but got on the wrong wagon. Got to our seats at the last stop before Munich, to enjoy it for 30 minutes (out of 3 hours). Before that, it was one mad rush. Dad blamed me, saying I was a twit and should know better. Needless to say I was very upset, and S said later on that she did not quite know what to do with herself, aside from having motion sickness from the constant moving about.

In Munich, we met up with my German "big sis" who surprised our mutual friends at their new store location in Karlsplatz by bringing us along. Went back to the Basic bio super-store in Isartor and bought my beloved Amaranth schoko-müsli, as well as a gorgeous, multi-toned schal. At nearby Cosi Bazar, found-and bought-HUGE rings that fit my slim fingers, at reasonable prices. Tolle! Showed S Marienplatz--the Glockenspiel, the Viktualienmarkt (where I bought some Bärlauch and she some honey hand creme), St. Peter's Church, Elly Seidl (where we both bought fresh, handmade chocolates!) Dallmayr (where she bought coffee beans), Funf Höfe, and the Residenz (the latter new for me, as well); brought her to Linderhof and Oberammergau, then after a horrible tourist lunch, took the arduous climb up Neuchwanstein and Mary's Bridge, coming back to Munich exhausted. Remembered the bahn routes. Remembered my scant German.
I love Munich.

The train ride back, we were early, and got on the right wagon. Was able to read more of Philip Pullman's "The Subtle Knife" while S dozed.

In Frankfurt, rushed to the hotel then to the Messe to meet up with the parents--and see the fair on its last day. Manila FAME doesn't even come close.

Next day, left for Florence. Ate at 13 Gobbi for lunch. Yum, yum. My parents come to Florence to shop and to eat, and this time brought us along to their haunts and introduce us to their sukis: Farmacia Mustermann, the Erboristeria Spezieria Palazzo Vecchio, the enoteca they frequent, the piazza and Sta. Maria Novella--both scenes in the movie Hannibal(!), the department store La Rinascente (where we were able to get La Perla cheap!), Giotti--the original Bottega Veneta, Prada, Pucci, Armani (where S got sonnenbrille), Gucci (where Dad got shoes), Angela Caputi (where Mom and I got beautiful shawls on saldi!) and Etro, my favorite--the pattern on pattern, as Dad describes it (where I got a shawl, sonnenbrille, a shirt on saldi and a travel bag). Went to rub the pig (Il Porcellino) for good luck, as well. Consulted a map and a Louis Vuitton salesman's directions to Vivoli in a previously-unexplored part of town, but alas, the shop was closed for the summer. Ate gelato at another gelateria anyway. Molto bene.

That night found S struggling to pack everything she'd bought. Mom sends Dad to the rescue and we sleep at 3:30, only to wake up at 6:45, very late, to leave at 7 to catch the plane to Munich at 8:55 (to connect to Athens from there)! Andiamo! Nonetheless, we make it and I doze on the plane.

We meet Anthony (real name Adonis) in Athens in the afternoon. He had been waiting as per his wife Sofia's instructions since before noon. As we speed to the port in his car--our parents in a taxi as we with all our luggage simply wouldn't fit into his tiny car--he tells us about the fires that ravaged Greece, saying the damage would take 15 years or more to undo. Neither was this catastrophe of natural causes, he said. As to why, he said maybe terrorism.

We rode on a ship to Kea, car and all (what we call ro-ro in Manila). Boat rides and I never get along, so when we got off the ship, it took all I had not to throw up. The winding road to their vacation home didn't help, either. Nonetheless, I survived. Anthony said, "Don't do anything; relax!" Had to help him; he had a bad back; besides, if I didn't move the luggage, he would have a hard time backing out of the driveway. Met their Indonesian housekeeper Sofina, who cooked delectable meals throughout our stay, even cooking vegetarian for me! Every meal was a celebration, every meal a feast, every dish a delicacy. The olives, the marmalade with crunchy sugar, figs plucked fresh from the tree, cherry conserve, sheep cheese, homemade crepes, orange-bread, peppers (or as Anthony calls them, pepperoni), and yes, I ate fresh lobster to respect our hosts, but what lobster, so sweet and juicy..! Our hosts' son Kristos even taught me how to eat it ;)

And the beaches--nothing to rival Boracay, for sure, but the Aegean waters are cool, the waves none too strong...and no-one cares whether you go in with a 1-suit, a bikini, or nothing at all. Still, compared to our small-boned hosts, I was huge, or at least felt it...which needlessly bothered and frustrated me to no end.

We went back to Athens with skin tanned (not sure about S) and bellies full. And it was a different Athens from the Athens I saw 10 years ago. Athens is so much more developed and progressive now. The night we arrived, I was too tired to do anything else but sleep. The next day, however, we went to our hosts' office (Le Shop) and there Mom and Dad were shown ideas for expanding the business. Then we took the train--Anthony showed us how--to the Akropoli, for S to see. But at high noon. Good Lord. Afterwards, we went to Plaka for some shopping and some late lunch and last-gelato(!), ending our day tour with a drink at the top of the hotel overlooking the Parthenon and the entire city.

In the airport, I followed Mom to a Greek specialty shop selling mastiha. Interesting. Should tell Anthony about it. Maybe he can tell me more. Because our hosts are incredibly proud to be Greek, telling us the root meanings of words, Greek lore, and so on. Incredibly fascinating. If we had more time in Greece, I would've wanted to learn the language--how to speak, how to read the words: in fact, I was already able to decipher a little already, but only a little.

In the airport, S had problems with her tax-free forms from Germany as she lost them, and had to check her wheeled hand luggage in. Luckily she was able to salvage her precious CDs (about 120+ out of the 130) and stuff them into her other one.

And now we're back. Back to the real world. Now I have to prepare for my next trip to Texas--not a vacation, but to work, and to get real. And lose the weight gained, imaginary or no.

Mom and Dad now ask about salary and all these things, but vague me hasn't really worried about that. Now pragmatic me is nudging me to learn the ropes of our business next year, and make yoga a side-business, a hobby, maybe like what P does in Makati. I worry, however: what if I need to give that up? I want yoga to be a permanent part of my life. However, there is the reality that it is an uncertain path to monetary success. And I do like my Etros and Lululemons once in a while, and maybe yogi/eco-friendly retreats in the future, with a nifty little spa somewhere near. Plus my Dad points out that my vegan, organic lifestyle isn't that cheap, either. On the other hand, there is the business, where my mother put the responsibility ruse real thick (and being an only child, I always fall for), which she says is something on whom only I am the only person left to run, in their stead. (And what if I fail? But that is always my fear, which often sets me back: I can fail in yoga, in veganism, in going organic, in the business, but hopefully NOT.) Still, this is not an immediate need to be answered, thank goodness. I still have my apprenticeship in Houston next, and hopefully there, things will be answered, or at the very least, much clearer--the business, yoga, veganism, going organic: hopefully they will all be on the same path.

Listening to the Music

2007-08-19T22:15:00.000-05:00

I recently tuned in to Amy Winehouse (Rehab), Rihanna (Umbrella) and Regina Spektor (Fidelity). I'm trying to get updated :-s However, my real prized find was the soundtrack of the Sound of Music. High on the hill was a lonely goatherd, lei-i-ho, lei-i-ho, lei-i-ho! :-D So happy.

Now listening to Phantom of the Opera. Ah, bliss. Where in the world have you been hiding, really you were perfect... I love singing this.

Then I was forwarded this website. Attention dog-lovers: TYPE IN a command and see what happens: sit, roll over, down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead etc. And it's also very cute if you type in a command that's not recognized! Make sure you type in "Kiss" too, but do it last.

It DOES help that I'm finally kicking my cold. Yeyness. :-D

Recap; Breather

2007-08-13T05:57:00.000-05:00

So I taught my 13th and 14th classes two weeks ago...or how many classes now, I dunno anymore, lost track. I thought they were good, and some students said I've improved, but I guess I can't please everyone. Argh; solution is practice, practice, practice. A bit disheartened, to say the least, but gotta gotta gotta. Was almost ready to throw in the towel, and just work for Mom and Dad, but then I remembered the costs it took and the hard work I put into training.....no; no chickening out.

15th and 16th last week were better. I continued writing the dialog down, and for the 16th, I really went up and said the dialog in front of a half-length mirror. Surprisingly, the 16th class was way better; I changed my voice patterns AND my timing came back; I finished relatively on time :)

However, I'm leaving next week for a vacation with my parents--and as most people know, a vacation isn't really a vacation--it's actually quite taxing, hahaha. So I'm taking it easy this week. At the same time, I think I should--I'm down with the flu, nasal cavity super congested, my head feels like it's being split in two. I need to go see my doctors, and for some depilatory maintenance, go to the parlor, heh.

Also began reading Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner. Pretty good stuff, so far. And watched 300 for the first time(!) last night. For my fellow Ilonggos, here's a nice parody. Makadlaw gid kamo a.

Back to checking my mail. I should get some rest. Maybe later.

Classes 13 and 14 Coming Soon

2007-07-30T08:04:00.000-05:00

Classes 11 and 12 last week especially suffered from low energy and stuttering. This week, I have yet to see. Dialog is nauseating to look at, but I must persevere, this time write it out then say it aloud instead of just reading and reciting for practice, I guess. Signed a contract today. Got my paycheck for this month's 5 classes, yippee! Class 13 tomorrow, class 14 on Friday. Stay tuned.

For those in Manila, why not give it a shot:

Bikram Yoga Manila

-Makati (I teach here more often than not):
15/f, 88 Corporate Center (beside PS Bank; across One Paseo Center, formerly IBM Building)
141 Valero corner Sedeño Streets
Salcedo Village, Makati
Phone (632)889-1011

-Quezon City
5/F CKB Centre (building where Italianni's is)
203 Tomas Morato Ave. (corner Scout Rallos)
Quezon City
Phone (632)376-4632

A Dark And Isolated Place

2007-07-30T07:40:00.000-05:00

So there we were last night, on our way home being dropped off from a wedding reception. Almost turning into the street that would lead to our house, BAM! Possible whiplash effects, we were disoriented and not a little bit alarmed. What happened: a flat tire?? Holy shit, what the hell...

A taxi had bumped us from behind, HARD.

The road was dark, barely illuminated by orange street lamps, with no living soul in sight. (It's a good thing my Dad was at the back; otherwise, he would have gone down immediately and beat the guy up) My grandparents' driver, slight though he is, was spoiling for a fight, and in the chaos, he would have gone down, had my mom's voice rang out: "Nobody gets off the car!" And my Dad and I both said, "Just drive! Go!" Against his pugnacious instincts, he inched forward, still sneaking side glances for that infernal taxi. I urged him on, faster, snapping at him to go, because I'd experienced what could have happened had he gone down, and that would have been terrible. For what is more valuable: a car, or a life? [It's usually the latter, FYI!]

We got home safe; quite shaken, but safe. I can still remember my grandparents' faces, trying to put a brave front, but disoriented as hell. Those bastards. Will they really stoop down that low for money?

Apparently, yeah. Afterwards, my mom said the fact that we were many (or supposedly in their terms, "loaded") discouraged them. I called my grandparents once they got home; I'm just glad we all got home safe.

Snarl

2007-07-29T10:32:00.000-05:00

I'm in a really nasty mood, and I've no idea exactly why. Have been easily getting tired, as well, accompanied by splitting headaches, but when I sleep at night, slumber comes fitfully and sporadically. My teaching's been crappy: I've been told I lack energy and I stammer, major downslide for me from the week before. And this opposite of improvement is frustrating me to no end, getting me in a worse mood, and so on.

Ironically, this week coincides with the end of my Landmark Forum, where I was supposed to improve, and I thought I did, so why this?

Anyway. Got an external hard drive of 320 GB capacity. Not bad. :) Backing up my [Bleach AVI] files as I write.

Also, for fellow fans of the now-defunct Cooking Master Boy, here is the link to the first part of the last episode. It's in Chinese, with English subtitles, instead of the usual Japanese, so it's pretty neat to listen to, as well.

As for shopping, I got a pair of Melissa shoes. They've been written about as super comfy; let me see if that is the case: my halluxed feet will testify.

It's also heartening to be able to go to a store and find bottoms that fit, finally. In Aura, I even went down a size--not bad :) However, they didn't have the smaller size in the color I wanted. Oh well: you win some, you lose some.

Consummatum Est

2007-07-25T02:07:00.000-05:00

*Thank you, Wikipedia.

Bought the book last Saturday. Started reading it in between workshop breaks, as much as I could. Finished it yesterday, the same day my workshop ended. Deathly Hallows was a major change from the disappointment of Half-Blood Prince, if I may say so, though the movie was a complete opposite, where Chamber of Secrets was much better than Order of the Phoenix.

Even as the Harry Potter ~~empire~~ series has come to an end, I still wonder how Harry graduated from Hogwarts, what job did he get, etc, how his kids look, whose hair, whose is red, etc; how the rest of the Wesley family fared, who became the next headmaster at Hogwarts (Minerva McGonagall?), and if as the latter books progressed, she had the actors/actresses in mind with the storyline.

Of course, the questions can, and will, keep on coming, but it was a good run, and a good read. Thank you, Ms. Rowling.

Avoid at ALL COSTS

2007-07-18T08:39:00.000-05:00

1. Hydrogenated oil (or trans fat) - A process that turns free flowing oil into a lard-looking solid at room temperature. The food industry uses it to increase shelf life of products and maximize profits. Eating this stuff increases the bad cholesterol (LDL) in your body and is bad for your heart.

2. Enriched flour – All the grain’s nutrients are destroyed in the refining process. Companies add a little bit of the lost nutrients back and label it “enriched” so it seems nutritious.

3. High Fructose Corn Syrup (or HFCS, also corn syrup) – Your body processes this differently than good old-fashioned cane sugar. It contains more fructose than sugar and converts to fat more easily, which adds to weight gain.

4. Refined Sugar – When you put sugar into your system, you experience a “sugar high,” that rapidly raises your blood sugar levels. So 2 hours later you “crash,” feeling tired and empty. Sugar that’s naturally combined with fat or fiber sources, like in fresh fruits, will absorb into your body much slower. Then you can avoid the roller coaster sugar ride.

5. Saturated Fats – These are found mostly in animal products and oils. Avoid the ones that are solid at room temperature like lard. They increase your cholesterol levels and clog your precious arteries, which causes cardiovascular disease. Plus they can also be used for furniture polish - how appetizing is that?

Troubled Times

2007-07-18T06:44:00.000-05:00

It's already the 18th of July, fancy that. Seriously, I haven't been keeping track of the days anymore. They've just been passing in and out of my consciousness.

The last time I wrote, I was sick with the flu. Now, thanks to a heady combination of Vitamin C, B6, B12, Calcium and Biotin, that is no longer the case. However, my mind still seems to be stuck in limbo. Or is it my body, or both?

Coming back to the studio from illness, I return to find it in a quiet uproar, chaos very carefully, discreetly hidden...unless you look very carefully, stay perfectly still, and sense the roaring discord barely muffled, the huge confusion and angry bewilderment. The tide is now moving so fast, you don't know how to stop it, or move along with it perfectly in sync, so you just get swept up and start to cease caring. In the studio, it is a quiet disaster, and too afraid to be caught in the crossfire, I am resigned to the unsettling vibe, carefully trying to avoid the large gaping hole where a presence used to be last week.

I came in to this vibe only minutes before class, and only a day before I was to teach my 7th class. [After class,] a well-meaning student chided me on stuttering, telling me to ignore my director who also took the class. However, my director told me it was a huge improvement from my previous ones, so much so that it was one he would pay for. Wow! :) 'Hope I keep it up.

Tomorrow I teach my 8th class. Gotta review and rehearse, even as I'm told to let it flow; I'm still at that stage where I need to practice, even knowing that it won't turn out like it was rehearsed, but still, it's at the stage where "every bit counts." At this moment of uncertainty, I was told, and indeed it is, that "life is full of surprises, ever-changing; all we can do is yoga to stay calm..." Indeed it is true.

At the core of all this is also a belief in the self, a belief that we will surpass anything that comes our way. A fellow (albeit senior)teacher-yogini sent me a particularly nice quote below, a quote to reassure, and to give strength for my continuing path:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson, "A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles"

Living Small (Should Be) No More

2007-07-09T00:17:00.000-05:00

So here I am, still sick with the flu. I just noticed something, though: I sneeze small.

I sneeze with my lips pursed, body tight and tensed, held back, only to produce a sound a kitten would produce: a muffled "tch." I try to make the smallest sound possible.

It makes me remember something my director criticized me with, and that is living small. He says I do not help myself by living small; instead to live big so that others can follow that light. I also recall something said in training: to be interested and not interesting. In my opinion, living small isn't even interesting, but there you go. I think Letitia from Santa Fe said it, that shy people are selfish people, keeping their light to themselves.

In this regard, my director again pointed out that "living small has worked [for me] for 23 years" Indeed it had, and has. My parents (bless their hearts) are such dominant beings, and here I am, Ms. Big Mouse. In fact, after class, where I was silently beating myself up over my mistakes, a fellow classmate-student asked me if I was an only child (known perfectionists!) and when I admitted I was, she told me to live with imperfection; "we are not perfect, and that's ok" she smilingly says.
Another teacher tells me to get MAD, (sing angry songs like Alanis' he says, not sweet songs like I usually do) and to project, banish my fears, my insecurities, bring energy with my voice. And THAT is hard for me--me, who is so used to living small, wanting to always make myself blend in with everyone else. Argh. But they are all right in that it IS a mindset, and in being that, is hard to break. As Bikram is fond to say, it's all in the mind. And that is the hardest thing to change.

We are not perfect, and that is ok. So live BIG, shout out, sneeze out loud, and that's ok!

Perfect, by Alanis Morissette

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live for you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem ...... why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect

*DISCLAIMER: I love my parents!

6th Class and Counting

2007-07-07T06:42:00.000-05:00

I just taught my 6th class yesterday. When is the next class? I still honestly don't know. First off, I'm sick and have no voice, and second, having no chauffeur in upper middle class Manila + über-protective parents = immobility. So here I am at home, not that I'm regretting it: I'm getting to rest. Good Lord, who ever knew it's so tiring to teach a class? I haven't gotten to that point where energy between me and my students are shared and not just supplied by me.

So I taught my 4th class last Sunday--my biggest one yet: 40 people, and of those 40, 6 being newbies. I briefed them about the yoga before class, as well: my first briefing, ohmygosh. Anyway, so I taught--on the platform: my first time to. Hoo boy, was it different--but in a good way: I could feel the energy, though it was agreeably a lot more than my usual 8 student-class. Then things started dropping in triangle, and dropping fast: students were dropping like flies. And I panicked, then my voice went down, and along with it my command of the class. Argh. After class, an attending teacher (actually, my teacher) told me my class was better than he thought it would be. [The next day, he told me my timing was good, and I had energy, but it's still trapped in all my insecurities and lack of confidence. So he had me practicing entering a class and throwing my voice across the room. Eek: the latter was particularly hard!] However, that night, my studio director called and told me he heard it was a horrible class, so I still have to do mock classes. That was a blow; I thought I was doing better: I had been working on my dialog; I guess the client just didn't think I was up to snuff. When I shared this with a friend, a newbie who had taken that class to show her support, she said the class was ok, and said not to mind that particular criticism: as a newbie, I'm allowed to make mistakes more than usual! I guess. But it left a sour taste in my mouth regardless. When I went to class the next day, I was still exhausted from that class: is that normal?!

My next (5th) class was last Wednesday. The day before, I had already been given a copy of the keys to the studio so as to open the studio early, for a 6:30 am class. Also, I practiced the full dialog the night before, which made me feel more secure. More friends came to show their support, this time fellow yoginis who'd already been practicing for a while. And this class was good: everyone said do afterwards. I was so happy. They said I smiled more, breathed more, relaxed more. Probably it's because the director isn't here, my students joked. I think that getting me to mill around the students helped a lot, too.

The most recent one was yesterday. Even before this class started, I was not feeling well. The night before, I barely practiced the dialog, I was so tired. So yesterday, my energy was off: I felt it, but I soldiered on. Afterwards, my students didn't say anything, though some said that though last Wednesday's was better, this one was still better than last week's. Another student added to review the floor postures, as my standing series is already pretty good and I'm already pretty comfortable with it. Good feedback. Will do that tomorrow. I just decided to take the rest of yesterday off, as well as today. My voice is just on and off, but my throat hurts like hell. All my joints seem to hurt, and my head feels like a huge weight on my shoulders. My director's asking for help to teach a class in his other studio on Monday, but in my condition, plus no transportation to get there, I don't think that's possible at this point. Still, as much as it's lately gotten a bit difficult for me to start the ball of teaching rolling, so to speak, though I still get a bit tongue-tied in class, and though it's been sucking the energy out of me, I love doing it. It is a beautiful, liberating, life-changing process, or experience, whatever you want to call it. Actually, can it even be named? It's so huge, to the point it's beyond explaining. And that whole...thing....I love it, am terrified, humbled, and exhilarated by it.

'Til the next class, then.

Tiptoe-Teaching

2007-06-28T01:19:00.000-05:00

Watched Pride and Prejudice with my mom last night, the newer adaptation with Keira Knightley. OhmyGod I was swooning and squealing all over the place. Good thing we were watching it over cable television--the few moments I watch television. Nice, nice, nice. I'd like to get my own Mr. Darcy, in the future, oh pretty please.

I've taught twice now--my first class with my studio director, which really was a blur, but amidst tons and tons of cotton stuffing in my head, and then my second class, this time at 6:30 am. 6:30. six. thirty. in. the morning. 6 frickin' 30?! Ugh. Woke up at 4 to prepare (having slept at 2 trying to review as much dialog as I could), then my director came by at 5:40 to bring me to the studio. Manila is a very car-dependent metropolis, having a lousy public transport system and little to no pedestrian areas. I miss that freedom I had when I was in Hawaii. Here, I don't drive, so I have to be chauffeured around. My studio director was nice enough to do it for me to go to class this week (well, he IS attending, also to listen to my dialog and see how I conduct myself as a teacher), but he said no more for next week. Understandable.

When we got to the studio, he told me when to turn on and shut off the heaters. Then he told me to keep my dialog because none of it would enter this late in the game. Ack. I was getting so nervous. I checked the sign-up sheet, and whereas I heard the night before I was to have 20 students, turns out I had 8, plus with my director, 9. I felt better, but still, I was nervous: I don't want to keep them hanging, I want to give them a good class. But anyway, the show must go on.

Class was 1 hour and 45 minutes, abouts. My students (formerly my peers, ohmygosh!) clapped for me as I ended Kapalabhati breathing. :) I forgot to say namaste as I left the room, and my fellow classmates-now-students ribbed me about it after. They also told me to breathe! ;) More professionally now, though, my studio director told me it was a 200% improvement from my 1st class with him (yey!) However, he said my voice was still uniform: gotta texturize. And teach with authority. He said to act it, then eventually embody it, which will come in time. Then I was mixing the hands with the feet. Again, dialog, dialog, dialog. AND keep the timing: look at my watch. But huge improvement, nonetheless.

My studio director taught class afterwards, a class I took, but aside from that, I haven't been practicing much, only twice so far this week--still so tired, and so worried about dialog (that I do everything else before it, go figure)! But I think next week, I should up my practice to at least 5 times a week already.

Did the monthly household groceries, which took a while, so gotta study now. I have less than 15 hours to tomorrow's class. Gotta focus on timing now, and of course, dialog, dialog, dialog: always.

Back Home

2007-06-22T20:37:00.000-05:00

I've been home four days now, and it feels familiar but...different, like an old suit that doesn't fit quite right anymore. A lot has happened while I wasn't here, just as a lot happened to me while I was away.

So I'm back home--in tropical Manila. My books and various leftover unpacked stuff are still on the couch and other various spaces in my room. Still jetlagged, still tired, in my jammies 'til noon, that sort of thing. But even as I'm here, I wistfully recall the heat (from 105-145 ºF++ or 41-63ºC++), the sweat (all 300++ people's) and yes, even the stinky cat-piss carpet; the ubiquitous ABC stores, the delicious Hawaiian papayas, eating grapefruit like an orange--for the first time(!), Starbucks' soy chai lattés, loads of Japanese products to my heart's content--especially yomogi/kusa (mugwort) mochi/daifuku (with recipes when I get ambitious or desperate enough), and fresh bubble teas--none of those icky powdered stuff! I miss Bikram's humor and unpredictability, being able to walk almost everywhere, and the friends I made along the way.

Taught my first class yesterday, but only with my studio director, as the other teacher had backed out. But he (my studio director) said that's ok. Had a lot of spaces in between my dialog: a 1 hour 50 minute class!, but again he said that's pretty normal (?); however, he said for me to continue studying the dialog. Now I know what teachers meant when they said that the dialog is my best friend; it really should be--it's the only stable thing to rely on! I will continue to do mock classes next week, and hopefully by the week after next, I will be teaching bigger classes. Huh; then I took class with him afterward: right now, my back and thighs hurt like hell, haha.

Made a new account on FaceBook to connect to my fellow yogis, so I'm considering deleting my Friendster and/or MySpace, 'coz I believe that one can only properly manage so many accounts. Been playing with my dogs--God, how I missed that! and noticed that I'm not as physically stern with them, but even with less effort, they already follow my command. I also noticed I'm more assertive outside (whut). This is so weird. Perhaps Bikram really is right: we go home completely different people. Maybe not completely, but pretty much! Then on FaceBook, today's Horoscope read as such: "You've made quite a bit of progress toward an important goal, but you're really tempted to slip back into old patterns. Don't start backsliding now." Mustn't backslide. Must will to continue developing, continue practicing, continue teaching. As they say, the real training starts after training. Someone said, "It's called yoga practice, not yoga perfect." Indeed, the dialog is my real companion now.

Yoga Camp Starts Now

2007-06-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

It is the Sunday before graduation. Posture Clinic finished last Friday, with one best student from each group delivering the dialog. I did mine Thursday night, because Friday was Talent Night and I felt I wouldn't be able to focus on both. So I opted to do dialog Thursday night, amidst fatigue and a splitting headache. People were going up and winging it; I was looking at the dialog while the teacher was saying, "All you have to do is look at the bodies and you'll know what to do; it doesn't matter if you don't know the dialog verbatim, what matters is the courage to go up there and deliver it and tell them what to do!" I felt I had to do it; this was it. And I did; I was the last one for the night. I was saying it from the back corner, then she [the teacher] told me to jump up and down, shake my hands then say it. I did and my voice got stronger, faster. I hardly said the whole dialog, but most of the keywords were there, and most importantly, I taught it confidently. At least that's what my friends said. Besides, the teacher said so, too. But I was shaking when it was over; but I was told that's good?! Though I'm glad I did; then I was able to focus on Talent Night! Fast forwarding to Talent Night, I sang Cynthia Alexander's Emptyhanded, and until yesterday, people were coming up to me and saying how beautiful the words were, how sweet my voice was, and how brave I was to go up there So I say thank you; I am just so glad it affected them the way it did; singing to me is to evoke emotion, to touch others. And so I hope I can do the same with teaching, but of course with more energy--soon. Had CPR training after our Saturday class with Craig, and the infamous Awkward Contest (I went as far as a minute, but that was it). So exhausted, have no idea why, but after going to the group barbecue, the group love won me over. Went dancing last night, as well--something I normally do NOT do. Surprisingly, I loved it, I think mostly because most of us fellow yogis were there, dancing even if we didn't know how to dance, but just for the pure joy of it, of life. And that made it wonderful. Sunday of Week 9 is upon us, before graduation, before going home, before we take our tentative steps into the pool of Bikram Teacherhood: the calm before the bubble breaks into reality. I'm savoring it for now.

Emptyhanded by Cynthia Alexander --Tuning: CGCGCD

Why, why do you worry? We are not born nor do we die; What is happening happens for the best, what will happen happens for the best
We have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded
What have [you] lost that you are weeping; what have you found that you have lost? What have you built that has been broken? You have not anything
What you have, you got from here; what was given you, was given here; what you took, you took from here; what you gave, you gave unto here
We have come emptyhanded we will go emptyhanded, emptyhanded
Why, why toil for sorrow; and what have we to fear? What is happening happens for the best, what will happen happens for the best
We have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded
What you have, you got from here; what was given you, was given here; what you took, you took from here; what you gave, you gave unto here
We have come emptyhanded we will go emptyhanded; we have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded, we have come emptyhanded, we will go emptyhanded
Emptyhanded, emptyhanded

Week 8.5 and counting

2007-06-07T04:53:00.000-05:00

It's officially Thursday but we just finished Wednesday, so-called "the hump of the week"--the hump of week 8 to week 9, ohmygosh! Still have two postures to memorize by Friday, specifically Head to Knee with Stretching later today and Spine Twist by tomorrow. Then there's Talent Night on Friday. I was only given four (4) minutes, so I can only sing one (1) song. By consensus, it's to be Cynthia Alexander's Emptyhanded. Oh Lordy Lord; give me strength to finish the dialog well and to sing the song with finesse! As Joel Pierre from Philly says, "Practice, practice, practice!" Besides, Bikram says "negative thoughts are nine times more powerful than positive thoughts," so gotta crank up all that positivity!

Also met Ren Soriano, one of the guys from HQ, who turns out to be a fellow Flip! As in he spent his first 15 years in Manila and was born there; I even know where he went to school! Coolness. Anyway, only Joani Nuñez from Houston and Kat Kelly-Chung from Columbia have responded about mentoring, though I'd prefer the former as she is one of the more senior teachers. But Ren, after listening to me during camel, said, "She's too sweet, like sampaguita." During the break, he said he has to train me to be more bitchy. (Fred's term for BITCH= Being in Total Control of Herself; niiice) Then he [Ron] said, " But how will I train you if you won't be in LA?" If there's a spot in HQ to do whatever, or even if I have to moonlight preferably in a bookstore, YES I want to go! It's LA: I have family and friends; it should be doable! Nothing's solid yet, though: gotta talk to Ren more, hopefully at a haircut session this Sunday, a bit $ of course; he's supposed to be very good, having trained with a certain Jonathan. Heck I know. But if this will help networking, then why not? As Bikram says, "You have nothing to lose; you had nothing to begin with." Indeed.

1.5 weeks to go. Breaking out, tired, but with a little care and with our happy smiling faces, we should emerge as butterflies, albeit at the bottom of the Bikram Yoga Totem Pole, but who knows, in time, slowly coming to the top. As group 1 says, "Ganbatte!" We can do it! We have no choice. Isn't that great? :)

Week 7, Represent!

2007-06-02T04:07:00.000-05:00

So it's Week 7, soon to be Week 8: should I whoop or should I wail? But going back, I had my birthday the weekend of Week 5. It was great: I was the only one who had a birthday that day, and Rajashree read my name for everyone to sing happy birthday to--imagine 300+ people singing for you. It's a compendium of all the missed birthdays I had in school (my birthday would always be during summer vacation): so worth it. Then my parents also came over during the Thursday of Week 5, and the weekend when I was to practice Trikanasana! Of course I didn't practice it while I was with them. So I had to struggle to catch up with postures in week 6. But it was so great having them here, yet emotionally wrenching, too--seeing them arrive, and seeing them leave: it's tough. And partly because of that, or maybe mainly(!), Week 6 was THE rough week for me. The Monday of Week 6, after crying through class, losing control of my breath, then having to leave the room to use the loo FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME (I never leave the room!), I went up to discover my laundry that I had put in before class GONE. Hoo boy. So I cried some more. I told Mom and Dad, and they were so supportive, even buying me extra clothes! Plus this time away from them, I think it's made us value each other more; I actually, truly hugged my Dad for the first time, without reservation, when they visited. Plus I'm a bit more open to them now, revealing my emotions, my frantic side, that they never really see. Ok, I'm tearing again now (must be the yoga!), but Bikram's right: this teacher training will make us new persons, at the same time value our relationships especially with our families more. So Week 6 was tough: by losing that weekend intended for Triangle, etc. to time with my parents, I was constantly completely exhausted, plus lagging behind dialog to being one of the last to say it, really struggling to do it--well, of course: my inner super-critic wouldn't even let me try otherwise. So the weekend to Week 7, I decided to take it easy. Didn't go beyond errands, then went to the supermarket with a groupmate. On my way back, an odd thing happened: as I was passing our floor's laundry room, lo and behold, my missing clothes were there. Oh my God! What good fortune! Thank you, Lord! Then I had my first dinner with groupmates, and that was fun, having a first gossip session, as well! Girl power! Sunday, I took my hopefully last make-up class, then afterwards took my first nap for this entire training so far. An uncle and aunt just arrived from abroad so they took me under their wing for Sunday afternoon. Went to mass, too: Mom would be so relieved. So Week 7 rolled in better. Then Bikram started lecturing again for three nights, and those nights have been taking their toll. Dialog recitation has also been speeding up, and I've still been going up last...that is, until the climax of Cobra Pose. Everyone was required to do it and finish it by that afternoon. AND I WASN'T READY, at all. I wasn't able to do my memorization technique that day, so I was completely unprepared. Obvious or not, I hate being unprepared. I am Ms. Control Freak: I have to have at least something to hold on to. And this time, I was called to the bat. I was so scared and frantic I cried. But I had no choice. So I did it, and expectedly, my dialog was nowhere near perfect, but I did it. Our teacher-facilitator Joel from Philadelphia was especially great. He even corrected our postures hands-on and told us why it's wrong and how to correct ourselves. But after I delivered Cobra as best as I could, he told me I have good projection, so now I just have to practice the dialog and believe in myself. Ever since then, that sheer fear of ill-preparedness drove me to recite sooner, do what it takes! The next day, I went up during the middle, and Lynn Whitlow was our facilitator. She's great; I pray I can mentor with her when training is over. She told me to get loud, get crazy! But that's just hard. The night after, I delivered Dhanurasana, and I just freaked. Fred, the French facilitator told me, "Get out of your head; ask others for feedback then build on that." That inner critic which prevents me from even trying is kicking and screaming under a straitjacket. But I have to let it go, and say it with confidence. Today is now the close of Week 7. That's two weeks left to graduation (God-willing) and one week to sing in Talent Quest (of which I don't know why I signed up for)! Craig's teaching tomorrow, so gotta rest the quadriceps, yikes! Visiting teachers have especially given us better practices, and there are more coming. I still have the weekly stuff to do--groceries, laundry and whatnot, but I also finally said uncle and booked a massage: Lord knows I need it--tight hamstrings, shoulders and back. I'm also hoping to relax a bit and watch more Miyazaki. Though we've had one classmate, Denise, go home due to serious kidney disease, dialog-wise, we're at Half-Tortoise Pose, almost done! Hopefully all we can go to is up.

Week 3

2007-05-07T04:24:00.000-05:00

It's May 6 already, the end of the 3rd week, and 13 days to my birthday! Eek! Memorizing the dialog has been über difficult, but I think I'm just really afraid, so gotta work on that triple time, aside from another Anatomy test for tomorrow. Tried talking to visiting teachers more, but so far, I guess it's too early to say: they're non-committal (on possible help for employment). It's been difficult waking up in the morning, sometimes just being on pure auto-pilot, sometimes not knowing my name (proverbially). Training's been getting harder and harder. We're now being made to memorize the dialog more intensively, but it's been tough, what with living arrangements--even if we live just a few floors on top. And I've never lived on my own and had to fend for myself from almost scratch, laundry and food especially. Food's been basically pre-cooked cold food, usually tofu salads, seaweed, and marinated vegetables, or frozen microwave-ready food, with fresh fruit on the side, and peanut butter in a pinch. On a lighter note, I can basically eat whatever I want, and just that. I've discovered ACAï, a berry from the Amazon richer in antioxidants than blueberries by at least 10 times! It's so good, I have at least one smoothie of it every week at the mall. They even have sherbets, but I still like the fresh smoothies best. And GOJI berries, another powerful antioxidant. Then there's BUBBLE TEA: I know the best place that DOESN'T USE POWDER. Also discovered KEFIR, something like yogurt. When I drink it for breakfast with cereal, ZHOOM I go to the loo. It's more effective to me than yogurt and doesn't hurt my stomach lining. There's also a blue cheese I found at the supermarket made from raw unpasteurized milk. It's the best blue cheese I've ever had, something like cambozola but rawer, sharper, and NOT SO SMELLY. But laundry. OhmyGOD laundry. Just think of a room with 320 sweaty people, and a sweaty carpet, in 100+ ºF heat, twice a day, everyday, with 1.5-2 hours max break after to eat, bathe, do laundry (otherwise the clothes will get infested with bacteria--I learned the hard way) before lectures until 1 or 1:30 am, to wake up at 6:30 am of the same day. And then we have to figure out when we can study in between. That doesn't even cover our emotional states, our hang-ups, our fears, our high potential for illness, our issues and concerns. But I'm just trying to trust the process.

Luke, one of our teacher-trainers, says it so eloquently:

blessings overflow

i had a few thoughts from my experience with you this week.

connection and attachment are definitely
not the same thing.

words with no peace mean nothing. peace with no words leave you little recourse with which to share as a teacher. please learn your dialogue. please be as willing to let go of it as you are to hold on to it. only
with that willingness comes proficiency, and ultimately mastery.

learning is like a baby kitten in this way. you cannot hold it too tight, or you will squeeze the life out of it.

asana is the same thing. you have to let it happen as much as you make it happen.

life is a really long asana.

it does not take a strong person to hold on to the roots and branches at
the edge of the river to keep from falling in. it takes a strong person
to let go and be willing to risk drowning for the sake of moving with
the flow.

please be willing to be someone you never imagined.

when you become that person, even if it took all of your blood and sweat and
tears and vomit, be ready to let go of it and become someone else.

understand that if you become something, it was always there anyways.

if you realize something, it is the same.

facts are all around you. truth is all inside of you. it is what you are made of. you just have to admit it.

you see in the world what you be in the world.

excuses keep us from doing things. inspiration gives us permission to do them anyways.

please embrace that which challenges you the most, as it is also what offers you the most.

it takes serious work to have fun sometimes.

power and force are easily attained and noticed. they are also as easily
lost. both combined are nothing compared to the immeasurable,inconceivable possibility of energy. energy is as infinite as your ability to imagine it. it is also as lasting.

energy is not a thing you have. energy is a choice you make.

it is never too late, too old, too sick, to make that choice.

every second holds the possibility of choice, and therefore the possibility of the infinite nature of energy.

the present self is the most empowered, energized version of oneself. the
present self is not dominated by the patterns of the past, nor the
fears of the future. the present self may find lessons in the past, and
embrace the potential and space the future holds, while still abiding
in the bliss that is what is happening now.

the ablest teacher of presence we have is our breathing.

at 3 am, sleep can be pretty great. almost as great as the moon i forsake the sleeping for.

namaste...

Indeed. Namaste.

Coincidence or Fate?

2007-04-27T04:55:00.000-05:00

There are 315 of us trainees. Among the multitude, I found a friend--who turned out to be Frank's student! Her name is Wancy. Then I practiced beside another of his students this morning--Natalie from White Rock? She in turn introduced me to two other students of his--Elena and Gena. OhmyGod, Frank, you brought us together.

Back from the book signing. What a circus. Waited for 4 hours. It's a good thing I had the good sense to eat beforehand--but not eat right: tomato florentine (with cheese-filled ravioli) soup, my beloved chai soy latté and a triple chocolate cookie. OhmyGoddelicious cookie, but I think it proved too much; that and 300+ people= headache. But finally got my books signed (might sell/give one away), my postcards sent, my (Aloha) sushi wish fulfilled, my chocolate & chai latté cravings fulfilled, my david+goliath fixation satisfied, and my Shirokiya curiosity appeased, which was also steps away from the Apple store, so that hit two birds with one stone! Even found the exact copy of Bhagavad Gita I was looking for! Now I am dreaming about a Tokidoki Le Sport Sac bag, but $$$$. Aiiyayay. Maybe for my birthday? Eek. But seriously, I think I should explore the mall beyond Barnes and Noble, haha, aside from a lunch with a family friend on Sunday, and the study session on Saturday for the Anatomy test on Monday.

Looking forward to the weekend!

Training: Weeks One and Two, So Far.

2007-04-26T13:01:00.001-05:00

I have only taken a few pictures so far, but you can check them at this site: http://therizabella.multiply.com/photos/album/4

The first 2 days, I was quite homesick, but after talking to the staff teacher Kyoko, it felt good to get it out. Now, even with laundry-both washing (machines on every floor but a bit $) AND drying, food prep/management, living with a stranger, and what-have-you, or maybe moreso because of them, I'm getting better at keeping home away from my mind. It comes every now and then of course, but at this point, I think I can handle it.

Attire in Hawaii, as an FYI, is pretty casual. Long-sleeved polos are pretty rare, if seen at all; jeans are ok (Craig wears 'em), but Bikram says he hates them besides anything green 'coz they remind him of filthy American hippies. Outside, I still see people wearing jeans, and short-sleeved polos (more or Hawaiiana floral shirts); shorts and shirts are cool, too. And Crocs are like the biggest thing here, ohmyGOD everyone's wearing them, I kid you not.

Roomie and I were off to a bit of a cold-war start. We keep to our own respective space, even while in a bed together (king-sized; pillow-wall in between), and we're both neat and conscientious (I think), but there's that feeling of awkwardness and trying-not-to-step-on-each-other's-toes, you know? But lately, things have been looking up. And I hope that trend continues--in posture clinic and with my roomie, especially.

There's also been a sale here of Bikram merchandise, care of Barbara. She's nice, and we've become a bit close, wahaha. I call her Miss Barbara (Filipino sense of propriety?), and that endeared me to her.

Let's see: We had our first 1 yoga class with Bikram on April 16 in the evening. Most of us, myself included, dropped like flies. I swear. I soon realized I have to have a little sugar/fiber/healthy carb in my system before I go to class, preferably about half a banana an hour before. The next day April 17, class with Bikram again in the afternoon (morning class with Rajashree canceled because of a maintenance issue). April 18-25 we have been having doubles. The first morning with Rajashree, I ignored a twinge in my left ankle when I did toe stand. That night, in Bikram's class, it manifested itself starting with awkward pose, then garurasana, dandayamana janushirasana, and dandayamana dhanurasana. The next day, my other ankle started hurting as well. Tiger Balm has become my best friend, plus the clove smell does make me happy, too. Asked Luke about it, and he said just to do the postures as correctly and as much as I can, and what do you know, he's right, I'm getting better, slowly.

We've had Antonia, Craig, Bikram, Rajashree, Luke and Emmy as teachers so far. Antonia I didn't get much energy from, plus it seemed she was just throwing her voice out. Craig teaches a truly tough class. Bikram is a one-man show: an awesome guy so far. Rajashree's mystic healing love personified. Luke is surfer-cool, and then without us knowing it, is already pushing us to our limits. And Emmy is...Emmy is classy, elegant, gentle, but firm, the proverbial iron will within a silk glove. She's so cool.

As for posture clinic, it helped to see others going with similar issues I've been having. I finally plucked up the courage and delivered mine last Friday. Ever since I introduced myself, Bikram has commended me on my English and for posture clinic, he said it again. "You sure you not born here?" or something like that. I've made some friends, as well. It's the 2nd week, so that may change, but I am grateful to some who were open enough to practice the dialog with me. Plus seeing people recite it and reciting it with them from the back, eventually doing so from memory, as Craig told us to do (aside from doing it with bodies in sight and mind), as well as the if-they-can-do-it-so-can-I mentality helped a lot. I think I did pretty well. But thank God that's done; now to practice Pada-Hastasana and Backward Bend. With Ardha Chandrasana over and done with yesterday, postcards done, and this post underway, then laundry, dishes, food and sleep management and dealing with all kinds of people daily issues, I think I can finally move on to daily Anatomy review and Dialog momorization. Gotta do it soon! Book signing for Bikram's new book tonight, which means earlier night for us and more time to do stuff. I have every intent to use it. So signing off for now!

Hawai'i Day 4, pre-Bikram

2007-04-14T21:11:00.000-05:00

This is my first post from Hawai'i. The past days I've just been up at crazy hours, sleeping in the wee hours of the morning and waking up at the middle of the day. Yesterday and the day before that, however, I went on tours of the island and city, and watched Cirque Hawaii. I couldn't take pictures while Cirque Hawaii was going on, but I did take pictures of the island, and of city landmarks.

Other than that, I also met new friends in a nearby bookstore, when I asked what the minimum wage is here (I'm trying to get a job working as a temp). R and L: They're a nice couple, retired (i.e. older), and multi-racial, which in Hawaii is nothing new, but refreshing to me, anyway. Seeing I'm a student, they bought me soup, tea, I felt I had to buy them food the next day, as well. But they're nice and helpful: they even took me to the grocery, let me use their discount card, showed me Sears, then brought me home via the bus, invariably teaching me how to ride it! We talk about the Asian language, more often than not--which takes up the whole afternoon, 'til evening. I might give them a call, see how they're doing, 'coz at this rate, I won't make it to the Bikram Yoga Class, which is kinda far away, anyway. Plus I still have to launder my clothes (and figure out how to do it). Indeed, it's different being alone--there's no one to take care of my needs, be it food (nutritious meals and NOT heavy snacks!), hygiene, laundry, even fixing the bed--housekeeping apparently won't come over unless I'm here, argh.

However, it's been a good experience so far. Like on my 2nd day, I was squinting against the sun on my way to the shopping center, and this [black] guy said, "Don't look so mean! Smile!" And when I did, he said, "That's better!" and smiled too. O_o Or yesterday, on my way (supposedly, but in the end, I didn't find it, eating at a -pricey!- Thai restaurant instead) to Coconut Café and Ruffage Natural Foods, these vegan-friendly, organic eateries, I helped this nearly-blind old man up to a bench ('coz nobody was helping him and he was struggling to get on his hands and knees a distance away, on the grass, even). Then I got a bit lost getting back to my hotel, but as my 1st tour guide said, "You can't get lost; it's an island!" And I guess he's right: I did find my way back, after all.

In a way, this is a test of my ability to be independent and self-reliant. Agh. It's hard, and I admit I tend to like staying in for the better part of the day, but I'm sure I'll learn. Along a similar vein, I have to believe in myself, have conviction, otherwise how will I be able to get others to listen to me, moreso as I've signed up to become a yoga (especially Bikram yoga) teacher?! As Baron (of Studio Ghibli's The Cat Returns) said, "Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear."

Thanks to the bookstore people (while I was looking for Spirited Away for a friend but watched it and ended up loving it!), I am now fascinated with Hayao Miyazaki's work! I've watched Spirited Away and The Cat Returns; now I want to watch/buy (but $$$!) Kiki's Delivery Service, Howl's Moving Castle (especially this one), Nausicäa, and Princess Mononoke (Neil Gaiman is supposedly a collaborator in this). I also want to get the soundtracks of Spirited Away and possibly Princess Mononoke. I should try to get a job first, though.

But back to quotes. The first one is from another manga/anime cross-over addiction, Bleach, as recited by Abarai Renji. The second quote was sent to me by a friend at Easter. The first one I feel is one for times when I'd be low, while the second is to remind me why I chose my path.

We! are about to head to the battlefield!
Believe our blades will not shatter.
Believe our souls will not be cut!
Even if our steps separate,
our iron will remains solid!
Promise! Even if the ground may split,
We will come back alive to this place!
-Gotei 13 chant

"If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and the doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be." -Joseph Campbell

This is It (Pancit)

2007-04-09T11:57:00.000-05:00

Today's the day. I'm really leaving; no kidding. Who am I trying to convince, though: myself or the ones around me? Maybe both.

The past month, give or take, has seen me dissolve into a bundle of nerves, frayed enough this past week to have back pain, constant body cramps, loss of appetite but flatulence, nonetheless, acne, fatigue, and God knows what else--this is what I can remember. I've been so nervous, so afraid, despite being asked, "What is there to be afraid of?" and being unable to give a coherent reply. Fear's just...there, a ready companion, to warp my reasoning and judgment, to wrap its tendrils and squeeze all pleasure, all serenity out of me. I've been afraid of so many things for so long. And more often than not, I still am.

But last night, a small light of excitement has found its way, tried to beam up out of the dark knot of fear. Fear has not been quashed, but hope has found a way in. And that's always a good thing.

A Good Good Read

2007-04-07T09:12:00.000-05:00

"It was the last day of August -- an achingly beautiful, golden day when the air throbbed with cricket song and buzzed with dragonfly wings and smelled like ripening apples.
This was the sort of day you ought to be outside....To me, days like this one were holidays -- the word owes its origin to 'holy days', and I felt it a sacred duty to honour them. Even if it meant having to work till nine every night all the rest of the week, and both days of the weekend, on these brilliant, extraordinary days, we'd try to take an afternoon hike with Tess, or steal a few hours watching the birds at our favourite pond. Our friend David Carroll, a turtle expert, artist and author..., called this practice 'keeping an appointment with the season'. When the salamanders woke for their mass mating on the first warm rainy night in April, when the spotted turtles emerged from hibernation in March, on the moonlit nights when the wood turtles nest in June -- well, he just had to be there, no matter what." --pp.179-180

"Blessings, all. In each case, I hadn't found what I had hoped for or expected. Instead, I'd discovered something far more exciting or profound -- an unexpected insight, a surprise gift. And that's a pretty good working definition of a blessing. So go out into the world where your heart calls you. The blessings will come, I promise you that....I wish for you the insight to recognise the blessings as such, and sometimes this is hard. But you'll know it's a blessing if you are enriched and transformed by the experience. So be ready. There are great souls and teachers everywhere. It is your job to recognise them." --pp. 223-224

"Thank you for your great soul -- for that gaze into our hearts....Thank you for for showing us your heart -- for inviting us into such a happy heart." --p. 234

"Good, good pig. Big, good pig. Fine, fine swine. Good...good...good." --p. 183

"Christopher Hogwood knew how to relish the juicy savour of this fragrant, abundant, sweet, green world. To show us this would have been gift enough. But he showed us another truth as well. That a pig did not become bacon but lived fourteen years, pampered and adored till the day he died peacefully in his sleep -- that's proof that we need not 'be practical' all the time. We need not accept the rules that our society or species, family or fate seem to have written for us. We can choose a new way. We have the power to transform a story of sorrow into a story of healing. We can choose life over death. We can let love lead us home....one thing I know for sure: a great soul can appear among us at any time, in the form of any creature. I'm keeping my eyes open." --p. 241

All quotes are from the book "The Good Good Pig", written by Sy Montgomery. I obviously loved the book to pieces, most probably because I am an animal lover (and a fellow vegetarian!). However, for those who aren't as animal-friendly but are open to it, maybe those who like inspirational books, I highly recommend this book. As seen from the above quotes, as much as "The Good Good Pig" calls to our animal-loving compassionate hearts, it also calls to the inner child in us, never to cease being amazed, always to find something new, to be open to greatness, whether it be in an animal, a fellow human, a holy day, and so on.

To end, I leave with another quote, from p. 183:
"Some say happiness lands lightly on
you, like a butterfly. Sometimes this is so. But sometimes happiness
comes lumbering toward you, like a fat, satisfied pig -- and then
thuds, grunting, by your side."

Indeed.

On Bleach and Bikram

2007-04-04T00:45:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been impossibly addicted to the anime series called Bleach. I have watched 13 episodes in 1 day out of sheer addiction. I love love love it. At the currently subbed episode which I've stopped at (because there hasn't been any more yet), Episode 120, the ending is still left hanging. I've downloaded both OVAs available for download, as well as all the music. Most people start young with anime, or at least, younger than my current age. I'm not into anime per se--not yet at least--but this particular one had me hooked from the start. And it still kinda boggles my mind why I'm so into it. I mean, I really am--even the music....I love the music, when I was never into J-Pop and would scoff at my cousin when she'd watch anime. I even loved the ending credits of the Sealed Sword Frenzy OVA, where the shinigami are in Western civilian attire, and Byakuya, in particular, came up in a horse-drawn carriage! Still oh so hot! Whut. Oh well: welcome to the club, I guess. But there has to be a hook in this somewhere; I mean, how'd I just get into it so deeply, just like that? When I think about it, though, it may have to do with the main theme of the story: the neverending battle between life and death. I like that. I remember getting so caught up in the battle to save Rukia, on the edge of my seat watching every battle. I also remember getting caught in the personal battles of Kuchiki Byakuya. I was hooked. The way I see it, Bleach reminds me that life is short, and transient, so live to my fullest, do everything I want when and while I can.

Then we come to Bikram yoga. I've only been doing it for about a year, but before Bleach came, it was my end all and be all. I wanted to live and breath it. I didn't want to think of a life without it, precisely why I desired so strongly to teach it: I also wanted others to live "fuller", healthier lives. I see walking a yogi path as self-realization. Echoing what I feel is Bleach's theme, I feel that I am so blessed to be able to follow my dream already.

As my departure for training is steadily approaching, however, I am filled with dread. I think it is also through my own fault: I've been pushed to start memorizing the dialog (particularly by T), but most particularly, build up my confidence (especially by F and seconded by H). With encouragement, I was able to practice reciting one -full- posture (Half Moon!) with F. After that, even with some helpful equipment (a mike!) at home, I've resisted, instead setting it aside in lieu of preparations like medicine, toiletries, medical insurance--things that are also important. But my Dad once said, "if preparing takes you longer to do the actual thing itself, then it's useless." Indeed that it what it has seemed to become. In truth, I am merely sidestepping from the matter at hand, which is truly to prepare to teach. I am scared shitless. Truly. This manifests physically in T, whom I "empowered" against my self to make me deathly afraid of him right now, so much so I don't even want to see him or talk to him. I hem and haw and make excuses, but that's what it boils down to. Now what to do about it. I can't make excuses forever. I can't be a perennial walking excuse. Damn me (as it's not good to damn God). It's Holy Week now, which should be a perfect time to start preparing for real, start memorizing seriously, dammit. There should be no excuses, nor is there time: I'm already leaving next week, after all.

38 Ways

2007-04-03T05:24:00.000-05:00

Count on Yoga: 38 Ways Yoga Keeps You Fit
By Timothy McCall, M.D.

...Western science is starting to provide some concrete clues as to how yoga works to improve health, heal aches and pains, and keep sickness at bay. Once you understand them, you'll have even more motivation to step onto your mat, and you probably won't feel so tongue-tied the next time someone wants Western proof....

Flex Time
1 Improved flexibility is one of the first and most obvious benefits of yoga. During your first class, you probably won't be able to touch your toes, never mind do a backbend. But if you stick with it, you'll notice a gradual loosening, and eventually, seemingly impossible poses will become possible. You'll also probably notice that aches and pains start to disappear. That's no coincidence. Tight hips can strain the knee joint due to improper alignment of the thigh and shinbones. Tight hamstrings can lead to a flattening of the lumbar spine, which can cause back pain. And inflexibility in muscles and connective tissue, such as fascia and ligaments, can cause poor posture.

Strength Test
2 Strong muscles do more than look good. They also protect us from conditions like arthritis and back pain, and help prevent falls in elderly people. And when you build strength through yoga, you balance it with flexibility. If you just went to the gym and lifted weights, you might build strength at the expense of flexibility.

Standing Orders
3 Your head is like a bowling ball—big, round, and heavy. When it’s balanced directly over an erect spine, it takes much less work for your neck and back muscles to support it. Move it several inches forward, however, and you start to strain those muscles. Hold up that forward-leaning bowling ball for eight or 12 hours a day and it’s no wonder you’re tired. And fatigue might not be your only problem. Poor posture can cause back, neck, and other muscle and joint problems. As you slump, your body may compensate by flattening the normal inward curves in your neck and lower back. This can cause pain and degenerative arthritis of the spine.

Joint Account
4 Each time you practice yoga, you take your joints through their full range of motion. This can help prevent degenerative arthritis or mitigate disability by "squeezing and soaking" areas of cartilage that normally aren't used. Joint cartilage is like a sponge; it receives fresh nutrients only when its fluid is squeezed out and a new supply can be soaked up. Without proper sustenance, neglected areas of cartilage can eventually wear out, exposing the underlying bone like worn-out brake pads.

Spinal Rap
5 Spinal disks—the shock absorbers between the vertebrae that can herniate and compress nerves—crave movement. That's the only way they get their nutrients. If you've got a well-balanced asana practice with plenty of backbends, forward bends, and twists, you'll help keep your disks supple.

Bone Zone
6 It's well documented that weight-bearing exercise strengthens bones and helps ward off osteoporosis. Many postures in yoga require that you lift your own weight. And some, like Downward- and Upward-Facing Dog, help strengthen the arm bones, which are particularly vulnerable to osteoporotic fractures. In an unpublished study conducted at California State University, Los Angeles, yoga practice increased bone density in the vertebrae. Yoga's ability to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol (see Number 11) may help keep calcium in the bones.

Flow Chart
7 Yoga gets your blood flowing. More specifically, the relaxation exercises you learn in yoga can help your circulation, especially in your hands and feet. Yoga also gets more oxygen to your cells, which function better as a result. Twisting poses are thought to wring out venous blood from internal organs and allow oxygenated blood to flow in once the twist is released. Inverted poses, such as Headstand, Handstand, and Shoulderstand, encourage venous blood from the legs and pelvis to flow back to the heart, where it can be pumped to the lungs to be freshly oxygenated. This can help if you have swelling in your legs from heart or kidney problems. Yoga also boosts levels of hemoglobin and red blood cells, which carry oxygen to the tissues. And it thins the blood by making platelets less sticky and by cutting the level of clot-promoting proteins in the blood. This can lead to a decrease in heart attacks and strokes since blood clots are often the cause of these killers.

Lymph Lesson
8 When you contract and stretch muscles, move organs around, and come in and out of yoga postures, you increase the drainage of lymph (a viscous fluid rich in immune cells). This helps the lymphatic system fight infection, destroy cancerous cells, and dispose of the toxic waste products of cellular functioning.

Heart Start
9 When you regularly get your heart rate into the aerobic range, you lower your risk of heart attack and can relieve depression. While not all yoga is aerobic, if you do it vigorously or take flow or Ashtanga classes, it can boost your heart rate into the aerobic range. But even yoga exercises that don't get your heart rate up that high can improve cardiovascular conditioning. Studies have found that yoga practice lowers the resting heart rate, increases endurance, and can improve your maximum uptake of oxygen during exercise—all reflections of improved aerobic conditioning. One study found that subjects who were taught only pranayama could do more exercise with less oxygen.

Pressure Drop
10 If you've got high blood pressure, you might benefit from yoga. Two studies of people with hypertension, published in the British medical journal The Lancet, compared the effects of Savasana (Corpse Pose) with simply lying on a couch. After three months, Savasana was associated with a 26-point drop in systolic blood pressure (the top number) and a 15-point drop in diastolic blood pressure (the bottom number)—and the higher the initial blood pressure, the bigger the drop.

Worry Thwarts
11 Yoga lowers cortisol levels. If that doesn't sound like much, consider this. Normally, the adrenal glands secrete cortisol in response to an acute crisis, which temporarily boosts immune function. If your cortisol levels stay high even after the crisis, they can compromise the immune system. Temporary boosts of cortisol help with long-term memory, but chronically high levels undermine memory and may lead to permanent changes in the brain. Additionally, excessive cortisol has been linked with major depression, osteoporosis (it extracts calcium and other minerals from bones and interferes with the laying down of new bone), high blood pressure, and insulin resistance. In rats, high cortisol levels lead to what researchers call "food-seeking behavior" (the kind that drives you to eat when you're upset, angry, or stressed). The body takes those extra calories and distributes them as fat in the abdomen, contributing to weight gain and the risk of diabetes and heart attack.

Happy Hour
12 Feeling sad? Sit in Lotus. Better yet, rise up into a backbend or soar royally into King Dancer Pose. While it’s not as simple as that, one study found that a consistent yoga practice improved depression and led to a significant increase in serotonin levels and a decrease in the levels of monoamine oxidase (an enzyme that breaks down neurotransmitters) and cortisol. At the University of Wisconsin, Richard Davidson, Ph.D., found that the left prefrontal cortex showed heightened activity in meditators, a finding that has been correlated with greater levels of happiness and better immune function. More dramatic left-sided activation was found in dedicated, long-term practitioners.

Weighty Matters
13 Move more, eat less—that's the adage of many a dieter. Yoga can help on both fronts. A regular practice gets you moving and burns calories, and the spiritual and emotional dimensions of your practice may encourage you to address any eating and weight problems on a deeper level. Yoga may also inspire you to become a more conscious eater.

Low Show
14 Yoga lowers blood sugar and LDL ("bad") cholesterol and boosts HDL ("good") cholesterol. In people with diabetes, yoga has been found to lower blood sugar in several ways: by lowering cortisol and adrenaline levels, encouraging weight loss, and improving sensitivity to the effects of insulin. Get your blood sugar levels down, and you decrease your risk of diabetic complications such as heart attack, kidney failure, and blindness.

Brain Waves
15 An important component of yoga is focusing on the present. Studies have found that regular yoga practice improves coordination, reaction time, memory, and even IQ scores. People who practice Transcendental Meditation demonstrate the ability to solve problems and acquire and recall information better—probably because they’re less distracted by their thoughts, which can play over and over like an endless tape loop.

Nerve Center
16 Yoga encourages you to relax, slow your breath, and focus on the present, shifting the balance from the sympathetic nervous system (or the fight-or-flight response) to the parasympathetic nervous system. The latter is calming and restorative; it lowers breathing and heart rates, decreases blood pressure, and increases blood flow to the intestines and reproductive organs—comprising what Herbert Benson, M.D., calls the relaxation response.

Space Place
17 Regularly practicing yoga increases proprioception (the ability to feel what your body is doing and where it is in space) and improves balance. People with bad posture or dysfunctional movement patterns usually have poor proprioception, which has been linked to knee problems and back pain. Better balance could mean fewer falls. For the elderly, this translates into more independence and delayed admission to a nursing home or never entering one at all. For the rest of us, postures like Tree Pose can make us feel less wobbly on and off the mat.

Control Center
18 Some advanced yogis can control their bodies in extraordinary ways, many of which are mediated by the nervous system. Scientists have monitored yogis who could induce unusual heart rhythms, generate specific brain-wave patterns, and, using a meditation technique, raise the temperature of their hands by 15 degrees Fahrenheit. If they can use yoga to do that, perhaps you could learn to improve blood flow to your pelvis if you're trying to get pregnant or induce relaxation when you're having trouble falling asleep.

Loose Limbs
19 Do you ever notice yourself holding the telephone or a steering wheel with a death grip or scrunching your face when staring at a computer screen? These unconscious habits can lead to chronic tension, muscle fatigue, and soreness in the wrists, arms, shoulders, neck, and face, which can increase stress and worsen your mood. As you practice yoga, you begin to notice where you hold tension: It might be in your tongue, your eyes, or the muscles of your face and neck. If you simply tune in, you may be able to release some tension in the tongue and eyes. With bigger muscles like the quadriceps, trapezius, and buttocks, it may take years of practice to learn how to relax them.

Chill Pill
20 Stimulation is good, but too much of it taxes the nervous system. Yoga can provide relief from the hustle and bustle of modern life. Restorative asana, yoga nidra (a form of guided relaxation), Savasana, pranayama, and meditation encourage pratyahara, a turning inward of the senses, which provides downtime for the nervous system. Another by-product of a regular yoga practice, studies suggest, is better sleep—which means you'll be less tired and stressed and less likely to have accidents.

Immune Boon
21 Asana and pranayama probably improve immune function, but, so far, meditation has the strongest scientific support in this area. It appears to have a beneficial effect on the functioning of the immune system, boosting it when needed (for example, raising antibody levels in response to a vaccine) and lowering it when needed (for instance, mitigating an inappropriately aggressive immune function in an autoimmune disease like psoriasis).

Breathing Room
22 Yogis tend to take fewer breaths of greater volume, which is both calming and more efficient. A 1998 study published in The Lancet taught a yogic technique known as "complete breathing" to people with lung problems due to congestive heart failure. After one month, their average respiratory rate decreased from 13.4 breaths per minute to 7.6. Meanwhile, their exercise capacity increased significantly, as did the oxygen saturation of their blood. In addition, yoga has been shown to improve various measures of lung function, including the maximum volume of the breath and the efficiency of the exhalation. Yoga also promotes breathing through the nose, which filters the air, warms it (cold, dry air is more likely to trigger an asthma attack in people who are sensitive), and humidifies it, removing pollen and dirt and other things you'd rather not take into your lungs.

Poop Scoop
23 Ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, constipation—all of these can be exacerbated by stress. So if you stress less, you'll suffer less. Yoga, like any physical exercise, can ease constipation—and theoretically lower the risk of colon cancer—because moving the body facilitates more rapid transport of food and waste products through the bowels. And, although it has not been studied scientifically, yogis suspect that twisting poses may be beneficial in getting waste to move through the system.

Peace of Mind
24 Yoga quells the fluctuations of the mind, according to Patanjali's Yoga Sutra. In other words, it slows down the mental loops of frustration, regret, anger, fear, and desire that can cause stress. And since stress is implicated in so many health problems—from migraines and insomnia to lupus, MS, eczema, high blood pressure, and heart attacks—if you learn to quiet your mind, you'll be likely to live longer and healthier.

Divine Sign
25 Many of us suffer from chronic low self-esteem. If you handle this negatively—take drugs, overeat, work too hard, sleep around—you may pay the price in poorer health physically, mentally, and spiritually. If you take a positive approach and practice yoga, you'll sense, initially in brief glimpses and later in more sustained views, that you're worthwhile or, as yogic philosophy teaches, that you are a manifestation of the Divine. If you practice regularly with an intention of self-examination and betterment—not just as a substitute for an aerobics class—you can access a different side of yourself. You'll experience feelings of gratitude, empathy, and forgiveness, as well as a sense that you're part of something bigger. While better health is not the goal of spirituality, it's often a by-product, as documented by repeated scientific studies.

Pain Drain
26 Yoga can ease your pain. According to several studies, asana, meditation, or a combination of the two, reduced pain in people with arthritis, back pain, fibromyalgia, carpal tunnel syndrome, and other chronic conditions. When you relieve your pain, your mood improves, you're more inclined to be active, and you don't need as much medication.

Heat Treatment
27 Yoga can help you make changes in your life. In fact, that might be its greatest strength. Tapas, the Sanskrit word for "heat," is the fire, the discipline that fuels yoga practice and that regular practice builds. The tapas you develop can be extended to the rest of your life to overcome inertia and change dysfunctional habits. You may find that without making a particular effort to change things, you start to eat better, exercise more, or finally quit smoking after years of failed attempts.

Guru Gifts
28 Good yoga teachers can do wonders for your health. Exceptional ones do more than guide you through the postures. They can adjust your posture, gauge when you should go deeper in poses or back off, deliver hard truths with compassion, help you relax, and enhance and personalize your practice. A respectful relationship with a teacher goes a long way toward promoting your health.

Drug Free
29 If your medicine cabinet looks like a pharmacy, maybe it's time to try yoga. Studies of people with asthma, high blood pressure, Type II diabetes (formerly called adult-onset diabetes), and obsessive-compulsive disorder have shown that yoga helped them lower their dosage of medications and sometimes get off them entirely. The benefits of taking fewer drugs? You'll spend less money, and you're less likely to suffer side effects and risk dangerous drug interactions.

Hostile Makeover
30 Yoga and meditation build awareness. And the more aware you are, the easier it is to break free of destructive emotions like anger. Studies suggest that chronic anger and hostility are as strongly linked to heart attacks as are smoking, diabetes, and elevated cholesterol. Yoga appears to reduce anger by increasing feelings of compassion and interconnection and by calming the nervous system and the mind. It also increases your ability to step back from the drama of your own life, to remain steady in the face of bad news or unsettling events. You can still react quickly when you need to—and there's evidence that yoga speeds reaction time—but you can take that split second to choose a more thoughtful approach, reducing suffering for yourself and others.

Good Relations
31 Love may not conquer all, but it certainly can aid in healing. Cultivating the emotional support of friends, family, and community has been demonstrated repeatedly to improve health and healing. A regular yoga practice helps develop friendliness, compassion, and greater equanimity. Along with yogic philosophy's emphasis on avoiding harm to others, telling the truth, and taking only what you need, this may improve many of your relationships.

Sound System
32 The basics of yoga—asana, pranayama, and meditation—all work to improve your health, but there's more in the yoga toolbox. Consider chanting. It tends to prolong exhalation, which shifts the balance toward the parasympathetic nervous system. When done in a group, chanting can be a particularly powerful physical and emotional experience. A recent study from Sweden's Karolinska Institute suggests that humming sounds—like those made while chanting Om—open the sinuses and facilitate drainage.

Vision Quest
33 If you contemplate an image in your mind's eye, as you do in yoga nidra and other practices, you can effect change in your body. Several studies have found that guided imagery reduced postoperative pain, decreased the frequency of headaches, and improved the quality of life for people with cancer and HIV.

Clean Machine
34 Kriyas, or cleansing practices, are another element of yoga. They include everything from rapid breathing exercises to elaborate internal cleansings of the intestines. Jala neti, which entails a gentle lavage of the nasal passages with salt water, removes pollen and viruses from the nose, keeps mucus from building up, and helps drains the sinuses.

Karma Concept
35 Karma yoga (service to others) is integral to yogic philosophy. And while you may not be inclined to serve others, your health might improve if you do. A study at the University of Michigan found that older people who volunteered a little less than an hour per week were three times as likely to be alive seven years later. Serving others can give meaning to your life, and your problems may not seem so daunting when you see what other people are dealing with.

Healing Hope
36 In much of conventional medicine, most patients are passive recipients of care. In yoga, it's what you do for yourself that matters. Yoga gives you the tools to help you change, and you might start to feel better the first time you try practicing. You may also notice that the more you commit to practice, the more you benefit. This results in three things: You get involved in your own care, you discover that your involvement gives you the power to effect change, and seeing that you can effect change gives you hope. And hope itself can be healing.

Connective Tissue
37 As you read all the ways yoga improves your health, you probably noticed a lot of overlap. That's because they're intensely interwoven. Change your posture and you change the way you breathe. Change your breathing and you change your nervous system. This is one of the great lessons of yoga: Everything is connected—your hipbone to your anklebone, you to your community, your community to the world. This interconnection is vital to understanding yoga. This holistic system simultaneously taps into many mechanisms that have additive and even multiplicative effects. This synergy may be the most important way of all that yoga heals.

Placebo Power
38 Just believing you will get better can make you better. Unfortunately, many conventional scientists believe that if something works by eliciting the placebo effect, it doesn't count. But most patients just want to get better, so if chanting a mantra—like you might do at the beginning or end of yoga class or throughout a meditation or in the course of your day—facilitates healing, even if it's just a placebo effect, why not do it?

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Taken from http://www.yogajournal.com/health/1634_1.cfm

April Truth for April Fool's

2007-04-01T10:38:00.000-05:00

While I was perusing my chosen yoga's website, I came across this endearing Cathy comic. Aside from entertaining, though, it also reminds me or invites me to lead a yogi lifestyle, 24/7. What that is, I do not know. Besides, it differs for everyone, I guess--case in point in being T's and my recent spat (which had already been building up, but that's not necessary to discuss)

I've recently gotten into VMV Hypoallergenics. Being someone who has skin allergies to almost everything, VMV Hypoallergenics products are a Godsend. I can personally vouch for these two products, while these two I'm still trying out.

Recently got a book spawned by an online women traveler's journal, as well as this book which seems right up my alley. Ah, my weekend has been revealed. W-ell, not entirely, as I haven't mentioned Bleach.

But most people close to me know I'm addicted to Bleach right now. I am currently at Episode 105. I've downloaded 91-120, most of the music tracks, and both OVA's in Bleach Exile. It took many days, but I think it's worth it. Now to burn it into a DVD-R and I'll be good to go. Can they all fit into one disc, I wonder?

This doesn't mean, however, that I've completely forgotten I'm leaving for Teacher Training in 9 days (it starts in 14, but I've got to get used to the 18-hour difference!). I practiced my dialog for one pose--fully, both sides--with my teacher-mentor F. It went a whole lot better than with T, I can safely say. I know T meant well....but my spirit was crushed and I was discouraged. He's a perfectionist, one of his staff L said. Indeed he is: he was already pointing out my weak (i.e. lack of) conviction while reciting the dialog, comparing it to one talking to a plant. However, this critique also crushed my conviction, my belief in myself to be able to do this, even my desire to practice yoga. Fortunately, F brushed those aside and told me to pay T no mind, that I'll find my voice there; what's important is to believe I will. Hence my spirit has been renewed, revitalized to go on: as F pointed out, this is my dream, after all.

Wednesdays

2007-03-14T08:53:00.000-05:00

Wednesdays are usually my "day-off" in the week, apart from Sundays. So today was, well, another lazy day.

Using my glasses on instead of my contacts today just maybe made me unconsciously feel relaxed and lazy, as I usually am on work-mode when I wear contacts. Now I have my contacts on to get more alert and do some PowerYoga, but dangit, it's almost time for Grey's Anatomy! Yes, I have become a fan. And no, I try not to watch it by DVD, as watching it on television, with all the ads and the potential to channel-jump, just makes it a better experience for me.

Got a new pair of earrings today, the stones being Mystic Topaz. Mom and I split the costs: I used some previous savings: ah well; she is paying for Teacher Training, after all. I had thought of pairing it with a necklace of Smoky Topaz my aunt had given me while we were in Hong Kong, but upon Googling it, discovered it's actually of the Quartz family. Ah well.

The same aunt gave me a bracelet with an adorable bracelet with a ~~fu dog~~ pi yao carving made of red jade, though someone said it's amber. Eh. I didn't know he was given to guard me, but now, with that in mind, I shall wear him as much as I can, and I christen him with Neni? Nani? Yeni? Leni? LENNY. His name's Lenny.

Meanwhile, this is the woman who got on my nerves yesterday but H told me to just let go of it. I laugh about it now, but yesterday, it was pretty serious. When I think about it now, I still get pissed, but I figure, for all that she's pretty, she's down there when it comes to ethics and morals (even lower for proclaiming herself to be a yogini?!). So why should I deal with her? Then again, what gives me the right to judge her? But I think we all judge, one way or another: we are human, after all. But maybe I'll give it one more shot if I see her again: I'll smile. F told me my yoga is about STRENGTH, and apart from physical, I guess it extends to emotional, as well.

Anyway. Enough lazing about: I've got a TV show to watch, tea to make and drink, maybe do some abs if I can't do yoga, update my planner, put in some memorizing.....aii-ya.

Back.

2007-03-12T07:19:00.000-05:00

The trip to Hong Kong, though sweet, was stressful, so perhaps it's better it was brief. Apart from fabulous food at the Conrad and IFC Mall, and discovering a bargain mecca, at least we were able to meet most of the things we wanted to do. I, for one, apart from finding this Indian CD set I've been looking for, finally got my new camera at Fortress, where I was told it is the best place to get digital products in Hong Kong. Following Josh's recommendations, and seeing the product physically, I chose the Canon Digital IXUS 850 IS. Soooo happy to have a Canon again. His name shall be Bagheera. I had previously seen snippets of the Disney adaptation of Kipling's work, so that might be it. Was trying Shiva instead, and a feminine character. Bagheera was only made male in the Disney adaptation, but was female in a Russian one. After all that drama, though, I'm keeping him male, and since the name Bagheera still called out to me more, Bagheera he will be.

I also went to the Bikram yoga studio in Hong Kong. There are four studio-rooms, each big enough maybe to accommodate 70-100 people. WHOA. Thing is, being carpeted, and not really aired (only vacuumed), the rooms (at least the one I was in) had a smell. Method of instruction was also not very personal, no names, just calling out the dialogue. My Mom said, "You can do better!" Perhaps. Hopefully. ~~'Coz sometimes I worry if this is the right decision~~ GOD, I hope so.

I've always loved cartoons, as they remind me of childhood, and innocence, and when I didn't have to worry about anything. Nowadays, however, more and more cartoons have a commercial tinge. Imagine my joy when I saw cute cartoons, namely The Unsustainables and Meet The Greens as featured on this Ecorazzi article. So the angle here is to make more ecologically-sound decisions, but hell, I think it's better than telling their audience to buy the next lunchbox or action figurine with the same theme.

While looking for the latest Yoga Journal issue, I saw two other yoga-related magazines, instead: yogalife and Spirituality & Health. Expanding my yoga magazine repertoire, is all. I also saw this site that looks like it's good yoga: Aadil Palkhivala. Hmm.

Anyway, while I missed yoga class today pleading to fatigue and ill-preparedness for dialogue practice (thereby incurring T's ire), as well as took it slow and easy (getting the pre-trip mani-pedi and waxing: gotta get rrrreadyyy), it's good to be back. Now to step up, and MEMORIZE. Ack. Then how to wake up early enough tomorrow, given that my phone (which is apparently no longer available for purchase) just decided to conk out and die? What about my contacts in there, as well? Aaaargh. And even though I ate LOADS for breakfast, I think I'll get me some more breakfast food now ~~, even as I know I should do ab exercises, or PowerYoga~~ . Added to the lately very violent/snappish/virago-like moods, I just might be PMS'ing. So hello, pounds. C'est la vie, c'est la vie.

Curiouser and Curiouser

2007-03-06T20:13:00.000-06:00

Lately, I've been feeling incredibly tired for no apparent reason. Crap. I hate this. Like after returning from the beach, despite yoga with Mo-ching, despite a spa treatment, this time around I still feel exhausted. I had my first post-trip Bikram yoga class yesterday, and I felt like I was going to just collapse halfway, around Dandayamana Janushirasana (Standing Head to Knee) and Dandayamana Dhanurasana (Standing Bow). I'm grateful the teacher was H, who doesn't push too hard; if it were F, I think I'd have really had to sit it out. T arrived after class, and was asking about whether I'd gotten my dialgues, 'coz he wanted me to start memorizing already (which is mostly the point in Teacher Training). If not, he said he can lend me his. Well, when I got home, I was overjoyed to find my welcome packet from Bikram Yoga Teacher Training! However, there was a misunderstanding wherein I was given a registration checklist for SOMEBODY ELSE! With incompletes! I was pretty upset, so I wrote S, the registrar, several times. 'Coz I AM complete! So what the hell?! Well, she wrote back this morning: it was a misunderstanding; I'm complete, and she says she doesn't need to fax back the cover letter I asked where I documented everything I sent. I'd still like her to fax back an acknowledgment, though. I'm afraid I'm being too pushy, but Mom said I can't afford NOT to be pushy. And truly, sometimes, no, oftentimes, to get things done, I find I really have to be pushy. Otherwise, I risk becoming a doormat. It's so true. And it's so hard to be a b*tch when I've been such a gentlewoman. But as a song goes, "Give [them] an inch, [they] take a mile." It's so true. It just feels like a betrayal of trust when they do it. I was brought up with the premise that "kindness begets kindness," and so on. Well, it seems not to be so in the real world. Of course there are pockets of special circumstances wherein if I'm nice they'll be nice back, and it usually pays to be nice in formal situations or "need-to-know" situations. But still: no more doormats. Fight back. And be firm.

My camera has conked out on me, so I haven't been able to photograph in a while. Argh. As we're going to HK soon, I'm thinking of (a) scoping out the Bikram yoga studio there (hello, future employment? Though the ones in Bangkok, and is this certified, too? Singapore sounds ok, too), and (b) getting a new camera. I always found Canon to be the brand that worked best for me. I don't like Sony for its over-exclusivity, and Olympus conked out on me. My specifications are:
1. with the feature that can take rapid-sequence (movement?) shots
2. the shaky hand safeguarding feature
3. over 6 megapixels. I've been told to get a 10 megapixel, but I think a 7 or 8 [megapixel] will do just fine.
4. general affordability/value-for-money
5. relatively compact and lightweight

With Canon, I've narrowed it down to
1. Digital IXUS i7, aka PowerShot SD40
2. Digital IXUS 850 IS, aka PowerShot SD800
3. ~~Digital IXUS 900 Ti~~ PowerShot A710 IS

I found this camera review website through Google; maybe it can can shed some light on this matter.

So life's moving, and moving fast. Gotta make sure that I crest the wave and don't go under. I can do this, and I will.